this is the 2nd time in a month or so, i had people come to me with a funny relationship problem:
they can't make up their mind to be together with the person they like or not. maybe it doesn't look complicated to you simply because they didn't settle it amongst themselves. the truth is, they did. they are actually "together", telling sweet nothings to each other, or secretly going out together and just not telling the world.
they didn't exactly turn to me for an advice either. they came to me just wanting to vent some their frustrations because, for example "i fell out with the person i like.". when questioned further, it turned out that they "are together" but aren't because one of the party (usually the one talking to me!!!) refuses to admit that they are an item!!!
now this is fairly frustrating. if you say you guys cant be known as an item because of family, some other barriers or some problems, i had understand. but regardless, i personally feel if the person u like likes u too, u guys openly are affectionate to each other, WHILE IN EACH OTHERS' PRESENCE!!, then therefore you're together. not very complicated is it?
i mean look, it doesn't matter if you don't admit to everyone, hey she's my girl, hey he's my guy, if this person is going to farken walk out of your life, you're guna crumble and cry anyways right? you're guna wish he didn't leave your side and that you wished you had told him so, yer? think, break up upset.
however, instead of just simplifying it for my understanding, they had to just say "oh no we aren't together, we are just more than friends you know, but not bf/gf, coz you know, it had complicate things. and i really want to see how things work out before i get myself a relationship again." like hi, u just made me more screwed up in the head. i am trying to help you here, you're not helping yourself.
the problem with such relationships is, you have a commitment problem. u decided not to name this relationship any particular status because you're afraid of getting hurt or that maybe this person isn't up to your expectations. then u create this cute little verbal backdoor for you to run out of in case the situation gets bad.
but you know what? if the situation gets bad, you and i know that you will still be equally hurt, you will still find it equally hard to just let go, especially if the other party views you guys as being together regardless of what you think. after all, those "i love you"s weren't said without a feeling were they? because if they were, you're fucked in the head, and i am not quite sure if i want a friend who's fake to me either. read: this means that even as a friend, u would lie to me about your feelings. if i can make an effort to tell you i love you as a friend, i hope those words fucken comes from your heart.
boy am i pissed.
don't ask me why, it's just that these people come to me with the most retarded of problems and when i can't deal with it and told them so, they still expect me to understand them, comfort them, advise them. and then turns around and say that "u just have to be a listening ear, a comforting shoulder you know, you don't have to say anything." when in actual fact, they keep asking "what's you opinion on this? i have no idea what to do. :("
the fact that i am far away in australia doesn't mean i can't find someway to strangle you.
back on topic, both friends, who doesnt know each other btw, had some problems with their other half. one was more serious than the other, for the later was still in the "honey moon period" of the relationship (i am not going to care what they called the relationship) while the first obviously had it going for a while now.
so, after various prodding, since she keeps asking me what to do, and i don't know what to do since she wont tell me what kinda relationship it is, she says to me, "well we are more than friends you know."
me: ok what do you mean by more than friends? you guys are together?
her: no, we aren't together. i want to get to know him better before i hop on anything.
me: (feeling fucked up by now) ok so what exactly are you guys, and how does that make your problem valid then? does he even know u guys are "together"? and if he's not your bf, why are u telling me "bfbfbfbfbfbf"!?!?!?
her: u know when you do stuff together that are more than just friends (starts thinking of her kissing... ewww) but you haven't embarked on anything, so we aren't exactly a couple. oh you must have got me mistaken. when i said bf, it's like when i said you're my gf (omfg, does that make me a lesbian1?!?!!?!?) and yer he knows. infact HE's the one wanting me to be HIS gf, not the other way round ^.^ (those were her exact words and expressions too!) so i am not confused or anything. he just assumed i am his gf...
me: ok, so what does him having another gf... make it sounds as if he was cheating... if you guys weren't exactly together and you know.. that means technically if he likes someone else, he isn't exactly dumping you...
phone call from her, exasperated: LOOK! if i say we are together and he's cheating on me, then i am fucked ain't i?! then i had looked like an idiot isn' t it!?!?
me: is that what all these "he isn't my bf" all about?
her: NO! it's not! i am just asking you what i should do!
me: how the fuck would i know! if he isn't your boyfriend then he ISN'T CHEATING ON YOU!
her: blah! i would just try and solve this myself. (click.)
a few days later, a calmer conversation started.
her: hey. he's cheating on me, i have confirmed that. he told me after i confronted him.
me: ok.. so what now? (still confused, since, they didnt admit they are together!?!?!)
her: i'm glad i didn't say he's my bf, or i be all screwed over right now.
me: hrm ok..
her: (sounding shrill) he says he can't leave her now...
me: oh ok. well u guys weren't exactly together..
her: (crying) why does it hurt so much?!?! cher...... (wails...) omg this hurts so much cher!!! he ditched me for someone else (mumbles something into the tears)
at this point, i kinda feel the pain on her part, for i have been cheated on before, and i guess i could relate to the pain. but nevertheless, she never eventually told me if they were together. and the point of this entire thing is, u can don't admit to the world hey.. but ur heart knows. u can't lie to that.
i know how sometimes, u just don't trust urself to say "i love you" or "would you be mine" to start of a relationship. but if you're guna play safe, you're also going to be sorry, perhaps way sorrier than if u hadn't. relationships can hurt, you will go thru bumps and so on, and it may go thru 10 relationships, 100 even, to find the right person for you.
but that doesn't mean u shud make each one a commitment phobia. coz ur just going to make it easier for BOTH parties to just walk out coz, you know, NO ONE KNOWS UR TOGETHER!!!! NOT EVEN THE 2 OF U!!!! you may think of each other as gf and bf as and when IT CONVENIENCES YOU! so think about that!
the second one made me pissed off just as much as the first did! here i was sitting down and she came hopping along...
her: hi cher.
me: eh wassup.
her: nothing much just quarrelled with the guy i liked.
me: oh ok. what did he do?
her: o nothing, he just started assuming we're together..
me: (oh god i shud have seen this coming...) o...k.... he likes u too and knows u like him?
her: yer. (starts talking about how they found out they love each other) yer and then, we care for each other alot you know, just that we aren't together.
me: erm ok.
her: but we text each other daily before sleeping, we get on the phone and tell each other we love each other, isn't he sweet cher?
me: (omfg. and ur telling me u guys aren't together!?!?!) yer, very. so you guys aren't together?
me: why? what's wrong (sorry i had to fake it there, was boiling..)
her: well, he's kinda far away, and i am not sure if i am ready for another relationship yet.
me: fair enough... so what were you arguing with him about?
her: oh he got himself hurt!! he should have taken care of himself!! and then he got mad that his friend told me he's hurt!!! he should just tell me such things!!!
me: ...... ok...
HOW THE HELLLLLL DO U NOT GET EXASPERATED WITH SUCH PEOPLE!?!?! pls tell me!!! *howls* i managed to keep my cool anyways until i walked off. then i decided to sleep it off.
see, times such as these, sleep is good. too good i must say.
at any rate, i am not complaining about them coming to me with problems. sometimes though, it's really sad. either i was single, or i never had a bf before, and they think i am some kind of relationship guru.
i'm sorry i'm not. i also have my own failed relationships. but then, if u don't really mind about that, hey, i can give u some advice based on what i think. :) i will still be mad if u come to me with stupidity like the above -.-