hehe... i been blog trolling again. it turned up quite a few finds for me, with regards to emotions, questions and answers. some of the blogs that i viewed, were really parts of these sites that i used to visit fairly often.

how odd it is though, when u read through the blogs and remember those times when u first started reading, how the author was like and what position he/she was, the events of that year and so on. this particular site that i had visited for almost 2 and a half years or so now kinda.. make me realised alot about time. i have been here for almost that long now. wow. lol. she was celebrating her 2nd anniversary with her boyfriend then, and now it's the 4th year. feel weird hrhr... in this time though, i have changed, i have adapted, perhaps not alot in my own point of view after all, pretty much whatever i exhibit is truly me that was hidden beneath in a restrictive kind of society that i felt it was.

there was also the point that before i came here, i underwent a life changing course, which of course didnt allow me to be able to fully expend the outcome of it in singapore, and thus far, australia has received the full brunt of it, as well as the various ups and downs at the times when i had retreat back into my shell like i used to. regardless though, each time i go back home, or what is technically called my home, i no longer feel at ease, comfortable and so on, or even closed to being comfortable anyways, like i thought i used to. instead, i actually feel i belong here somehow. true, even after these 2 years, i am not totally a part of this culture, i have not explored even half of canberra nor seen the tourist sites that defined this place to the international world. but then again, i feel more "home" here than my birthplace. 2 years.

what a change.

incidentally, i have a few rhetorical questions to ask all of u. there's no need to reply in comment (though i have reckon by now few peeps bother commenting, me included on other people's blogs X-D), but really just ask yourself.
1) what do u really want in life for yourself?
2) what's behind that want?
3) have you really ever loved someone for who and what he/she is, more than what she appeared to be?
4) do you love yourself? slightly more than a couple of years ago,

i have never heard of blogging, never heard of people writing their stuff on their websites. perhaps i am just not net savvy enough, but at that time all i ever did with the internet was just shopping and messing around with my websites from geocities and while playing neopets (check it out !!! http://www.neopets.com it's cute :P). i did wanted to have an online journal of sorts but the html behind it was far too complicated for me and i didnt want to take the trouble to do it. as i said though, i prefer paper products anyways, and i often write in bouts of passion more than just a need to note down anything for that day. this often resulted in terribly long entries that makes up for the ridiculous amount of time that i actually spent on it, which was basically none.

the main reason i started blogging was more because i started studying here, which meant i have to email/write to all my friends basically regarding the same thing. now if ur like me, ur guna have 10 page 20 page long epics ready by the time they reply to your snail mail, and about half of that with the speed of email and what ever time they could spend. and it had be mostly about the same things. blogs by then made some sort of sense. again, though, i didnt write except when i felt like i had something i need to get off my chest. there never seem to be a need to write about something that is, trivial. going to school, walking by the river, stuff that u know exists but take for granted. you know how sometimes u talk to yourself, be it in the head or openly? well it has come to this point where i got fairly vocal about somethings to myself, mostly in relation to my courses, but also to other environmental issues. changes, disgruntled views or just opposing views to what i read.

i decided to just rant about it on blogs rather than look like a retarded person walking to school. n thus this blog was restarted with that in mind to just let me sit and rant (and u be surprise actually eventually some of these stuff actually goes back to my written assignments :O)

i chanced upon some articles yesterday, with regards to what they called "the father of blogging" or something like that, about a person named justin hall, who had blogged for 11 years by beginning of last year, spanning his entire college and post grad life i believe, through his dad's suicide, everything was fairly out there. perhaps one of the failings of the entire blog would be his fame, his name or just basically stating who the hell he was. when he ended the blog, it was on a highly emotional note where he fell apart emotionally, cause he had a couple of failed relationships and, judging from his video, perhaps a number of failed normal socialisation with people.

i never got the chance to actually have a look at his blog so i can't say for sure, but for 11 years of faithful blogging, resulting in almost 5000 pages of data, it must have been something. why did i call it a failure then? it was mostly from what i could gather from his video really as the site was closed. he felt that internet brought him a feeling of intimacy, which at the same time was pushing away people from him. he felt people couldnt trust him not to talk about them, not to talk about the people who lives about 3 hours away from him. i

n my opinion, blog is a good thing to rant, to let out some air for those frustrations. at the same time though, some things should be kept private. incidents that happens in your bedroom, incidents that happens between u and someone else, that from your own judgement should be kept private, should remain private. there are somethings i will not mention here, somethings that i choose not to. not coz i don't trust the net, but secrets are something precious, something that if u hold to ur heart, u learn to treasure. this can include the people u know, for they are such wonderful people, the experiences u have felt, or just the place u live.

there are moments where, i know it's ultra special. oh, i want to share with the world, but then again, i also wana keep it because its so beautiful it's just for my own mind's eyes only. therefore perhaps it should just stay there for me to cherish. of course there are certain such moments i want to share too. it's alittle hard to explain perhaps. but somethings, just certain things, are what people don't want to be shared. and i guess it kinda fell apart for him on that point. but as i have said, i havent actually read his blog and all i have mentioned was due in part to his video, which i have deemed as "screwed up..." because of the state of breakdown, reliance on internet and so forth, that he was. oh wells ^.^

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