sick person's boredom

being sick is one of the most tiring thing on earth. i don't want to do anything that would actually require some effort coming out from my brains.

that said, i actually thought of what to eat today, and what to do since i really don't feel up to it to play lineage today, go out, watch mr and mrs smith by myself as i secretly planned yesterday, and so on.

i wanted a good time out for myself today after siege and pvp practice, but as it turned out i was too sick to do anything, was sniffling in bed till 3pm. it's not a bad thing to lie in bed, but when you're feeling miserable and all sore and raw in the throat and sniffling... you'll be dying to get out of the bed and actually walk out to breath some fresh air.

except that you won't feel up to it.

and that's how bad i feel right now, with my throat raw as hell and the tap of a nose refusing to shut down properly.

i started reading news online, looking at different award winning blogs, admiring their writings and designs. i read some other political stuff that is related to my course for the second semester, but a half dead me just wanted bed again, although i really don't want to get in there.

the right side of my head feel warm, while the left side seems numb and starting to throb. somehow that reminds me of a penis, but i really shouldn't start imagining my head as a penis... it's pretty disturbing especially because i know i have far more intelligence than that.

amidst all these readings, and behaving like an ass on myspace, i started thinking again what to work as when i eventually do graduate. i do want to do at least honours, then masters or something. but in the mean time, i think my parents are no longer financially capable enough to see me through all that.

however, i don't feel like working in singapore. Don't ask me why, i just don't feel like it.

i have always kept to it that i never felt right at home in singapore. now having studied here for the past 2.5 years, it's even more painfully obvious about that. these past couple of months, i have been reading blogs on people returning back home to singapore after graduating from here, reading how they assimilate themselves back into the society seamlessly.

i dread reading them, but i still do. i dread thinking about going back, but i have to. i don't hate singapore, and a part of me will always be singaporean. but like i said, i don't feel like i am a whole part of it. i always felt like something odd that somehow ended up there by chance.

so what now? i am not exactly australian, i am no where. sigh.

being citizenless might be good. i shall go underwater and say hi to the fishes.. they seem to belong nowhere, despite countries claiming territories over different sections of the oceans and what not, i am sure fishes and what-nots at least wouldn't be able to tell the differences between the different slangs.

much less speak it.

so once i get better, i am going to hop over to sydney, probably hop off the harbour and go talk to the fishes. despite whatever scientists may say, i am sure they have far more intelligence than humans would admit to. i mean, we are always in denial anyways.

i am sure fishes would agree with me. i will tell you what those fishes say later on, when i do talk to them. meanwhile, let's wait for me to recover and stop feeling like a muck.

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