right. that was a horrible morning. then i set about reading my stuff, cuppa soup and all. slowly trying to relax and perhaps nap before class. no such luck. i turned on photoshop midway thru reading and got stuck trying to make a new heading for my blog background. dont get me wrong, i love ayumi, i really do, but i am no crazed fan, thus she has to go. the rest of the blog is cool though, so i have to figure something out. just doing something with her head being there.

now for those who knows me well, the last time since i last touched that program was also in conjunction with my dreamweaver program, way back in 1999. this is year 2005. a good 6 years have passed since then. so naturally i was a klutz. but when all is done, it will be revealed to everyone.

also, i discover this webby called multiply. it's like an online blog, album, contact list, calendar thingy all rolled into one. naturally i am interested for here is something i was looking for... an online photo album with no restrictions far as i can see (yahoo has only 30megs last i saw :() if i had discovered multiply before blogspot i might have totally relied on it. sadly, i didn't. it's a good all in one tool though, but at the end of the day, blogger is also easier for me. i am a klutz at techie shet, so linking, just purely linking to it, will do. so you can find the present link atm to your right. i have some old pictures there, and some new ones that i just added in today, including some doodling in class (sigh, need to get rid of that habit) and a couple of chalk war on the wall we have.

today is a good idea how forever klutzy i am guna be. i think i kinda like it tho.. allows me to KNOW and MEET new people. first off though, it might be coz i am an arts student, a syndrome to be all klutzy, it's an arty form after all, in my opinion XD. (okok i know its an excuse...) but u cannot, CANNOT ignore how many of the arts faculty lecturers are such klutz either with techie stuff in lecture halls.

it was something i will forever remember, my first day in introduction to politics in year one. the lecturer couldnt get his mic working the first day, couldnt get the lightings working the next day, and then both wont work, plus a third machinary, the av. at this point i was a little mortified. DOCTOR so and so is an utter klutz who cant get stuff working? then he started saying " i find this a natural occurence with all lecturers in the arts faculty.. we always seems to have a problem with this thing called technology..especially when they all merged into one control system (referring to the all in one computing system that they used to turn on lights etc.)." this was the beginning of my education, where i might ONE day end up like them and be totally unable to operate semi sophisticated systems. i felt worried.

anyways back to present day with this prof, he got the settings right at first go. honestly, there was nothing wrong with it. then 2 seconds into viewing the movie, he somehow decided there needs to be something else done. started clicking buttons here and there that resulted in no movies and flashing lights... by then the class was trying hard not to laugh, but the forestry lecture hall was beginning to look like the interior of icbm on a good saturday night, sans the music. thankfully he decided 10 mins later to just restart the entire movie and do the one click thing again. and then sat quietly down for the rest of the lecture.

to my own klutz for the day:

so i was doodling.. happily just doodling away, swinging my feet violently while listening to the lecture, before the movie started. then weee.... goes the cute birkenstock sandals i had on. it tumbled down the steps behind another's chair. naturally, i was too embarassed to stand up, or even took the time and the mask of darkness to get the offending sandal back. i mean, man, i would look like a freak. lets take it back after class.

smart one. the girl who got the sandal started kinda shouting, whose is this whose is this....?!?! oh my god, the shame T_T i wish i could just curl up and hide in a hole somewhere...

anyways, i was still glad about something tho. my friend nurjit called me today. just outta blue, a long distance call. she's getting engaged :(. i dont know if i should be happy or sad. this is one person who truly treasures her freedom, who wana marry probably after 28. oh wells. all the best to her though, even though its not marriage yet, but its married in the eyes of the law or some shet. i still love her, and wish her all the best :) sigh. now i am beginning to feel all old and wrinkly and stuff. and still acting like a retarded 17 years old.

i like being 17 years old though. i like this perpetual happiness that i can enjoy, i can appreciate. of course you don't have to be a 17 years old to be do all that. it's just with time, with age, more is expected of a person to conform and let go the frivolities of youth. expected to turn up at office and work off ur ass, to be a part of the rat race, die old and not be happy.

i don't want that. i don't know exactly what i can be, but i know what i want to be. i want to make a difference, i wana be different because i am different. i know i sound like this 12 years old. you know, 12 years olds sometimes make more sense than 40 years olds.

i wana help the children of the world, of the third world out of their poverty, out of their meagre and ignored existence. i wana be there when people die, so that they wont die alone, they wont die unloved. perhaps the only impossibility to this task is, i can't be everywhere all at once. but i do want people to know, someone out there cares. happiness is ssooo precious. true friendship is sooo rare. real love, rarer still.

it's not that i don't believe love and marriage won't bring happiness though. it's just wow. how our dreams change as we grow older. how everyone changes as the society pulls a stop to everything and everyone just follows like blind sheep. i don't wana be like that.

at the same time i fear too, that once i get out into the working world, i am guna be a bum and follow the flow and just drift into non-existence. that isn't me. we all aren't the same,we are all special. wtf at non-existence.

blahhhhhh

:) have a good day u special people out there....