a little tale~

no matter how strong a woman may see, she's fragile underneath all that strength that she puts on. for she is only strong for the ones she loves, and when they are gone, she loses the ability, even if it's for a while, to look as strong as she ever did portray herself to be.

on a night more than 20 years ago, a man step out to visit his fiance.

in his car he drove, along a rocky road, in dark unlit places, to the big family home she stayed in, in this little village about thirty minutes away from her. he was going to marry her in about 2 months, in a formal chinese ceremony. and he was going to visit her to discuss their wedding plans. she was young, maybe not very pretty, but has a heart that he loves, a mind that engages his and that was all that matters to him.

maybe it was too dark, maybe he was tired. no one really knows. a few meters from his beloved's home, his car crashed into a tree. the crash was loud enough to bring everyone out, including her. after all, she was a trained nurse. but when she saw the car, the bloodied face that she loved, she crumbled and all training went out of her head.

for all the pain he was in, his eyes brightened up a little when he saw her, and her trying to come closer to him amidst the gathering crowd. then a weird sound filled his car. and that was the last he saw of her.

infront of her eyes, the car blew up. the impact threw her off her feet, grazing her legs, her knees, her hands. but nothing will ever heal the wound in her heart, for when she turned and look at the car again, it was burning in pieces, with the remnants of her love burning with the damned damned car.

she screamed, she cried, warm tears rolled down her face, leaving wet dirt streaks all across her face.

that night, a young woman's heart broke. it was bleeding, bleeding..

bleeding within her, crying for one that cannot return..

crying for one who would have held her while she cries...

bleeding for the one who would never bleed again..

that young woman, who was so strong, so so strong, so rational,

was in pieces...

all broken.... all in pain.

for months, she tried to mend her broken heart. she didn't go to work for a month, she was a wreck for the 3 months after.

the day of their wedding came and went. her sisters rallied around her to support her.

but her mentally retarded brother, who sometimes could not even remember his own name, went to her on the day of their supposed wedding, "when is he driving here to pick you up?"

oh the pain! oh the tears! everything started again, as if it had just happened. she crumbled to her feet, her knees weak, her tears just flowed and flowed...

a year on, a wall have started building between her and the real world. this wall looks strong, this wall, it looks thick and firm, rational and powerful.

this is her, her face to the world, behind it lay the broken pieces of her heart.

she is going to protect herself, protect her heart, this person whom her love had loved and was going to marry.

she is going to live, no matter how she missed him, for she knows that is what he wanted. even if it was unbearable without him, even if it was with her crying alone in her bed at night, she is going to walk on.

and on.