a woman died yesterday. her name was theresa marie schindler.

a person said by her friend to be quiet, with her pets outnumbering her friends because she was shy, and who didn't like the limelight, her death was fairly... public.

she wasn't a superstar, she wasn't even a public figure of any sort. but her life after her accident, in her vegetative state, she became the icon of several legislative arguments, the reason for lotsa protests, and lotsa angst.

her conditioned lead to the break down of relationships between people, her death caused more angst than her life, because of her husband's request for euthansia. because, he claims, she would have wanted it.

her parents went thru several appeals to keep her alive, coz they believe the doctors were wrong, that she still had a chance to recover, their proof being her random smiles and eye movements.

in their grief of their loss, they fail to see, that in all likelihood, teri isn't going to come back. through, there have been cases, very rare cases, of people in coma woke and kinda lived. this is a person though, who have un-seeing eyes, who smiles as normal reflexes because reflexes aren't wholly part of the thinking process.

this is a person who's soul left us 15 years ago. and we are torturing their spirit by letting them watch what we are doing to their physical being.

a shy person pushed into the limelight, her loved ones not willing to let her go emotionally, thus causing uproars everywhere.

i wouldn't want that.

i know, that as a catholic i am supposed to be pro life, against abortion against euthanasia. that God is the giver and taker of life. we shouldn't be the ones who are allowed to have this "decision" because we can abuse it.

but if it's me lying on the bed there, i think it's kinder to let me go. i don't wana be there to strain relationships, to be a burden to the ones i love for they have their own journey to continue on. and the start of letting go of their grief is that i'm not there physically to egg them on.

people may say it's not a burden to carry for someone you love. yer. i know. have you look at it from the point of view of the one who's being tubed and in the hospice?

if i am not up and moving in 3 years or 5, then i am not likely to recover. if my brain is filled with more water than it should, then i don't think i can think can i? bear in mind i am no medic, i don't know the technicalities behind it. but i also don't want to be pushed into a limelight, as a basis of new laws, campaigns and so on, because my life was my life.

i am not sure if i had lived it to the fullest, or if had did all that i wanted to. but if it's time to go, i wana go and see God as soon as i can, without worrying about people hoping i had return, people arguing over what is just a... skin.

i love you guys. :)