damn eating

man i wish humans dont have to eat. then i can just sit sleep, play, games, shower go out shopping blah... i mean... the time needed to cook these things plus cleaning up and such. it's just dumb.

why can't we just lie out flat and absorb sunlight for energy just like plants? we are living things after all!!! in the end.. the sun is almost useless, save vitamin something that we only get thru being sunburnt and other things.

been playing games for the last few days since i was "released". not sure if it was a good or bad thing, considering that it also happened to be the siege weekends ingame. i met more retards than was assuring. i admit though, in games like these where u practically live there, strangers are easier to piss u off than friends, coz u expect the same type of common sense as urself. when they do stupid shit, i know i get so upset.

stuff like talking like they know everything, like they have big balls. and i can actually prove them wrong. it just shits me. i play this game however i fucking please, thank you very much. don't tell me who to rezz and who not to rezz, u dont own my game, i don't tell you what to do.

what i can't believe is the nerve of my friend, oh yer a friend, telling me exactly what to do in a game i BOUGHT and pay for monthly fees, what to do in a game. then threatening to kill me in a damn game just coz, ooo i don't do as he pleases. hi, silly, notice how many times u killed me wartagged or nai. how much i care. none. i treat u as a friend with respect, do it as such.

funny thing is, he doesn't find out certain facts. set isnt lars, and vice versa.

oh wells. whatever he say is correct.... it's a guy after all. a guy is ALWAYS right. gg. like all good friends, they all annoy. i shall just sit in my corner and mumble to myself.

i don't know what to do this holidays. dad seemed to have sent me extra cash to like, go melbourne or something. but its not like a damn lot. i need a break in a hidey hole tho, maybe outback alone? hehe, then i be eaten by kangaroos!

funny thing abt kanga's and koalas. last few days i been talking to a few people. they all seem to be asking me the same thing. "have u seen a kanga yet?" "how's playing with koalas?" "possums are cute huh, are they cuddly?"



hi... these are wildlife you're talking about. do i look like i am about to go get myself mauled by them for ur entertainment pleasure?

no. that's right.

zoos are zoos. most of them are commercial, if not all. tame animals in there does not often equate tame animals outside. if i am to go out now and grab a possum like my ex neighbour did last year, i might lose half a face. not quite sure if its worth it at that point then... eh?

so for all you hippies out there, yes animals are cute, we ought to help conserve their numbers, they are a huge part of our lives.

that doesn't mean i am guna risk my life to hold them in my arms for your pleasure.

dishes?

may i just add, that i am writing this with full on fury...? ok not really, but almost full on fury, since i have tried to sit down and mellow out but, yer, it's not working.

what happened tonight that blew me off, was that linxy asked me ingame to wash dishes coz he needs to use microwaveable dishes to make dinner for himself. there's nothing wrong with that part, since i did mention to clean last night's bout of dishes as he cooked. but much as he was busy ingame, i had also just woken up and was still in that blurry mode, and wanted to breathe a little.

or maybe just do it tomorrow. i had a siege earlier today and ended up not sleeping for the past like 28 hours before. so i was tired, aching all over and just woke. and trying to have my dinner.

so i was like, hey, i wash up often. dont need to have a go at me, i will clean up. so he started whining "but the microwaveable dishes are dirty and i need to make microwave dinner...".

i am not sure if he had a look at the shelves though. there was at least a couple of microwaveable bowls left. the new bowls though, i am not sure if they are microwaveable, but if they are, that's 10 bowls or something for him off the cuff.

so i told him "if u need just one bowl, just go wash one, its only 1 bowl vs many that i be washng."

note: all these in clan chat, in a farken game. talking to me, 10 meters away, is so hard.

then he starts whining about how he's been washing my dishes recently and its not fair that i make him clean this dish too for his own consumption. so i started getting mad. "look, i have also been cleaning ur dishes since we move in. it's just one dish linxy."

oh no.. "but yer most of those dishes were ur own, like i wash those dishes even tho there's only 4 of mine and 20 of urs." ok. u don't count how many times u have washed our dishes since we moved in, but u count how many dishes u have washed vs my impossible 20?

so i asked him "and this conversation goes in the game? why?" no replies. next line goes out to wadge and andoo.

went over and had a yell at him. "why, u can't talk outside of game dude?"

silence.

"i wash ur dishes too linxy."

"and i wash urs too" sullen reply ...

"yes but how many times linxy? ask urself that."

"i don't count panda!"

"oh and i do? how many times have u cleaned the bins?"

"i do my share too.. (blah blah blah that i was too busy yelling at him to actually listen)"

"yes u do, but ask urself dude, how many times have i cleaned ur shit, how many times have i carried out the trash and you have not. and does the convo with me ends up being ingame now?"

"no, i was ingame, ur ingame, so we talk there. i was busy talking to friends at the same time too ingame. what's wrong with talking ingame anyways?"

"that's not the point linxy! we live in the same house, u don't live far away from me, nor upstairs downstairs so don't give me that bullshit. and i am not here to be your maid,"

"i am not saying that you are! it's just with all these dishes in the sink, i can't clean just one bowl or 2"

"there's not all that many dishes linxy. it's just ONE bowl"

the hazards of living with someone u actually know as a housemate is that, when u do boil over, u boil over coz u have been keeping quiet about it for a long time, or u guys think that since ur friends, its ok to do this and that, not realising that the other party might not like it. then when u finally realises it, u hit the roof or the other party has already hit the roof.

first off. if u want to talk to someone who stays with you, do you

1) use the farken net to chat ? (msn/exodus/aim/whatever goddamn technology is out there)

2) or ask them in a general place in a game (something like damn irc chat with everyone in the goddamn room) to do something?

3) walk the fuck over by like 5-10 meters to that goddamn faraway place to ask if he/she is going to damn wash the dishes? even though, subconsciouly, u know if u ditch ur dishes there, and she being a little on the anal side, would eventually wash it coz it farken stinks?

i don't know how other people view it, i think rl friends > ingame friends and rl is always more than a fucking game. or maybe i am wrong and shud stfu and listen to my dad that guys don't like to lift a finger to fucking move out of their damn comfy chairs.

or better yet, listen to linxy's conservative chinese friends and basically as a girl, clean the fuck out of his room, the apartment and whatever shit that is here, whether or not it's my crap or his, just so he can play more games and relax when he's home.

but wait, i am not his maid, i am not his gf, why the fuck would i want to do that, or see a need to? oh wait, according to those friends, its coz i am his friend, i am a girl, and I LIVE IN THE SAME GODDAMN PLACE. fuck that, linxy's friend can be our maid.

but i digress. our home is set up such that we can use intercom on our phones. if i am on exodus (this msnger thing) i basically am contactble there for him too. and he utilises it well. if i am ingame, he talks to me there "panda, get me an ice cream since ur getting one". while these are GREAT communication tools, our home is only this small. between my chair to his chair, its not more than 20 steps (small feet don't count. small steps too.).

what's wrong with talking ingame/online and so on? hey, u have a problem with me, come talk to me. ffs, do we live 10 miles apart? does he live upstairs? downstairs? big house? no.

none of that. i think if u think about it... hour house is probably like, 100m by 100 m or something. its bigger than that, well slightly, but then again, its this one CLEAR path to his room and mine. so its not like we need technology to talk.

he claims he's talking to his friends online. ok i understand that. but you want somethings done? so u argue with me on clan chat? wait a sec. we live in the same house. what are you trying to prove? that ur right and i'm wrong and u want the world to see how fucked in the head i am? or that oo... there's no need to worry about panda... she takes whatever shit i hurl at her anyways.

just coz i tolerate all manners of retarded piece of shit people hurl my way, doesn't mean i have tolerance rate, doesn't mean it will continue, doesn't mean that you are right, and i take it at face value i am wrong.

as with a post a zillion light years ago, i am not anyone's bitch but my own. while i don't assert that on a daily basis, it's only 'cause "hey we live in the same house. if i see his dishes, let's wash it. he works, he eats at work, he eats out. i eat at home, so i use more, so lets wash more often, clean more often."

it doesn't translate to me being a whore, cleaning up everyone's dishes. it just means i know where my damn responsibilities lies. telling me to do something that's also partially ur responsibility, in a place and a tone where it seems ur right and goddamn i am a dirty slut, doesn't mean that hey, ur right.

no, it means ur a stupid fool and ur guna make me hit the roof earlier than i should.

secondly, considering how much i have cleaned up our dishes since we moved in, cleared the trash and so on, it's not likely that i won't clean up.

i have my own cleaning rages, and i don't like stinky kitchens. every now and then, linxy suddenly gets all hyped up about cleaning or eating healthy or something or another, and then yer, kitchen gets clean, we have hot food that he cooks. or something else. but on a more consistent basis, i clean up.

no i don't count such stuff. but u know what... he's done so little, i can count them. that's how much he cleans. he's taken out rubbish like twice now. before that, i can even remember him asking, if there were recycling bins in the bin center. that was like 2 months or so after we moved in.

other times, dishes piles up for 2 weeks. and he just walks past them, washes one or something, and uses it then piles on more.

and they sometimes end up being washed by me, looking a bit like this.





yer. that may not seem alot. considering how little bowls we have though, and how many times i went out to eat at that point in time (was a couple of months back picts), this IS 2 weeks worth. it was that many to take up 2 sides of the sink, rather than 1. and half of it was his, from a luncheon with his gf (birthday sunday i think).

the hazards of living with a guy, is that THEY ALWAYS FUCKING THINK THAT THEY ARE RIGHT. no i am not always right, i am not perfect either. but i admit that i dont wash up straight away, nor all the time. THAT, I DO.

i am not whining about having to clean dishes. i do get tired of it like everyone else, i do want a break from it occassionally, but i do do it. what i do whine about is if u contribute to that shit and u dont admit to it, or if u do, u just admit to a few of it, and then clean up as little as u can.

see, a dishwasher is a dishwasher. its not YOU cleaning up the dishes.

and if we have to utilise the dishwasher, it means that between 2 of us, we have either overused dishes, or its been accumulated over a long period of time. either ways, it means we are fucked.

i am done ranting. sorry for the long post. was just uber pissed that ONE bowl is so much effort. ONE dish is so much to be cleaned that oo, anybody should raise a goddamn ruckus over it or ask someone else to do it.

what are u scared of

Tears
afalling down my face.
Heart
won't stop hurting.

Four walls
Closing in.
Can't breathe.

Can't think.

Fear
races through my mind.
Lonliness
i feel

Four walls
Closing in.
Wanna run.

Wanna hide.

Hold me tight
I need someone to.
Dry my tears
I can't on my own.

Assurance,
What i need.

Tell me,
my world
is not crashing upon me.

blogskins and holidays

in a sense, holidays have started for me since i have no exams. last assignment went in today and i feel awesome.

i am tweaking around with photoshop and making backgrounds so far... jake is tweaking the fine bits of it, usually stuff i dont know how to do. i am not going to be changing this blog look much since i dont really know much about it yet. thing was, i got so frustrated last night trying to tinker with the other blog's html and designs with jake, it got annoying.

and the amount of people who sent in cut and paste types!! i mean, yer i am shit at it, and i really am in no place to comment. to be honest though, what most people did is just shove in a lame pict or too and then add html. its only the html part that i am dumb in. with what they did (erm... e.g stick figures) i can actually churn up something along those lines.

so when i got home today and decided that.. erm, ok let's see if i can throw together some stuff...

i dont remember much from my first photoshop lessons and got really upset. so this was what happened...



yer, i know it looks like shit. its meant to. i was goddamned pissed. then i started being smarter and turned to various tutorials that the damn program had. and cheated abit... and got this...



first lesson that i learnt from blogskins... cut and paste!!! and then a little of shifting work and voila!!!

oh wells. it doesnt fit this blog anyways >.>

i decided to be a little more hard working and actually use some of the tools that photoshop has, and downloaded some brushes that jaslyn/diorangel (link at the bottom right corner) had linked on her blog, as in her affliates/resources.... and also use bits of her tutorial to figure out how to crop images... then...



simple, but it looks decent. i haven't shoved in buttons or codes or anything yet coz jake is the html guy!!! :P

so anyways, that got me rolling and i tried various other shet that got me all excited... and turn up pictures that i really have no idea what to do with...





so to end it all off, i am fairly into trying to churn out more picts!!! just trying to see what i can come up with. even though i can't draw, i can make these little stuff and entertain myself :D oh wells :P

Creation of da tard blog

heh. notice the huge new button to ur right bottom? that's right. i finally got annoyed enough to start off a tardblog.

for everything i do, i have a reason, and if i can, so the pictures are linked to it as well. for this seperate blog, the case remains the same. checkout the layout.

sadly though, the codings are a little off, so had to make jake do something about it. and since i dont like tagboards (its like this mini chatroom when u already have a comments area.. urmmmm), i took it and replaced it with archives for now. in that sense, its still semi under construction, but that's another place to rant about idiots that appear infront of me on a daily basis. more like a record.

blatantly speaking, most people like to view others who are mentally handicap as the only ones who are capable of doing stupid things, saying stupid stuff and so on. it is but a special effect to a person.

what these "normal" people do though, can be so shockingly dumb, you won't believe it. and that's where my tardblog goes. specially for the obnoxious idiots of the society.

enjoy this birth :D for the lazy people, i shall just link u right here http://turtlepowah.blogspot.com

cursed ibook

this is retarded. i have been going to the apple center to get my new ibook since my last laptop died. and in the end all i have been getting from the retarded atm card i have got is that ooo fuck you, i am not letting u pass this transaction.

for the second time since i have been trying to buy that retarded laptop, my transaction has been declined, both out of the small withdrawal limit of my eftpos card (1k a day). i actually called them up to make it bigger, which they claimed they did but today again i found out that "oo sorry it looks like it wasn't done properly" DUH! you think!?!?!

you know how embarassing it is to go to a shop and then "ooo you have been declined. ur card is retarded" yes i know!!! then u got this goddamn queue behind u. everyone looks at you like some kind of paedophalic offender being put on execeution gallows.

the only good thing was, it was after class but before an apparently large 5 pm lecture, so since everyone was being made late by me, they stare at me furiously and left, thus allowing me time to talk to the apple center guy and ask more about stuff regarding the ibook.

no, i know wtf i am buying. but due to my grand excitement, geez i forgot wth it does only that it does some shit that i can't fucking remember. talking like a dyslexic to the attendant as well as having the memory of a mouse does not help either. poor guy was staring at me wondering wtf i was trying to ask: "uh, do u know if the ibook has uh.... u know that THING!?!?"

ya, sif he would know wth is that thing...

considering how much shit i have been through to get this damn ibook, i am beginning to wonder if its cursed. though u must admit with me that it is gorgeous, uhm but if its so cursed, i don't know if i should get it. (note no photos because i am on a school mac. first time i am actually able to blog from chifley library ever since the woman's protest ages ago. boy do i feel proud of myself.)

what if, just what if, after i bought it, so damn car come and hit me and the laptop broke.. gg 1.5 k down the drain.

or it rains, and everything inside rusts while i walk miserably home in the rain (yes i know it comes in a box, shuddup and let me kao peh.)

better yet, i walk walk walk, then one goddamn kangaroo comes at me, punching the hell out of me then runs away with my ibook?!?!

oh yer, those stupid kangaroos.

nono, i love animals, really. but kangaroos are so stupid, i feel so sad for them. u know, a long long time ago, mouse was driving us home from manuka or something in the middle of the night. u know, those late night CS snacking thing (more like out linxy's balcony cooking) and we were at coles. so on our way back, mouse hit a kangaroo by accident. it was dark, the only lights were the same colour as those kangaroos (they shud make neon lights instead, better to spot yellow kangaroos then yellow lights.).

there were 3 kangas. 2 were smart, one was just pure unfortunate i guess. instead of like the others, jumping backwards or forwards, it hop right into the air.

that's right, INTO THE DAMN AIR!!! wth... go front or back la, why middle?

anyways, we didn't know if it died and we didn't dare check coz kangas, despite however stupid they are, also have the mentality of a guy. "wtf, u killed my mate, i am guna farken kill you!!!" yer, that's how they think.

uhm, yes, my ibook.

so yer, i am worried about the day when i actually get my ibook. someone protect me when i do go get that stupid thing. or at least someone who's credit allowance is about 2k so if i get embarassed, your turn to look stupid.

so now here i sit in the library, waiting for wadge to finish his class coz i made the mistake of calling him to dinner and he has that huge 5pm lecture/exams too. but i dont wana look like a lonely soul with no friends or life, so yer. wait for wadge, i must.

damn yoda.

blindness and wars

just for those who are actually interested... i have updated my songlist again, took out some songs, add in some songs. go play with it if u want. just dont play it for 30 days in a row, i think i shud be fine.

other than that... to fix the blindness that andoo accidentally put me thru (more because my contacts are like 3 years old now, though they expire in 2007, according to the blister pack wrapper..), i went to visit the optometrist to have a check up that will inadvertantly give me the most precious prescription that i would need to get my new glasses or lenses, whichever i choose to go.

for those who are not familiar with whatever i am talking: unlike singapore, you can't just go in and say "ok i just want top buy new contacts supplies" or get free eye check then shop for new specs and go. optometrists here are like doctors here, must have appointment unless they aren't busy. you have to pay them to check ur eyes. and you need precriptions for contact lenses amd glasses. but mainly contacts.

i guess it's good, less eye infection possibilities for me :X i will never forget the pain my poor eyes went thru...

anyways. so i went thru the must-have eye check, which costs me 61 bux without medicare, and then promptly got told my eye sight is 275 on the right and 3.25 on the left, with minor astigmatism. most of this... does NOT TALLY!!!


wahahaha... spec's precription!!! my first too!!! so proud...

according to the freak in that shop where i bought my last set of glasses told me i was on the verge of being blind. somewhere around the 400s. the only reason why both my glasses and my contacts were 325 and 375 were because the jump in the sudden degree would destabilise me, thus he suggest i stick with those degree for another year or so or somehting.

i remember almost tumbling over the black chair when he made me wear those "glasseS" to try out. that was how bad it was. and i felt so drowsy too.

anyways, the only 2 things i can think of at this point is:

1) he was stupid, and got it all wrong. i am not all that blind.

2) my eyesight improved during the last 3 years. (opty here says its not possible.)

ok. so opty said it wasn't possible. but consider this, dad said it's possible, and it HAS been 3 years, even though she said almost 100 degrees difference is not possible, it just might be.

but. contrary to dad's theory though, much as i live around trees ponds and lakes, i haven't had the chance to really stand there at the window for 3 hrs each day to try and improve it. rather, i do spend at least 3 hours staring at computers and so on, between gaming and assignments.

so my guess on it?

that ang mo kio spec man lied to me!!!! he's in this gigantic conspiracy to make me look like the ultimate NERD!!!



instead of a BABE!!!!



needless to say though, i was very happy that my dear optometrist found this conspiracy out and told me!!! now i am slowly but surely on my way to babedom!!

but don't hold ur breath, i am too lazy to bother with my looks and such. my only concern with my eye sight was that i wanted to be a fighter pilot, a part of RSAF.

ya! up there flying those fighter jets and stuff and then possibly ramming myself to death by accident coz i am so silly. if you want to know that bad, i actually applied to it, got thru half of the application but got turned down coz my eyesight worsen so i couldn't even be allowed near the damn helicopter.

fuckit.

funny thing was, a long long time ago, my dad ALSO applied to rsaf and his eyesight worsen too around the time he went part way through the application process. infact, at his peak, he's like 500-600 deg on either eyes or something. so sad right? when i told him i tried for rsaf and i failed and so on, and cried so hard, he was like "eh... ur eyesight would fail one la, that's for sure. that happened to me too. it's murphy's law!"

i stared at him thru my tears. man, my old man and i have so much in common!!! he's the wrong sex that's all.

and murphy's law my ass. every time i want something, i need something, it's NEVER THERE!! NEVER AROUND!!! and when i don't need something (e.g cabs) they FLOOD my horizons. good work, murphy!!

anyways, i digress.

as it is, i am still semi blind. the opty doesnt keep stock of her contacts in shop so they are "fresh" when they come to me or something. i ordered contacts this time around coz honestly, 500 bux for specs, i rather go blind. i called up dad and told him a gorilla whacked into my face by accident and broke my glasses.


this damn thing la! broke my glasses!!! his name is andoo!! find him and kill him!

then, before he could wonder why there was a gorilla in uni, i asked him if he could get mum and himself to the same ang mo kio shop to get me new glasses, since contacts doesn't exactly correct my astig problem.

i don't exactly want to tumble into the arms of another gorilla now would i? and i am serious, i really told my dad i bumped into a gorilla. his first reaction was "HUH!?!?" then yer, i moved straight into the next point. didn't bother to answer his huh?!?!

the only problem i see in this, asking my mum and dad to get me my new glasses, is that they will both probably get somehting they both like. which means it's guna be damn obiang (out of date), and looks like something from the 1930s. HUGE and SQUARE and probably be TINTED BROWN or something like that. infact, it would be gold rimmed too, mum being the money mind and dad liking the fact that yellow skins goes with yellow jewellery and stuff.



not that he even wore that yellow shirt i bought him for father's day ages ago.

if they get me that hideous pair of glasses, i am going to make myself perfectly blind or perfectly recovered from ever having to wear those damn things again. as its easier to go blind, hrm, maybe i shud just go blind!!!

sigh.

i dread collecting that parcel now. good night!!

i just saw one too many dance shows and its making me itch all over...

despite the fact that u know, i havent quite danced for a while now, and my stock of mtv has been cut due to me staying on campus for the last few years, i try to go clubbing like once a year or something, but there's this huge urge to go "ooof ooofff ooffff aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" in the middle of the dance floor.



you know how it is, u get on the dance floor and its all just you and the music, and nothing else. it's just, flooowwwww with the music and yay.

the movies in question were basically, coyote ugly, dirty dancing 2, center stage and yer, that's pretty much it. oh i know the genre of dancing is really far apart in terms of what was being dance and so on. but i don't have any particular favourites. all these dancing are beautiful in their own ways.

and there are limits to dancing in your room. you bang into shit, you bang into glass, and the atmosphere is all wrong :( no smelly people to whack while dancing, no one doing all the "oi oi oi!!!" with the songs, makes it all wrong.

yer, the main reason for me to go clubbing is often the dancing, and nothing much else.

the dance school i went the year before is still there. i just uhm, feel shy =X yer i do feel shy sometimes! and i prefer to go with friends than going alone.



at any rate, i think i shall do it again in the second semester, just not sure what kind of dancing i want to do and if i want to do it in such a big class =X intimidating when u see really good people and then people with great dance figures and ur just a blob at the back.

and i dont know where to go either. it's just that school near us. but i know there are other schools and so on. i should really walk around abit and look out for schools i guess.

but at the end of the day, i dont want all those lessons to go to waste, i want to perform too. and that's where i often get disappointed. in my previous dance classes, i was often set to be like, one of the main 4 dancers or something, which often makes me happy. then along the way, the teacher would relegate me to the corp. there's nothing wrong with being a corp member, but to be treated like that, main, then corp, then main, then corp, makes me pissed off.



i would rather be a corp then to be shoved aside every single time.

i will see how ok i am next sem, with time tables and all. and also deciding which dance class to take! wish me luck!!

star wars

i am not a huge fan of star wars. i usually watch any movie coz of 3 main reasons:

1)there's lotsa hype and i wana get educated about the hype

2) friends brought me along and since they might not wana watch what i wana watch... oh wells..

3)the poster/title/actors blah blah blah interests me. this means anything that's on the surface side, including trailers.

ever since i first saw star wars epi 1, i just treated it like any other movie, it didn't quite catch all my attention that much. like wise, tonight's outing was pretty much coz of factor 2, and also, hehe, i wanted to see what amidala's costume might churn up to be like.

needless to say, i was disappointed on many levels. the costumes and hair weren't all that great. she looks like spaghetti reincarnate, complete with flowy dresses. i dont mind the dresses part though, after all, she was meant to be pregnant.

don't want to spoil things for u guys but then again, some stuff you should have known from the movie's site anyways, so just go watch the movie to get what i am talking about.

other than that, a particular scene towards the end amused me to no end. already, she looks fairly fakely pregnant. but that scene where she was lying on some bed or stretcher or something... the only showing part of her belly was "crumpled"

CRUMPLED!!!!

wat is with that!?!?!?

the only great thing about the movie, as always, will always be cutie yoda...



oh my little green bald friend. the one who needs walking stick to walk properly, but bounces around with more enthusiasm than any of the padawans... with a fart, he can push aside 2 people. how great is that!!!

my idol.. *drools*

at any rate, i almost strangled myself with my jacket, while also almost falling asleep. it was a bit draggy, but that wasn't the reason why i was passing out, more coz i was already tired anyways.

i was studying a little in the day and went on to have lunch at all bar nun. its half a pub half an eatery. what amused me the most was while i was trying to make peace with my text, a lady nearby was talking loudly and flirting with all the men in her vicinity, even the bartenders.

she's this 50 years old looking thing.

anyways, the 2 old men she was trying to attract, she was trying to get them into some kind of business plan with her. she started talking about searching for a camera to buy on ebay, and then went on to say how much she paid for it and then "ding" she had a brilliant idea! why not start business on ebay!?!?

so anyways, she started giving them the intricacies of business on ebay, how to buy and sell online. now for those who know ebay well, there are times u can actually find an item for like 2 bux and sell for hundreds, i kid u not. the thing is, its not just on ebay but if u see stuff around u that's unique and so on, u can sell it at a good rate on ebay too.

but all these needs business sense. and lots of it.

anyways.

so she kept on talking loudly about how good she is, and then commenting in the same breath how cute the bartender is.

to be honest, there is only so much emotions i can contain.

but the old man nearer to me fell asleep from the conversation! how brave!!

and that's when i decide that it's time for me to leave and spare myself the horror. strange people scare me, especially persistant ones like these.

oh yes, back to starwars.

suffice to say, it bored me a little too, especially hayden christensen or whateverhisnameis, because his face is just like that through out the movie -0-. it made me feel -0- too.

am i glad to be home T_T

hokkien

one of the first languages i picked up, and first words, wasn't mama or papa. it was "OI! KUA SI MI LAN?"

oo. i am serious. for those who don't know, that's the fujian (hokkien) dialect. which some people like to refer to as taiwanese. to me, it's my home language. to be honest, my parents and i speak more in mandarin than in either hokkien or english, but i can swear fairly fluently in hokkien... yer... thats how my family is like. we are damn open with each other.

back to what i was saying, kua si mi lan, also equates, "wtf you looking at." literrally. of course subsequently came the "lan jiao" aka penis, and "cheebye" aka vagina... erm well, not in such nice overtones... hehehe. no i didnt have some sub human upbringing. my parents were uncouth people who were brought up in the village, in uncouth neighbourhoods who worked hard for their money in the most uncouth of places. rough tough people in a rough tough world.

then of course, my dad was also a police in a time where "policemen wear shorts".



so in his opinion, to fight evil, well.. you fight with evil! so if the criminals yells out "mata lai liao ah!!! gin ah!!! wa neng ki jit dao hit dao" (or, "police are coming!!! hurry!!! let us go here and there... blah blah blah") my father wud be yelling "na beh, li ai ki tou lou!! kan ni na!!" (ur.. mum? where u wana go!?!?!fuck ur mum!!) something along those lines....

both of them do try and keep it clean when i was young, but u know, it's never easy when it's a part of u to swear the fuck off your heads. of course the good part is, i learnt at a very young age what NOT to say to your elders and friends, least you scare them off.

i don't remember now if it was my parents who actually told me to stfu on such words or isit just a natural thing that i copied from my parents, aka, fake it infront of ur relatives n friends. so naturally, at the beginning of my life, i was a sweet, quiet, wholesome little angel.

or not.

essentially at home though, to prevent me from using much of those well learnt words, i was either to speak english with dad since at that time his english was considered well spoken... or with my maids anyways, or speak mandarin through out. i opt for the later. not so confusing.

of course when we are gossiping about mum, english is the way to go. if u didn't notice by now from that last paragraph, mum knows 0 english. nothing, zilch, nada.

so between me and dad, we have LOTSA stories. including secrets like my friend having abortions and so on. while i can trust my dad not to holler to the neighbourhood at large, mum is another story.

but they both used to think my hokkien became non-existent, for some odd reason.

so one day, they were gossiping about ME!!!! by then u know, i had stop conversing with either in hokkien, and feign ignorance about most stuff they talk about. mostly because it involves me running errands.

watching tv happily, dad was telling mum in hokkien (for the sanity of everyone and so i don't type twice, i am guna type everything in english.) "eh, our daughter... she said she wanted to be nun you know..."



"wtf. she can never be a nun la, look at her, bad habits everywhere... undies here, socks there, cuss worse than a pirate, and me... she will grow out of that notion la."

if you're wondering about that topic, yer i did consider being a nun once upon a time. coz guys are just too troublesome. so whiny. so attention seeking. nia eh. nvm. on with the convo... which by then have picked up my interest a fair bit...

"that's what i told her too. can u imagine her meditating? i think the Gods will start laughing and then it be the end of mankind"

by then i was barely controlling my temper. and they were sitting RIGHT BEHIND ME!!! the audacity of parents!!

mum started laughing at this point.. "imagine if she joins the church or temple (i haven't made clear at this point where i was going, and parents were buddhists), she guna convert them to download music for her and then have disco right in the temple!!"

"you think? they will be all wearing colourful stuff. oh man, i can't bear to think of it... and considering how much she likes tv, all the beds will be affixed a tv stand or something coz of her"

me "WEI!!! U THINK I CAN'T HEAR ISIT? I AM SITTING JUST HERE HOR!!! WTH MAN!!!!!"

both looked at each other like this O.O.

"you can understand ah?"

me "erm.. i DID grow up with u guys u know"

subsequently they gossip only when i am asleep. not that it's very successful.

if you're wondering... my friends too did mention the same things about me converting the nuns rather than they converting me. besides, i abandoned that idea since i decided that living on the outside might be better. mind you, i have all the respects for people who decided to leave the normal paths of life and dedicate their lives to their gods. but, alas, for me, i happen to love God and life in the normal way.

sad eh?

what lead me to posting this crap now?

reading this site. totally written in hokkien, albeit some of the spellings is obviously up to the writer, he isn't that far off the mark anyways. as long as lim peh can read, can liao. hehe... i laughed so hard reading his blog, whoever wrote it is a damn genius. it ensures the readership to within a certain boundary, if not, u know, people can ask their friends to translate.

while talkingcock.com uses them in the pure form of singlish, hokkienlang is entirely.. hokkien. so classy!!! omg XD reminds me of dad and all his "wa lan eh..." when he was younger.

now if anyone says this, first question he ask wud be "where is your penis (lan)?"

second would be "what's wrong with your penis? got disease ah?"

damn, gotta love my "dysfunctional" family, as my ex teachers would call it.

blog pet!!!

ehehhe, see that cute thing to the right? its my blog pet!! well kinda.

technically speaking if i am using other forms of blog setup (e.g moveable type) i could have the pet doing more things, such as randomly posting a blog (all in jap!! atm as far as i could see there's no english version to it but oh wells!!! but it's so cute!! oh, well, there was a english version, but though it shows up on google i cant seem to access the site. i think it's down or something so meh...

thanks to mari-chan,i managed to half fumble my way through (partly coz i guess the setup changed as well since she was last there.). with some bad help from babel fish, chinese readings, i got it semi setup. but this being blogger, all i can do is set it up here and probably rss feed it abit. but, just so u guys know, other than on my Awasu rss reader, i actually haven't got my rss feed working anywhere else. thus, the rest of what u could actually read off this baby panda, is really jap.

but yer here it is! complete with a temporary background of my lake burley. well, i don't know what else to use as background. i could make my own, but i honestly suck at making graphics. if someone could actually come up with something more hospitable for my dear baby panda, i would damn love it. thanks !

on another note, i almost cried laughing at this blog. just go read it. i guess i don't have to tell you why after you have read it. but i am not going to spoil it for you other than uhm...

laugh with me omg!1 i am crying so hard from laughing haha.. although i admit, that poor blog hasn't been updated in quite a while. but still worthy of note since it IS from harvard law school, and they sound as ridiculous as everyone else in the blogosphere

Funny people rocks!!

people who study till their brains fall over pwns too!!

ok i am going stupid i should stop procrastinating... otherwise, the more i blog, the more that i DON'T blog during the holidays when i am gaming the fuck out of my brains is going to piss everyone off

but then again, reading blogs can be educational too

laggatastic

well. seeing how lag worthy today was, i gave up and tried to tumble around in the house, in an effort to work off my frustrations. i was trying to study too, but my hyperactive mind refuses to work cohesively with me seeing that i have nothing much to distract it, other than music and more old animes that i have already watched before.

i even did a bloody handstand while trying to read AND listen to music at the same time. it didn't quite work. so firstly i started trying to play cs amidst the lag.

this was the result...



yer like... hi, 259 ping, wtf were u thinking? or rather... 259 mins to go hrmmm not a fair bit of time i want to spend on that. so i ran off in the general direction of the living room, fairly upset as u can understand, coz i couldn't really distract myself much enough to study properly. (for the poor few people who doesn't know me, i have to be very distracted to be able to study well.) so i started tumbling in the general space of the bed in the living room (the sofa wannabe).



yer that's the general mess for the person who asked for it. like i mention in my audblog earlier, YAY! he cleaned up abit. i don't know why he hasn't pack away his clothes though. but then again, considering how much of a hazard his room is (hazard as in a general one, not just a fire hazard) i guess he would want some spare clothes that isn't guna get burnt! he cleaned the bins though!!! what a sweetoe... but other than that, yes i am the pink stick figure who was doing that handstand wannabe there when linxy left for sym's bday.

then i realised, er, yer i was suppose to meet rosie and andoo for dinner. or try and study and dinner. lag sux shit. so i rollerbladed over in these killer blades. literally.



for some odd reason, either my feet got fatter or the shoes shrunk, but yer, they were pretty tight. and havent been blading for so long, i kinda didn't have much balance. as u can guess, i made lotsa disastrous falls all the way to uni, finally deciding (wisely) since i don't exactly know a non-road path to bruce, i may as well just walk there from the traffics. my bones ache so bad . the fluffy thing to the right, btw, is my ugg boots. they are warm, but they are fairly dirty a result of it being white and me trying to act cute. and inadvertantly walked over a pile of possum poo. eugh.

at any rate, i reached andoo's and rose's place and resulted in me watching them try out aoe parties in this area at the ancient battlegrounds. what's funny was reading the chinese farmers' communicating with each other. they are just so used to thinking that anyone who speaks chinese must be one of them that they just shout or use trade chat to tell everyone of "them" that so and so is red and they are trying to clear red at this place and so on and so forth.

if i had a chance, and if this was on kain and not on hindemith, i would have asked a few good friends and farmed the fuck outta them. i won't ever forget what great loot the SM farmer group drops. sadly, being a healer, i can't really farm them by myself. oh wells. who cares. just a game.

now comes the interesting part of the night. after macca's, and a few bit, rosie wanted to do some studying and let me played abit on her, which i don't mind it's a new character anyways. and i stsrted accusing andoo of being gh3y. so he turned over and tried to knee me in the face, but ended up smashing my 150bux stupid old rotting, moulding glasses. WHICH WAS FINE WITH ME.. hehe, it's old and twisted anyways. who the hell needs glasses!! i shall be blind!! but for the next few minutes i proceeded to tell everyone i could that he tried to kill me/ deface me/ blind me.... and he felt so bad. awww

don't worry, i feel bad too that i am semi blind now.

now i'm home, blind and broken bones and all... i shall attempt to finish patching my cs so i can annoy my ex clannies online!! muahahha... the return of the annoying elmo song!!!

not to mention the meows...

the moos...

oooerr i am getting excited.

sidenote: oops yer, that's my fhm. WHOLLY BOUGHT AND OWNED BY ME!! just wanted to see the top 100 hottest girls. such a disappointment. wth, bec cartwright.

testinggggg

since my net speed went up a little and i shud stop being a whiny bitch, i decided to try out this audio thing...

hint: its for the times when i am too lazy to even to tyep w00t...



basically click that button or right click it and save target as, and yer, u download my whiny voice. it's just 1 minute long, enjoy the terror

moblog & audblog

I hate my isp. And i hate uni pc's. As far as i'm concern, i can't use blogger dashboards there. N my isp love 2 lag it up. I cant open a single page without errors. Wtf. So now i haf 2 resort 2 paragraph-less blogging, frm a non camera ph,2 let u knw i got my time/date wrong n i went 4 wrong class, AGAIN! Sigh. I shall study then...

blue crush

yj... u know, whenever i watch blue crush (i dl-ed it, and still repeatedly watch it sometimes..) i tend to think of the day you, zita and me went to watch it? just a few days before departure, and also, yay, free from work lol..



a few days ago, i walked past sanity, this dvd/cd shop here, and i saw the dvd on sale. i couldn't remember anymore when i first watched it with you guys, but i would never forget what zita said after the screening..

"wah lau, now i feel sea sick... eh let's go learn surfing!!"

lmao!! all that water!!!!

but i also remember talking with yj in those days. she was a little upset with me leaving. well not upset. she had just kinda lost the "feel" with a friend who kinda just drifted apart, mostly coz of her changing due to different environment, different friends and so on.

i know i have changed, for better, for worse, i don't know, and i don't want to judge myself on that. i have learnt to be easier with life, it's not always about the results but everything else around you too.

i have learnt that people die sometimes, though letting go is hard, it's better to let go than hold on to ur grief and wallow in it.

i have learnt i want many things, that i may not have, that may not be as important as the people around me, my friends most of all.

i have also learnt to "fuck cares" and just be myself. u know, i used to be petrified, i am scared of people because i don't know how they will react to me. if i am as vulgar to them as i really am, would they mind? wud they disown me as friends?

if they really know that i laugh so much for the stupidest reasons, and even if those stuff aren't meant to be funny, would they still want to be associated with me?

i had my own insecurities then. and though i know deep down if my friends don't stick it with me coz of me, then they aren't really worth it, i didn't want to lose them anyways because everyone of them of them were precious to me. i didn't feel wanted at home, nor loved, nor all perfect. and friends are the closest thing to a family that i ever could have while growing up.

yj was also the one to intro me to online diaries and such. i can't remember what lead to it, but eventually, one fine day, i started a diary in mydeardiary, coz she told me about it.

reading yj's blog all the way back in 2003 was nostalgic o.o hehe. it lead me to try and look at my own blog back then, on mdd. and i realised that man, i blogged since 2001. but back then, between 2001 and the time i stopped in 2003, and moved to blogger, i did a total of 20 posts.

mostly fairly emotional ones too :o as i said, i used to only post when i was feeling very emotional about something. i don't post what i do daily, what i think, what i laugh about. mostly because, i feel this as an emotional outlet. also, deep down, i also know that the net is a very public place to air ur views. i don't know if it would be ok, to be myself on the net. to be whatever i want to be, and give the finger to those who don't like it.

occasionally, and pretty much from out of nowhere, someone would randomly post a comment saying that this and that is awesome, and i felt shyly elated, if u know what i mean. and felt more encouraged to write.

but i was still uncomfortable with posting online anyways. most of the time back then, i was also posting from the home of my ex bf who had better net than me at that stage and of course, we were glued at the hip coz he wanted to meet me as much as possible. so i felt weird having someone trying to read from behind me. he wud just stand there and read or pretend to walk past.

so yer. no privacy hehe.

to end this thing though, i just thought to let u guys know, i still love u all. i do change, doesn't mean i dont remember u or the times we had, the tears we she between us and everything else.

most of all, u guys made a huge impact on my life, having a hand in making who i am today. thanks :D

YOU BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways, i thought i had post something up that was from my original blog, a poem written way back in march 2002, while waiting for my a lvl results.

Changes in The Wind

i heard them..
it was not the usual talk.
it was not about Others.

it was about me.
about us.

i feel the wind of sorrow,
i felt it caressing my face
with its icy fingers,
weaving rain upon my face.

i see the seas churning
it blurred my vision of happines,
the night grew older,
as i grew colder.

do i have to lie in blood for
you to see?

do i have to cry,
for you to know?

do i have to look you in the eye,
for you to feel what i feel?

the grieving winds heard my cry
they came upon me,
billows upon billows,
encircling me in comfort,
struggling to ensure i dont fall.

the rain felt my pain...
they howl in grief
as i would in my heart.

no one heard my cries that night
no one did,
no one ever would..
as i lost you forever into the world.

Fear the world

@ all bar nun today, i tried to order my chicken salad coz i thought that it was guna be 3 soon, which meant sushi bar would have been closed. after ordering salad, handed over a 50 dollar note only to have the waiter calculated stuff at the till and then returning money to me, asking me for 16.50, but u know.. giving my money to me!! then with a weird look at her hands she's like "omg i'm sorry!!"



me: er it's ok, no worries.

she: u know how it is, i got distracted by kylie minogue's breast cancer story all over the news. seeing boobs all over the news like that, i just kept thinking about it and i didn't know what i was doing. u know boobs does that to you and seeing them all across national newspapers...



worried for my sanity, when i got back my change, i just silently siddled away from the bar top and just... left her rambling incoherently. *shudders* i mean, i don't have perfect boobs. she just might get even more distracted and start telling people my boobs.

then i went out for dinner with the guys at hog's breath. mmm steak. would have been very good but ooo i think i ate too much entree stuff. finger food and soup o.o. i felt almost unbalanced at the end of it.

but i can only blame linxy and wade!! on the ride there, i was unlucky enough to be shoved between those gigantic masses who decided that being short and in between them, they SHOULD smashed me up. so both squashed me between them, making me want to puke, before dinner.

so after dinner... yer i really wanted to puke.

and i think i scalded my palate on drinking that fake potato and leek soup (it's really curry potatos and leek soup) coz midway thru the soup, i felt this smooth bubbly thing on it and tried to lick it off but it wont come off. tried to dig it out, thinking its vegies or something, and it wont come off. then i realised, it was a bubble on my palate!! it was like those smooth bubbles that forms after u scald urself, but on my palate =/ so it hurts T_T

got tired after dinner and came home and tried to sleep. slept happily when at 1.30 am, dad persistantly called me and suffice to say, i woke up, and that bubble on my palate just kaboom in my mouth. eww.

i thought something might have happened and finally called him back (coz despite linxy telling him i was sleeping he was still spamming my mobile..). only to hear this...

"arllooooo mad womannnn how's ur pigging out beenn?? arlloooo"

wa... du lan!!!! lin na eh, wo xu yao shui de hor!!! heng hao xiao meh? qi zao ba zao da dian hua lai ri siao... wtf man!!!! (translations for those who erm, yer, cudn't understand my moment of "pissed off"-ness: wa... pissed off!!!! ur mum, i need to sleep ok!!! how does it look funny to u?!?! calling me in the wee hours of the morning to make fun of me!!!)

"what you want dad?"

"no ah, now that i realised ur really sleeping, ok la! byes!!"

"wtf, u woke me up just to say bye?"

"no ah, i thought u know, u were faking it who knows!!! anyways, just thought u should know they renew my work contract so i can buy you more stuff now. but since u wana sleep, it's ok man!! go sleep!! no money for u lalalala"

DU LAN!!!!!!! DUI DUI DUI DUI DUI!!!

"wah lao eh, u woke me up and now want me to go sleep?"

"ya... sleep precious what... u shud go sleep... even though u know, i am an intl caller, i am a special guest, so u shud really be awake no matter what..."

"erm... dad i have classes u know... not like i am so eng (free) like you, call people at 1.30am in the morning..."

"ya! but i thought u need to buy new laptop? thought call u tell u to buy new one la..."

*sigh* at this point, i don't know how to be frustrated or to be happy. but being just freshly woken up, i was definitely on the grouchy side.

"ya but... i was sleeping -.-"

"ya! eh what's ur name ah? i keep forgetting, then had to grab ur old id to ask ur housemate for u! then he doesn't seem to know ur chinese name either! then i don't know if he knows what's a panda... so!!!!?!?!!? ya so what's ur name!?!?"

"OMG DAD!!!!!"

"hehe"

..........

he actually thought that was funny.

-.-"

if i am more awake maybe i would have thought it's funny too...

donations of the wild kind

discovered this on haro singapore.

these poor girls were being scolded by an auntie for even daring to ask for donations from her, because, according to her "You don't ask people for money!! People have no money where got money to give for donation! You think everyone got money?"



being forced to stand out there in the sun, have to sacriface weekend to do stupid flag days, have to look at idiots who make fun of us, or people who pretend we don't exist, then now this kind of abuse.

what the hell is flag day coming to?

back in my secondary school days, then later on while in jurong institute, from what i understood from my teachers, doing flag days went from voluntary work to being compulsory in school. one of those things that we were supposed to do just to earn "community work points" just so we can leave school with a "good record". nothing wrong with that, just that it's not fair, not everyone wants to do community work, and not everyone will learn the "giving spirit" just by fulfilling those points.

i mean, the only reason why some of the people had these points were coz they went for flag days. they chose this option rather than like, go old folks home la, go do overseas charity work and etc, bcause they just weren't interested. Flag days were just the easiest way out, stand under the sun abit, try and get people to put in some coins, give stickers away, and voila, points.

of course, there were always the odd few who put in enough to make some noise, and then sit at mac donald's or go watch early movie or something, then bring back the cans/bags at the right time.

there were those, like these three girls, who ernestly works at it, even though it's tiring, hot, people stare at you, run away from you, very sad kind of moments for us. but we do it you know, coz we actually bothered enough. and when you have friends with u (usually work in pairs la..) you feel a bit more encouraged, coz it's not like the easiest thing to do, asking strangers for money for people u don't even know and aren't likely to meet.

those girls who got yelled at, i feel so sorry for them. i mean, wtf auntie, u think we wana ask strangers for money meh? donating online to the various communities jiu hao le, who the hell wana walk around and shove bags into faces asking for donations?

not only that, if u got no money, how's that our business? just like you said, not everyone has the money, thus the need to help those who can't help themselves, like you, dear lady, who could actually work for it. even my dad also at least put in $2. it's not alot, it's not like it means anything (hell even my sis could put in money), but even if it's not for the community chest or what not, it's for the fact that someone plucked up the courage to walk around in the sun to ask strangers for money.

the poor girls who just stood there and got yelled at i guess didn't wana do anything about it either. on the one hand, walking off would have seemed rude and such, and they were in their school uniforms (SCGS - one of the top schools, so can't be helped =/). on the other hand, if they had replied, she wud have just ranted that "u don't have children to feed, how would u know?"

i think while we don't have children to feed, it's only fair to view us in another light. most students work part time nowadays to support their habits, without relying too much on parents. while parents had willingly give, alot of teenagers now want to go movies, buy stuff for friends, support multiple handphone bills. it's not the same, but we have also grown to understand the word "bills" as much as auntie ah-soh does.

what wud i have done back then while i was in their shoes?

sigh, i would have stood there too. don't wana embarasss my school also la...

article written can be found here.