~my little corner~

the big issue

2005-08-27T00:41:00.000+10:00

the big issue
Originally uploaded by daydream scream.

Tooting Broadway Street Geezer

2005-08-27T00:39:00.000+10:00

Tooting Broadway Street Geezer
Originally uploaded by Jonathan!.

test post

redirection

2005-07-06T09:27:00.000+10:00

ok... this has officially moved. you'll be re-directed in 5 seconds or less (coz i am inept..) if your browser hates you, click here...

Moving!

2005-07-05T08:30:00.000+10:00

well. i haven't been posting! haven't you noticed!

the website went down for 18 hours yesterday while jake and i were moving the data from blogger to my new site. most of it is already up and going.

the new site's at http://www.ghostelf.com. we are still in the process of tweaking it, but most of what's supposed to be functional is already working.

in a few hours i will set this to auto re-direct you to the new page once jake is more or less ready for me to allow re-directs.

^_^ have fun and update ur links/favourites and what nots ^_^

Browsing...

2005-07-03T10:32:00.000+10:00

Song i am listening to : none, watching Konjiki no Gash Bell
Mood : satisfied

one of my blog-and-news browsing in the last few hours (i made full use of my awasu rss feed, wahaha) lead me to this site, called the live 8. please sign the campaign to end extreme poverty. they don't need your money, they want your voice, one by one, to sign up, and end extreme poverty for the world and the world's children. right now, worldwide, concerts are going on to raise awareness as well as to appeal to the leaders going for the g8 summit to make provisions to end the world's poverty.

countries rich in resources are also the very same few who have the most extreme form of poverty in the world. yet the countries that are buying these resources off them seems perfectly well off, infact very well off. if everyone contributes to help the poor ones out, wouldn't there be no more poverty?

The past few hours were spent, reading whatever i can lay my hands on and watching Gash, an anime that jason, my friend back home in singapore, once showed me but i have never managed to find on the network back on campus.

i try to space my anime out abit now, due in part to the fact that i don't like parting with the characters i just met... so soon. Like how i take my novels and what not, i do not enjoy "losing" them the moment that i just "met" them. sounds queer i know, but remember the last good book that you read? and how you wish it would never end?

exactly.

then i popped by my haloscan comment controls just for a while, and got a new comment from a person's blog i have been lurking for a while. wow. lol. i never realised people could find out where they get linked back from on some kind of control panel or something. found out from another friend later on that you could just ask for statistics from your web host or something, and then it would all be revealed unto you.

i lurk alot on many blogs, many different pages, for the sheer joy of reading. i love to read stuff that isn't too... theoretical. much as i enjoy studying, i don't exactly like what i read all the time. alot of them would make sense only if, say, i am in that situation.

not sure if i actually made that clear. o.o

anyways, alex of the hurlnecklace site that i liked so much (to me i simply find it gorgeous. it's simplistic, yet feminine, doesn't roar of "i am a feminist" yet is ... ahhh) happened to drop by and commented. hehe. makes me feel all so weird for not commenting on her blog. yet that's just me. i don't like to comment too much.

many times, i view someone's website, words, sayings, i feel like commenting, telling them "hey, this is all so wrong" or "you should have done it this way" or "i feel sorry for you" and hope they would take what i said. but many times i stopped myself because i know, i can't understand how a person feel in their situations, because i know i haven't been in that situation before, and all i could provide was really just a listening ear and a comforting shoulder.

in the case of blogosphere, there's no way i can provide the shoulder, but i could just read and "listen".

and if i do agree with whatever so and so had said on their blog, it would seem weird to comment the very same that they had mention in their post anyways. so no comments are needed.

granted though, my own friends get a little upset when i don't comment on their blogs, or even tag them. first off, i don't really like tags. u notice how i don't have one on my own blog. i just don't think my diary is a chatroom. secondly, i am more likely to get spammed by funny people, and i dont feel like having to censor them or something, easier to prevent these buggers by not having a tagboard at all.

but i like comments, and i know my friends do. i do try and leave comments on their blogs as much as i can push myself to, but if i don't see a need, i don't really want to. :( man i m so mean.

While reading today though, i noticed something that was often my focal point of attention in the last few months while studying genocide cases worldwide.

Darfur, the place where for the last few months was basically a scene for genocide, was what some people might call, a repeated scene from 10 years ago, aka, Rwanda.

The horrors of genocide, where millions of people are killed for their beliefs, their race or just something that groups them up as one, cannot be told in simply words alone.

The united nations themselves set up many calls of "never again" along with their policies in the hope of stopping future genocidal cases, that the world may "never again" reel at the horrors of tyrants killing off millions of people with reasons that are racial or otherwise.

In this article, Kofi Annan expressed regret about how much more he could have done for rwanda 10 years ago, and how the international community was guilty of failing rwanda.

10 years on now, dear sir, and we have failed darfur too, don't you think? the slow response, the unwillingness to stop attacks just so that the other side of the country would have peace from civil wars. both are equally important, both had slow reactions from the international community. are we sure that those people who head the UN cares about the international community?

are we sure that the UN cares for world's poverty? are we sure that the United Nations is truly for the better good, or just another red tape to go through that would slow the processes to get aid for those who really need it?

While Kofi Annan can criticise the international community for slow reaction, the UN, while not supposedly as powerful as it sounds, can still urge and prod the leaders more. the number of news articles about what's happening in darfur though, seems more than the number of articles talking about the appeals at the UN. by a large number.

maybe we don't know what's happening behind closed doors, maybe we as the public don't deserve all that knowledge and do not understand political needs, wants and obstacles that politicians encounter.

but we do know that massive amount of deaths mean something. that's why there are non-profit organisations, that aren't part of the UN.

tell me, why the slow reactions... why the deaths. why?

Changes

2005-07-03T02:45:00.000+10:00

Song i am listening to : Mariah Carey - We Belong Together
Mood : overslept

Well.. my little nap turned into a long one. i guess i was really tired out. Can't be help then.

before i slept though, i called up Crazy John's about my phone, but now they gave me an eta of my phone on either tuesday or wednesday. I know i left my number with them, and if they had changed the eta they should call and if they don't, i should have wailed at them. However, they have been extremely nice to me since the time i asked them for help, as compared to the vodaphone customer service that i called, who promptly just told me that it can't be done.

unless i bring it back to the Service Provider that i bought it from, aka, T Mobile USA. great, i spend another like 200 bux so i can use it on YOUR network? ur mad. and stupid. and bad customer service. but whatever....

well, and i promised an announcement.

remember a few days ago, i was talking about my own webhost, my own domain and what not? Jake and i have finally decided to take up on ace-net's offer, 5 gig space and 100 gig bandwidth. there's another one with a 4 gig space and 100 gig bandwidth by bluehost. i guess we got excited anyways, and just wanted something big enough for both of us to have our blogs hosted on there, and perhaps a forum as well (well that came later in our minds when we discovered the forum capabilities :P). i still don't know why we need forums!

it has wordpressed installed, so saves us the decision of movable type or wordpress, or just use as ftp to blogger.

this means basically, i am moving my blog. i know i know, i said i won't move, but this is too delicious to resist :P, and wordpress is so much more customisable than blogger as a whole. i kinda like that. although i have 0 idea how to customise it (welcome to boyfriend tech support, how may i help you?), it means i can LEARN something about everything else anyways. maybe, from then on, my entire blog might be all techie talk!

oh noes... i am turning into a nerd/geek/tech support!! help...

but yes, this blog will be moving. just probably need a few days or something, while both of us figure out how to work it, tweak it, personalise it, then move both our blogs. the address is similar, just this time in english, rather than faux german, seeing how i have misspelt it...

wasn't my fault though! dictionary's!

once everything is up and going, and i have moved my entire blogger content there, i will set up a redirection thing for u guys for a while, till i am sure most of you have updated your links.

and i am using firefox browser!!! the only thing i like so much about firefox, is the multi tabs. i am sick of ie bundling up into 10 windows while i am doing research and what not. its kinda hard to scan thru the multiple window tab thing when its piled up like that, i rather look left to right.

so many changes in one day... i feel exhausted. oh wait, i have slept 12 hours now.... hrm... what should i change next?!?!

oh wells... waiting to go breakfast at flirty gorgeous again. that place is addictive. that said though, i pretty much dont eat anything else for the rest of the day o.o. need to bake those damn cookies...

miyagi!??! what?

2005-07-02T12:10:00.000+10:00

just a short post here before i nap... will add more later.

i did a trial run, just for the fun of it, on kenny sia's blog to see which singaporean blogger i resemble. i don't know about the general opinions of it, since you know, i don't stand infront of the mirror and ask myself what the hell am i like. but one line definitely is right... i make stupid words fit. new words out of old. oh wells. heres the result.

Congratulations Panda, you are...

Mr Miyagi of myveryownglob.blogspot.com

You are witty, and you know people from places. Those two qualities and others make you a very popular person among your peers, because they want to hear you dish out filthy backstage gossips. You also have a knack for inventing new words to suit yourself. You are a very loyal friend, and would jump into the ocean if your friend asked you to. And that's probably gonna happen if your friend gets too jealous of you getting all the girls/guys.

Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?

honestly.. i don't see myself growing a goatie soon, and i haven't read much of miyagi's blog to see the similarities. BUT... i am a strange person. so... yer.. whatever. :P he's a great writer in his own right, but we are 2 different people... funny though, this personality thing ahahaha...

i still prefer being orihime :X

will blog again later.. have some stuff to announce after all!

loud mornings

2005-07-01T20:46:00.000+10:00

Song I am listening to: Jun Shibata - Maboroushi
Mood: freshly awaken

aside from the fact that i have few sleeps that i awake from feeling totally refreshed, i find that the more i want and, at times, need quiet mornings, it is often broken by the sounds of crazed toddlers with parents who either don't care how loud and disruptive their children are, or can't control their kids.

granted that kids being kids, they are often beyond the ability to sit still for more than 2 minutes, but small spaces, and parents who decides to have this "joyluck club" thing in a small cafe shud just be considerate to everyone, and also be very careful of their kids.

filthy gorgeous, this cafe that i have mentioned before, is one of those beautiful, tiny upper middle class cafe, with jazz music at night, that has wonderful wonderful cooks for such an outside-of-towns cafe. even their croissant tastes wonderful, really gorgeous melt in your mouth taste. the sad part was, somewhere in the past couple of weeks that i haven't turned up for breakfast, they decided that breakfasts should only be on weekends.

i guess for the manpower that they have ( i have seen this guy worked the entire day, from opening till closing) it's only feasible to be opened later, and with less hands, lest they tire out their employees.

so anyways, typical of my tradition, where i woke up early enough to have breakfast and could actually enjoy it, i took my grand little Berlin book out, to read while i was having my little breakfast.

when i saw the kids, i believe my first judgement was, awww so cute. i mean they did look so adorable. blonde ringlets, small stature. i don't think they were brothers, just circumstances (their mothers plus other mummies seemed to be some kind of mummies' unite club sitting there, enjoying the morning out too...) brought them together as friends.

then they started terrorising the place slowly. first they took out cars from this toy box near the kitchen door of the cafe, started howling at each other with their impressions of how various vehicles should sound.

then they started threatening their food.

"you want a piece of me huh!" *chomps food*

"don't you want a piece of me!!" *chomps another bit*

"yer i know you want a piece of me!!!!!" *swallows the last bit whole*

all through this, i was reading about how the Red Army was closing in on the Third Reich, cornering them land-wards, the only escape path was by sea, in a period towards the end of world war 2, after the Vistula attack.

somehow, that seems like appropriate action talk.

anyways, as i continued reading about how Hitler refused to face up to the reality, but on the subconcious side, he knew how he was losing the war and his people, the children started activating the "aeroplanes" mode. something that i used to do as a kid too.

each grab their favourite vehicle, and started flying them around the cafe, round and round me, the counter i was behind, and the spot near their parents, making huge box planes sound. at one stage, they decided that they are enemies, and started going in different directions, trying to catch each other. this got really loud though, and since i was sitting directly beside a pillar, the sound reverbrated right into my ears, loud, and annoying.

Things took a change though, as i read through how Hitler made Himmler the Commander-in-chief of the new Vistula army, a total inept at fighting strategies. i was a little absorbed into the story at this point to really try and care about the kids, but they invited their friend, possibly their own, a black labrador outside of the cafe, right into the cafe. then they cornered him into the back of the shop, the exit leading to the toilets, going, "dog dog dog!!"

cornered animals make hasty decisions. i don't know if the dog was their own, a friend's or a friendly. the fact was, the dog might get anxious at being cornered, and might end up biting them, a tragic end indeed, to my stay at the cafe. so i started watching them carefully, to ensure they do not get bitten or anything.

they got rescued by their mums and the waitress who got worried about the dog being in the cafe.

children though, have many creative means to keep themselves occupied, however the situation. so they went back to their aeroplanes zooming all over the place, while i went back to my book on how Hitler's higher ranking staff were starting to be bitches to each other, trying to ensure their spots as the Fuhrer's next in line.

then the kids caught sight of the laptop the shop owner had left running. i started watching them again. they got bemused by the screensaver, shouting "storm!!! storm!!"

"i see fishes"

"ooo nice storm"

see if they had click the buttons, the company's whatever might be deleted and what not. luckily, one of the mum's caught them in time again.

damn motherly instincts.

but as i read on about the bitchings within the Reich, the 2 boys started soft pummeling each other. i said soft pummeling coz they were slow punches, didn't hit hard either, was one of those soft, kneading motions that kids do. when each one had decidedly made the other kiss the floor long enough, the "winning" one will shout "yes i got you!!!"

somehow, that reminded me of the SS officers.

i decided that with the noise, and action, while they goes perfectly well with the book, its a little too noisy for my comfort. noise reverbrating through my head every second is more than i can take, when i wanted a quiet spot to read. so off i went home, yellings and moanings still reverbrating through my head.

kids.

they reflect adults at their basest.

while kids are still growing up and learning, sometimes adults have no excuses other than being crudely competitive at the worst of times.

Miffed

2005-07-01T00:45:00.000+10:00

Song I am listening to : Evan and Jaron - The Distance
Mood : slightly annoyed

before i go full on into this post, i must set this record straight, about this blog, about the pictures here, about what i write.

a long time ago, i mentioned, this is my personal space. while i admit to it being public due to the fact that internet is not such a secret place, and i don't like passwording shit, there are some lines drawn here. i have allowed people to add me on gmail, led you through little blips of my life, personal or otherwise, expecting you to at least read what i wrote, not to simply jump to conclusions.

of course, there will always be oddballs that will do otherwise. i don't normally care, albeit i will still be a bit pissed, but i don't really care generally.

since my dream post a few days ago though, i have been sent emails, and a few has communicated to me, via some means, and others to my friends exactly what they think.

let me clarify something here. this is MY blog, you do not go to my friends and bitch to them as if they are at fault if they publicise my blog's link anywhere.

if you see something good, you share it with your friends, no?

i thought as friends, we all understand each other. pardon me then, if i am wrong, but since I wrote this, I hold all rights to this, not anyone else. you don't have the right to be angry with anyone else.

a few nights ago, i mentioned a dream i had, it was A DREAM. it wasn't something made up to pissed anyone off, to degrade anyone or to condescend anyone.

i don't do such things. i would pay you out as a friend infront of everyone yes, but i won't belittle you so that you had feel like shit. hell no... but i had pay you out as you would pay me out as a friend. if you don't like it, tell me, I OWN THIS BLOG, THEREFORE ONLY I CAN REMOVE IT.

secondly, it being a dream, funny at some stage, weird at another, scary on another plane, but still a dream, something my mind can't control coz i am asleep. oh, pull all your stupid psychology stories all over me, but i am afraid even when i am awake, i let my imagination run away, i don't control it because imagination is one of the most beautiful thing one can have.

if you like to be a nazi, by all means. but go bring it somewhere else.

there is nothing wrong with me writing out what my dream went. if i could, i would have recorded all my random dreams on this blog, but most times, by the time i am out of my drowsy state, i can't remember jackshit. there were talking sheeps in one, my dad dying in another, me running from guys chasing me in a piazza like place whatever that i can't run out of.

there are so many dreams i can remember bits and pieces of, others i can't, and i note it here because THIS IS MY BLOG.

you, who reads this, were mostly invited here coz I PERSONALLY LINKED YOU.

while it's not the most serious of blogs, nor intended to be so, remember to use some form of brains. if you're going to look at this blog, for any particular reason, before accussing me of anything, READ THE FUCKING POST about it.

i hope i don't have to say this again. i believe everyone is intelligent enough to understand blogs are mostly words. pictures alone sometimes don't say everything. this isn't a photoblog. you want a photoblog, there's flickr to start with. in this blog, my words means more than my pictures, and generally, my pictures holds no meanings, no alliteration, nothing. it's just there to support my words at the most.

and if anyone hurts my friends, even if you're a friend too, i will kill you. maybe not literally, i will still kill you, slowly, emotionally. because if you're stupid, and hurt someone coz of your stupidity, you quite deserve to die torturously.

again, READ MY POSTS before making judgements on the pictures.

if you want me to clear the air on that post... this was the start of that post, before i shoved in wadge's picture:

"anyways, while i was napping, i had that weird dream again.."

in no way did i mention wadge looks like a kitten.

this has nothing to do with what rosie, wadge and yvette posted in comments, but i think everyone should mull over it, sit back, take a coffee, breathe in and think. let me do the equation for you.

Weird dream.

Wade looks like a kitten.

a doesnt = b.

ok... get it?

good. we can learn to get along after all.

tonight, we went for movies with para, andoo and linxy. rosie seemed sick, and i guess, that was a fortunate thing. the movie was the shits.

i won't say its bad acting, there were lots of raw emotions put in, real dark movie, and at times, bad humour, but oh wells. it was all wasted.

i am going to do a spoiler this time around, because this is pretty much what they did the entire movie, in my opinion.

the aliens were everywhere after like the first 10 mins or more of the movie, everywhere they go, people were grabbed or blasted to death, although the blasting reminded me of cremation since the heat was so hot, the people turned to ashes on the spot.

now imagine that, and everyone running, in the entire movie, just running and running, and tom cruise managed to dodge every single one of those blasts, every time the mobs swipe at them, be it in a house, out in the open, he NEVER DIESS NEVER GETS HIT NEVER EVER ANYTHING... except when he deliberately wanted to get caught so he can find his daughter, and voila... he manages to kill the alien, who spouted blood like diarrhoea.

you know those explosives ones you get after getting food poisoning? yer... like that... kawoosh... out from the back, 25 miles from the air down to earth.

alot of things in the movie wasn't explained well, like where the mobs come from, why they wanted earth dead and how they die. takes abit of listening to, if u really wana find out. others just weren't explained at all.

and goddamn the kid screams so much i wana just throw my chair at her.

the only thing good about the movie?

the aliens looked sooo cute.. sooo cute.... sssoooooo huggable.

other than that... blah...

should have napped.

web hosting and what not...

2005-06-30T06:51:00.000+10:00

Song i am listening to : Ah Du - Wo de xin tai ruan

mood : excitable

damn stupid bou lol.... every now and then he would suddenly come to life on msn, and starts talking to me about the most random stuff.

well kinda random stuff. from the time i first met him though, we had talk about everything, well mostly me. i had be confiding in him, and occassionally he had talked to me about his then girlfriend.

then we start talking about techie stuff.

this time around, he brought up an old topic, about buying a domain and so on, and then giving it to me or something, asking me if i need it.

see from ages ago, i wanted to have a webhost for my blogs or something so i can personalise more. at that time i have no idea how to personalise my blogspot's template. all that start blog thing and what not, was too confusing for me. not that i am at all good with html, but at least i can dreamweaver it all, or so i thought.

dreamweaver had changed so much since 1999 hehe, i am totally lost in it now.

stupid bou got me thinking about getting my own webhosting again, and hosting my own blog and what not. then he showed me a list of cheapo web hosters... man... he's making me have this urge. =.=

and jake got in on it too lol... he even considered giving up girlswithswords.com then moving over to gheistelfe.com (if i set it up) and yay... we bunk in together in the same webhost and what not. which is weird, but still... lmao... i don't mind, but i am kinda broke at the moment.

for one i am looking for a job so i can not worry about dad sending me allowance, for another i need clothes more than i need webhost. i find, more and more, i am too lazy to wash more clothes :P so i tend to just wear new ones and then, voila, nice new pile of washing to be done.

oh wells.

other than that, i need to go out more. =/ which is of course what a poor uni student can't afford. oh wells.

i do want my own domain and webhost and what not, although i have not a foggiest idea how to maintain it. i do want to have my own .com just coz i wants it. it's not like i need it for anything, other than, say if mum ever gets off her butt being lazy and what not and finally decides that perhaps my idea is good, then i would probably open an online boutique for her to sell shit as well.

but that if, is a big fat if. don't hold your breath, considering mum's attitude, it's never going to happen.

oh yer, the blog's skin changed. jake finally got around to producing the skins i asked him to make coz i am so bad at photoshop (i mean look at wade's face), so this is the first of the lot. i realised i should have made most of the blog easier to change than this, coz now everytime i change a skin, the links font colours and what not have to be changed too.

as well as the damn cursor. oh wells, you guys have been used to pink anyways, you can live with it abit more until i figure out what i shall use as a cursor.

to settle things down about copyright and what not, i have to apologise somewhat about not linking back to the original artists. first and foremost, most of my anime pictures were downloaded as backgrounds from hongfire. however, i believe hongfire did a full server reset or something, while basically trying to upgrade the gallery, losing a huge part of the gallery.

obviously when i look through the galleries and what not, i fell in love with the various backgrounds. hell, i even had a folder called "cute and sweet stuff" just for them. but i never kept any of their creator's names or links, coz the titles are already long enough.

i promise to try and record them when i download any from now on that i use, but any before that is going to be a bitch to find, now with the gallery wipe.

some others are taken from devianart. as with the case with hongfire, plus the fact that some of them were taken 2 years ago and so on, this is going to be a pain in the arse to link back. if you see your artwork here but not credited, just email me. i will just add a link.

these are the 2 places that i frequent for backgrounds for my desktop, that might eventually make it to this blog as it's skin. any others comes from various blog lurking... hehe...

oh wells. if i ever ever feel the urge again i might move from blogspot for good. by that time, you would know, coz, this wannabe geek will inform you, duh. too many of my friends read this blog as an update to them. any other persons read coz, according to one feedback, i was weird. well then. you deserved to be informed.

kitty nightmares

2005-06-28T22:54:00.000+10:00

Song I am listening to : Vanessa Mae - One Moment In Time
Mood : confused

after being rudely awaken by my dad, in the wee hours of my sleep, i finally took a nap after my trip to civic and after playing the ringtone to jake on vent.

ah yes, the ringtone on my samsung e315, oh god, everyone ought to hear it.it's ssoooo cute i can't believe it lol... when i first started twiddling around the preferences and heard that ringtone, i was like "oh my god, that's ssoooo my ringtone" and died laughing :P i think most people liked it, but their reactions were mostly "omg wtf..."

Here's a sample of it, it's wav file though, poor terrorised boyfriend is sleeping so i have no one i know of who can changed that to mp3 for me. it will still open up in winamp anyways, stop whining. it's only 157kb anyways.

how cute isit? lol... sigh... i wana be able to reow like that to my own song too :(

anyways, while i was napping, i had that weird dream again. not sure if i mentioned it before, but i had a dream where me and cute little ninja kittens were trying to take over the world...

well something like that.

anyways, there i was standing in the middle of some war zone, all angelina jolie like, with all the guns and what not strapped on to me and it was all smoking somewhere behind me from some bombings, then this ninja kitty came flying out of nowhere and reported back to me..

"Ma'am! we have a retard in our custody! what do you want us to do with him?"

i was like *twitch twitch* "eh? who have you got?"

surprisingly, i wasn't shocked at a talking kitten.. oh wells. might be just coz i was dreaming...

the kitten lead me back to the "camp" which was essentially... a scratch post with tents.

it was wade... oh my god!!! poor wadge, all bounded up, with kittens sharpening their claws on the post scarily behind him, going "omg!! stop that!!!"

at that point, i think i actually laughed outside of my dream. but no matter. i asked the kitten in command what he was going to do to wade, he looked at me with a raised eyebrow "how about turning him into a ninja kitten? that butt looks good to be a kitten's.."

"i concur" says another kitten somewhere to my right.

i looked at all the kittens who obviously looked like they want that to happen too so i just nod my head.

they brought him to this canister thing, with lotsa watery boiling stuff and threw him inside. i don't quite remember what happen much during that point, that part of my memory got fuzzy...

but what i see next, oh god, it's going to terrorise me for the rest of my life.

oh yer.. that was the horror that i encountered, with his brown hair still attached, he now have a fur coat. ok, i am bad at photoshop, but go imagine the fur coat urself.

at this point, i decided to wake up... i didn't know if i should laugh or be mortified, my love of the kittens have kinda left a bad taste in my mouth when i saw wadge as a kitten..

not everyone is meant to be kittenized...

so here i sit now, all weirded out from my dreams, needing some warmth and some kind of normality here. someone save me!!!!!!

stupid business man

2005-06-28T17:18:00.000+10:00

Song I am listening to: Enya - Only Time (Terror Remix)
Mood: moderately pissed

went back to crazy john's today, after i gave a call and asked if they had the code already, which they said they did. it turned out that he got the wrong code. it resets the phone basically but not unlock it. which is kinda gh3y. i mean, couldnt he have confirmed it before making me go all the way down? i know it's free and all and they don't earn anything from it...

blah. i just want to use my phone :( stupid t mobile. stupid samsung.

i have been reading forums on how to unlock it, and have a basically a good idea of how to do it. however, my cable doesn't seem to be working with the phone, which is making me more pissed. it shows offline on the program for my pc.

gay.

then upon trying to grab a cab, since my old hip injury flared up and i was kinda in pain, this retarded guy in all his business suit and suitcase glory, who was behind me in the queue, saw a grab, and WALKED UP TO IT AND FLAGGED IT RIGHT INFRONT OF ME AND HOPPED IN!

WHAT A FAG! WHAT A RETARDED MORONNN... WHO THE HELLL STEALS A CAB AT A TAXI RANK!?!?! RETARDED RICH MOFO BUSINESSMAN BULLSHIT, GO DRIVE A DAMN CAR FOR FUCKS SAKE FUUCCCKKK...

i hate businessmen now.

idiots.

goddamn hip still hurts :(

wi-fi delight and phones fetish

2005-06-27T17:29:00.000+10:00

Music i am listening to : some jazzy stuff
mood : warm

obviously with this damn font and all, i am away on a wi-fi spot again, on my laptop.

its just simply delicious to sit some place else that isnt my home, warm as this, with some cosy music to listen too, and something warm to drink.

it is after all, winter. cold, but not uncomfortably so, it being australia and what not. and this, being starbucks, means a great drink, and a damn nice spot to sit in.

for the past week or so, i waited anxiously for my new phone to arrive. one of my anxieties were mainly that my phone mioght be lost, damaged or i might have to pay taxes for it, after all it is a product bought outside of australia and being mailed in.

i dont know why it took longer than usual, but the damn beautiful thing finally arrived today, prettier than i expected, better than i hope. it will take a while to get used to, this being the first time i deviate from the usual nokia path. but it's not totally hard. i played with it for the little time i could, since i didnt have an international plug earlier on. the sms seems abit queer, space is # key, 0 is a smart keypad short cut and i cant remember what asterisk is.

and it has a camera! i am kinda excited since i opted for no camera phone ages ago since it always was expensive. it has since became cheaper tho. this phone is the same price, if not cheaper than, my nokia 6100.

then again, considering how backwards and expensive mobile phones are in australia, that maybe a reason why.

the camera on the phone seems to have digital zoom. i didnt quite read all the details on the website before, so when i saw the video cam function i was kinda O.o shock.

i do still want that 3g sony ericsson phone at some stage, since it has video conferencing function. but right now, i am so in love with this phone, i am over the moon. oh i know, i have a phone fetish, about as bad as my bag fetish, and shoe fetish. but its how i like my stuff anyways. besides, there's not point having a 3g phone when just about everybody dont have it and isnt able to video conference with me.

and the fact that its more than likely to increase my phone bills.

of course, if i am still studying here or far away from dad by the time he somehow gets video conferencing phones, he might go stupid and require me to get one too once he realises he can see me AND talk to me... sounds scary.

when the phone arrived though, i almost cried. after the long delay and wait, i found the damn phone was network locked to the evil T-Mobile. i didnt know then if the local shops had be able to unlock it, and lotsa solutions online seems cheap but takes a while, since i have to wait for cables to be bought online and what not.

that means another goddamn week in this already like, 2 months wait or something.

yer t mobile sucks like that.

so i had my bed time (yes, i sleep at retarded hours, aka, 10am) then woke up to dad's annoying incessant calls which of course resulted in a grouchy me.

went down to the shops and showed my phone to the crazy john phone guys at civic. they FELL IN LOVE WITH MY PHONE!!! MUAHAHAHA....

so when i told them my problems and what not, they didnt mind unlocking my phone for me, but t mobile would ask a price, probably 10-20 bux, so i would have to pay them for that. otherwise it's freeeeeee.... yay...

power to the people...

so somewhere this time tomorrow, i am going to have a functioning phone that has camera abilities and what not, and goddamn fully charged, and pretty. weee

i am insane....

oh and for people who play games, i don't know if u guys know whats leroy jenkins... it's this player from wow, who did something stupid and killed his entire party. well, basically just ran around and pick up what seemed like aggros. stu said those mobs were easy and the guy didnt have to touch all those mobs, but whatever, it was still goddamn funny.

last night, i hopped on jake's account while he hopped on mine, so he's the healer and me, the evasion tank... and then i did a leroy, lmao... i did warn him and adam though what i was about to do... but jake being un-used to actually being a healer, got me killed.. but still was hell funny, it being the most fun i had since a long time.

at the beginning when i first started grouping up, i used to dare vc to train ourselves. like 4 pink mobs, 3 red mobs or something. that was way before i even bothered to buy normal scrolls of escape. so i died often, but was hell fun.

last night's venture beats all that though. was like 3 spiteful soul group mobs, a few doom knights here and there, i guess totalling about 30-40 mobs. jake healed me before i actually do much damage to all the mobs, and some arent even properly attached to me, didnt notice much about his hp (YES I SAW UUU HEALINNGGG MEEE I DID! WHILE UR HP GOES ---------) and voila, he died.

they came back though, and rezzed me, and we went on at it again, this time with a proper functioning prophet, helped healing and yay.... we killed them all. but damn, it was fun. we had no aoe person in the party so it was hilarious. with laura tho, it suddenly seemed so much easier, plus the fact that me and jake switched back, since u know, he sucks as any character in game :P

funnnn

i wants more!!!

Batman begins, then again

2005-06-25T04:32:00.000+10:00

Song I'm listening to: F.I.R Wo men de ai
Mood: sleepy

aha, i totally zonked out for the last few hours, and now i am semi awake, semi unconscious, still spacing out every now and then.

i basically managed to get my room all cleaned up by 11am, but linxy went off to bed at about 5 am or so, coz i think leah woke up and he decided to sleep with her to lessen the noise and so she isnt lonely since she might be going home soonish. before he went to bed though, he started unpacking his speakers and what not, resulting in a bigger mess in the living room than before he started packing.

we were supposed to go watch movie at 2.30pm though, but i didnt know the full details or didnt really heard him the first time around, so basically went to bed after cleaning up, setting alarm to go off at 2.30 itself.

what amazed me though, was how inconsiderate linxy was. he decided that he would clean up before going, so that the landlady would turn up and see a clean home. i know he got up at about 11 or so, but i dont quite know why he didnt tell andoo and rosie we might not make it on time earlier.

by the time i got woken up by rose, they were already half way to woden, basically just checking where we were. all he did was said "crap" to me when he found out, but didn't suggest anything else, so rosie told me to tell him to get ready for the 3.30 session instead.

at the end of it though, the landlady did kinda told us we dont have to clean and stuff, if anything, the last time the evaluators came over, they just head to the balconny for a chit chat session.

from the looks of it, this time around, it didnt seemed like they even came in. she didnt pick up the mail that i left for her.

then we had batman movie. it wasn't bad at all, and i love alfred's sense of dry humour. if i ever get a butler, i definitely want him. well not him, just someone like him.

i also like how katie holmes looked when she was all passed out on a table. so hot.

somehow tho, the guy who plays batman, his face seems weird, abit off. like a botox job. i have seen him before tho, and i know its his natural face, its just how it seems so... hard. like a mask.

overall, the movie was great, nice action, fighting stuff, and what not. my only grudge was that it was slightly longwinded. then again it might have been just character development.

i know they kinda killed off the guy who was supposed to be the joker, and made it someone else instead, but since i am not like a huge fan or something, it's not something that bugs me. it is after all, a movie adaptation. there's only so much u can fit into a 2 hour movie and still hold attention.

we picked up stu for dinner after that, and bundled off to queanbeyan for dinner at central cafe, but it was pretty full and we were fucking hungry, so we went off to rendevous, which was nearby and bigger. the contrast was huge. it was almost empty. its not like the food is worse off than central, infact they were similar, but i dont get why central was in queuing status and rendevous was almost empty.

we had our fun though, and the waitresses were uber friendly, they had sing and dance to their radio while we just laugh at them and they had chat us up and so on.

tho i reckon it's probably coz they like stu and his "afro". they brought us a total of 3 servings of after meal mints, each forgetting that the earlier had given us some, and at the 2nd serving we were told to hide the evidence!

so we shoved it into stu's afro. lmao... he looked so pretty... all gold wrappers and whatnot... rosie and i couldn't stop laughing ahaha... so cute.

altho i admit, one of the ladies was right, stu's so big and hairy, u just either want to give him a hug coz he looks like a bear, or u had want to pluck out all that arm hair.

or wax him.

i swear he had kill me if i try. lol...

mmm ok... i will try and sleep again...

About women and wars

2005-06-24T02:55:00.000+10:00

Song i'm listening to: Sun Yanzi - Wo De Tian Kong
Mood: lazy
Webpage i am reading: BBC News

Ok i am a nerd, i happen to like to read and the sad part is, i am actually just trying to procrastinate my cleaning of the room. i have resorted to reading news, my texts, my reading bricks, but good lord, every time i finish like one page, one chapter, one paragraph, i just couldnt bring myself to move more than one article in my room.

see, the landlord is coming in tomorrow to get some bank to refinance her apartment and they wanted to have a look around. but since neither me and linxy has effectively moved in (read: unpack all our shit), we aren't exactly in any state to let her allow the viewings. of course i can pack it up nicely in like 2 hours, but i am not very motivated to do so at this very moment.

one thing that caught my eye while reading though, has got to be women's status in the world, in peace time and at war.

from the woman who secretly got herself ordained as a priest, while under roman catholic laws, to the young woman who divorced her husband while being a child bride, to those little girls who were raped because they were the minority in burma, the abuses on women.

i don't quite know what to make of this. i thought we live in a modern world, regardless of the various situations we might be in. the bigger, more powerful states promise to protect the weak. but it seems, women will always be the last of the people to be protected.

although it's through we have come a long way since time untold, why are women still viewed as the primary home makers then, why are women viewed as the ones who should drop their jobs so that they can look after their children and depend on their men?

i know i am probably generalising too much, perhaps hoping too much as well, but child bride, arranged forms of marriage are still happening the world over. while it is technically illegal in some countries, it's not like the countries are actively enforcing the laws as much as they could to prevent such marriages from happening.

understandably though, it could be because the country is big, but what about the local policemen? why aren't they doing anything?

many things are happening, and authorities that could do anything about them are closing one eye to them, because they don't want the country to look bad, they don't want to interfere with traditions and what not.

in these modern times though, traditions are the very things holding us back in moving forth to being a truly modern society. maybe they don't want to be modern, maybe modernising the society is bad, because it can lead to other things. Then the vows of social equality and whatever other things in their speeches are just a pack of lies.

women are being undermined in their daily lives, in what's expected of them. it's ok for men to womanise, it's socially crippling if a woman is found in bed with another man that's not her husband or boyfriend.

it's ok for a man to be priest, because none of jesus's disciples are women. but nowhere in the bible was it mentioned that he didn't love his women followers as much, if not more or less. i am not talking about the controversial mary magdalene book, but i am talking about the actual bible. he acknowledge all of his followers as much as his 12 disciples.

and while eve was the first one to help commit the original sin, let's not forget that judiah was also the man to betray jesus.

that saying, since judiah betrayed jesus, are we sure we want possible descendants, relatives of that traitor on the altar?

fuck no. well not me anyways. who knows what they would do to sell out the church right?

but men has been at the altar for the last 2000 years and abit, while women have been at the back, silently supporting them, teaching them, studying with them, along their path to priest hood.

the bitches for the dogs.

so why no women priests? coz we might prove to be better? or are we still viewed as THE original sin?

i am not angry at the church, i am angry at the men who believes women as the cause and effect of everything, as the one to carry the responsibilities, as the one to bash up when things go wrong.

i am angry at the people who could do something about the women being abused, being neglected, being pushed around, and who does nothing because "it's none of our business what goes on behind closed doors, or out where we can't see".

as long as it happens on home grounds, as long as it happens within the same globe, under the same sun, the same sky, then it is your business, it is our business, because the next person that could be raped, could be punched, could be rejected by the society, could be you, your wife or your daughter.

because we are human too.

because your mum carried you around on her for 9 months or so, therefore she and those after her are worth it.

because if you are a woman, you wouldn't want all those ideologies enforced on you either.

because if you are a woman, the day you lost your husband and have to find work all over again to support your kids, you might wish you have a penis instead right from the start.

because if you are a woman, you don't want to feel unwanted.

because most of us as women, are proud that we are women.

mr and mrs smith

2005-06-23T01:01:00.000+10:00

Song I'm listening to: Guang Liang - Tong Hua
Mood : punchy..

just done with movie with wadge and linxy. we watched, yep, mr and mrs smith, and damn, angelina jolie has got great boobs and ass. makes me want to punch them to test out if they are real or not.

no i'm not jealous, just admiring them.

it was a great movie, fast paced and well done. although the trailer pretty much let people know what happened in terms of, how they found out they were each other's enemy and so on. that wasn't the twister though.

through out the movie, i like the oomph they gave girls, like how women can be emotional but can be highly organised (read: anal) yet get the job done as well as, if not better than, guys can.

an all done with finesse.

ooer.

and honestly, while it's a fast paced movie with lotsa fighting and shooting action, i find myself unsure as to hide behind wade's jacket or to laugh out loud. it was a cross between funny, scary and at times, really sad that i wana cry. ok, so i am a sod, does it really matter here.

what really interest me in this movie is how they totally redefined the entire meaning of violent sex.

oh yes, violent sex. some people like to call it rough sex, at times, sadomasochism.

this is... raw.. uncut... undescribable.

trying to kill each other before sex, punching, kicking, kicking of the testicles, broken glasses on the floor, its like WOW. they had sex all over these broken shit, doesn't it hurt?

then again, it might be more erotic. i'm all for wild sex.

this is more rauncheous than my wildest imagination though. really.

man. makes me wana watch it all over again.

mean while, to vent the hyperactivity that derived from watching people punch each other out, i took it out on wade, i think i broke his arse.

and he will be on flight for 24 hours to london tomorrow. oh wells. poor thing. he can just sit on a broken arse. and some broken arms. ooo man. i wana punch someone again.

random people

2005-06-22T20:40:00.000+10:00

some people think i am random, with the stuff i say and the things i do.

hell, i have even been voted miss random on my schools gaming forums, for the exact same reasons. the poll started mainly because of a newbie poster who just decided to label herself postal's miss random anyways, without knowing much about the rest of us.

not that it matters much. i am not so crazy if u get right down to it.

but anyways, i discovered my random ness is probably due to my... asian heritage. here's the evidence.

i think the picture pretty much speaks for itself. picture taken from the lineage2 korean site, the forums section.

then again, people might call it a gamers' syndrome. i don't think most gamers i know would be able to come up with something like that though.

stories

2005-06-21T19:27:00.000+10:00

a long time ago i would write short stories, or series at times when i feel like it, and wanted so much to be a writer, because it was fun and was a form of escapism.

my secret to writing it well, as teachers used to say they were, were also the fact that they were my form of leaving where i was sitting to wherever and whatever i was writing. at times i had write so much and write so fast, that i had be panting and in pain at the same time, because i didn't have a pc. or well, i had a pc, but it died pretty fast.

in the process of writing, the story itself developes in my mind, like a movie that was unseen and i just let it flow from mind to paper. it seemed like the most natural thing to do and to allow to happen. for stories to tell me what they are, for characters to tell me their names.

when i am done with them, i wouldn't and couldn't correct my errors. there had be spelling errors or grammatical errors, basically from writing too fast and from having shaky hands. i just feel like, if i correct the tiniest error, i had tweak the story at times, and by the time i am done with corrections, the story is often no longer the same. and at times, because of the teachers' corrections, this is pretty often the case. they like to suggest stuff into certain paragraphs sometimes, which obviously was never part of the movies.

and me being the dictator of the story would refuse to hand in the corrections.

and i often get punished for "not doing her homework".

when exams came along, classmates had sometimes turn to me for help. i could mostly not hold a proper argumentative essay well, but a fictitious one was fairly easy for me so my classmates had come and asked me for advice and such.

i tried to explain about the movie thing and so on, but no one could get the idea easy, and even if they do, they still get penalised for bad english which also results in similar marks anyways. considering how most of them who asked for help refused to speak even proper english at school or something, i wasn't surprised.

i am not trying to be snobby, i don't have perfect english either. i just feel that attempting to hold proper conversations or have some proper form of english around you at times, rather than just 30 mins- 1 hour of the day would probably help better.

fast forward a couple of years, i started teaching tuition. few students i get actually cared about the tuitioning. they just complied with it coz their parents wanted it for them. i managed to bond with two of them at most, because we just clicked. they too, were just fulfiling parents' orders. the difference was, because we clicked well, we managed to do better and actually fulfil their parents' orders because we clicked and didn't try to rub each other sideways.

both kids were.. saggitarius (maybe that meant something) and one of them i still keep in touch. the other one, she moved and i changed my numbers right at that point in time where she was suppose to tell me where she moved to. so everything just fell out of place.

funny thing is, how we all grow up, and watching both kids grew, i kinda feel proud of them like they are my own kids. both's comprehension of english got better coz i was a part of it. they had problems with their new tutors (since i got here to study) and they had write to me about it.

i miss them, and at some point in time i guess i would go visit them when i get a chance to go back.

for viv, who just graduated from primary school and did fairly well in her first semester in secondary school, congratulations my dear... let nothing hold you back nor pull you down. :)

Song I am listening to: Whitney Houston - My Love is Your Love

Mood: Reminiscent...

stupid cakes

2005-06-20T13:20:00.000+10:00

Song i am listening to: Akon - Lonely
Mood: grumpy

i planned to wake up like, 1 hour after i have slept, in the end i found myself snorting so hard in the middle of sleep that i actually woke myself up. how retarded.

rummaging through some pictures while trying to wake, i found that i suddenly have an urge for cakes. i know, it sounds dumb to get the urge while looking at pictures. but i havent quite ate cakes for a year or more now... wait, probably more. my family isn't into celebrations of any sort either, so we don't have birthday cakes for any occassions.

parents are those chines-y people who thinks if we are to celebrate we gotta go through the entire tradition and what not, which obviously does not involve any cakes either. just noodles and being locked up in your room.

then again, my parents have long forgotten how old i am. my mum says i am 27, my dad says i am 20.

anyways, so i dressed up, coat and all, happily went out into the morning cold.

to find a stupid shop all closed up with the cakes well on display.

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....

to be honest, i started pawing at the glass, staring at it, and stomping around.

i guess i could have gone to civic and gotten some cakes and what not. but it's retarded. the boards were up promoting this evening's deal, and it usually is open at this time of the day. so why isnt it opened now!?!?!?

after creating quite a scene, i checked out the supermart but NOOOOOO none of them have anything interesting there.

why aren't shops opened when i need them? infact why isnt anything there or easy to find when i needed it but rains on me when i don't?! it's like this huge conspiracy against me!

first it was all the stuff ingame. then, its all the damn stuff in real life. damn cakes.

good news is, my new phone is finally arriving. stupid t mobile. i be awaiting it on thursday, unless something screws up, and customs decide that i should pay gst for a pretty phone.

GEEZ.

no pictures yet till then.

oh well if u want, jake took a piccy of it to show me what my phone looked like when he got it.

not like it helps the wait any better. it's a samsung e315, not a spectacular model, just that i love anna sui, her designs, and purple in general. yes, my first love was never pink, it was infact the most hated colour i had for a while.

before that, my favourite colour was purple, various shades of it infact. i still love it, especially lilac. somehow, the colour doesn't like me so i have stopped wearing it now.

when i was about 10-14 or so, i turned goth for some reason, and basically insisted to the world i was a vampire. parents obviously didn't help, THEY insisted i was a vampire to me too. i started a large collection of fangs and black and white clothes with blood hints on it. my mum's a tailor/seamstress, so before i turned 14 or so, most of my clothes were made by her.

you can guess what happened.

i requested a wardrobe of goth clothes, from vapid looking ones that was like a rip off from some mad anime (well i didn't really know much animes then or the difference, so it's like a cross between a vampiric looking sailormoon and some marvel comics character).

ok that wasn't part of what i intend to say. but yes, the phone should be reaching australia this week, it's purple, it's black and it's pretty. and it's a camera phone my first !! so happy. dad got a new phone for himself last year when his got stolen. and it had a camera in it, as part of a certain loss plan by m1, his service provider. which meant he could get phones cheap. well certain ones anyways.

my mom got all excited. when he called me first after he got his new phone, mom snatched the phone and started screaming "it's a camera phone!! it's a camera phone!!!" i just stared at the wall then asked "what's so surprising about that?"

silence...

anyways, yay... my anime downloaded... well tsubasa chronicles anyways. still waiting for bleach to be translated. in the mean time i tried this quiz... with the bleach anime in mind basically trying to figure out which of the 10 or something main characters i resemble the most.

Take The quiz yourself

eh, i am not pretty, beautiful on the outside, but this girl has damn big boobs. i need plastic surgery...

EDIT: well um.. guess what bf got for his part of the quiz?

Take The quiz yourself

on nudity and blogs

2005-06-19T02:53:00.000+10:00

was reading around and realised plenty of issues about a particular blogger and her choice of putting her nude photos on her own blog.

many people have comments about it, and singapore being singapore, there was as much negative comments about it as there were nonchalent ones.

to set the record straight, i don't view her blog much, not a big fan, but not like a hater or anything. my point of view on that whole issue is that, the blog is on the net, if it's not hers, it would be somebody else. everyone willingly accepts porn on the net, but such personal nude pictures on her own blog could only be viewed as an artistic portrayal of herself, especially in the context that it was taken in, the article that it was posted in and so on.

there's nothing wrong with artistically taken pictures, and even if it was a sexually suggesting one, there shouldn't be too much of a controversy on it. how many of us has chanced upon porn, or deliberately viewed porn webpages and didn't think twice about it? not many of us can be innocent on that.

just because someone decided to put her own nudity up on a public area, does not mean she's any more or less moral than us, or that her parents did nothing in nurturing her.

everyone has a sex life too.

2 thousand years ago, it was perfectly fine to have sex, to be married and so on.

what makes it so different 2000 years later?

many people might point out, 2000 years ago, our lives were nomadic, barbaric, with few civilisations, and can't be compared to today.

however, 2000 years from then, most of what have changed is the exterior, the facade we put up for everyone. once in bed, everyone's an animal. what, you're going to say "excuse me please" while before you cum?

better yet.

"please don't look" when ur stripping while having sex? or "please don't touch"?

that would sound hilarious but if that's what comes out of "civilisation", geez, sex must be a very boring thing.

then again, considering how loud some people can be in bed, i foresee other scenarios. to be a considerate neighbour, they would stifle their moaning and groaning while having sex.

all these are part of a normal sex life. there didn't seem to be any changes in that while the rest of our lives got civilised.

now back to the girl who posted her nude picture on her blog, 2000 years ago, people might have said more like "that was a nicely done picture". we, their descendants, who are "civilised" should probably head towards "i wonder what camera/lightings and such were used" than "her parents taught her shit"

we choose our own paths in life, not our parents, not the people who judge us, but us. so, even if ur shy about your body, and jealous that other people have the ability to post something up about themselves, don't let it get to you. and don't judge others.

cause the day u show ur hairy butt to the rest of the world, we might not take it lightly.

and i don't understand the media very well. why's it that so many people have nude picts all over, and yet when ONE singaporean post her nude pict on her blog it's such a hoo ha? surely as journalists, and the fact that singapore is also well hooked to the internet than even, say, rural australia, they should have seen some form of artistic imagery. and yet there's so much fuss over ONE blog.

geez. ran out of news topics?

resting

2005-06-18T22:23:00.000+10:00

been a nice 2 days worth of sleep. that's how tired i am. from being sick, and from having all those damn showers.

finally had my first warm bath and then i went out again, hunting for free wi fi spots and ended up back at the first one that i know of anyways. it's getting colder here, and a little drizzy at times. i almost froze to death that night, but i happily ate up all that creamy potato croquette :D

for now i have nothing much to update, because nothing much is happening. it's nice to walk around, eat out and stuff, instead of feeding on microwaved food or what i could cook.

it's great to be just sleeping around room though >.> as long as i didnt just passed out on my clothes in the walk in wardrobe...

quitting the tards

2005-06-16T20:44:00.000+10:00

i finally lost it.

after many attempts to login at the time they want me to login, not getting parties, not being able to lvl yet expected to die for them while they are not prepared to listen and be perfectly capable of any teamwork whatsoever, i left ds, at least for now.

it's not good news, nor a great relief. after one home, i left for another "home" and i was happy, if even for a while. but things catch up. i can't stand how nobody listens in the sub, and everyone mostly parties with their clique. i know you can't avoid cliques but at least, if you want me to be any higher level, surely i must stop delevelling and start levelling.

what was most memorable was how i died in a siege, and no one cared to re level me back like they promise-- because they were using my account and not me.

oh i could start parties, but how many people would whine, how many people would want prophet buffs?

at this point, i don't know if i want to play anymore anyways. a healer without a clan is hard to level, but i dont feel like being clanned any time soon, since i dont want to be near retards.

i guess it's time for either a full reroll or just go back to playing cs, after all, i can be with retards on cs, but i dont have to be a part of them that would piss me off.

another thing, in games, i realise there are very few girls playing, the gospel according to men with small dicks. last night was the most appalling night in terms of behaviour. someone realise ooo so and so is a girl ( some newbie i don't know) and shout chat suddenly became all alive and full of horny guys.

guys.

keep your dicks in.

just coz your wildest fantasy doesn't play games, doesn't mean that girls don't play games.

and girls play games way better than guys, as far as i am concern, although we all pms every few days or so.

at any rate, the good news is, my hot water is finally back up, after i almost froze in my bathtub last night and had to boil water... AND

my glasses arrived...

while i still look nerdy as ever, i'm not all that blind.

something seems wrong with the glasses though, like wrong degree or summat....n so i am fairly disoriented at times. oh wells. i am still sick, maybe that's it.

i KNOW all this is in hard to see pink, too bad, GET OVER IT... muahahaha

waking up

2005-06-15T12:34:00.000+10:00

tissue paper

crumpled bags

clothes strewn over the floor, spread by time and space.

uncleaned dishes

more personal items.

sounds like a crime scene.

no it's my damn room which has gone to hell ever since i got sick coz i was just too sickly to bother cleaning up. now i wake up, look at it all and go, what the hell.

i curl up in my bed for more warmth as i find air to breathe.

i hate being sick, makes me feel so vulnerable. makes me feel so unclean.

my only comfort is, that my stuff are so little it's easy to clean up without worrying about too much time effort and dust and dirt. although i know i would worry about them anyways, and set about vacuuming it up.

and i have grown so disinterested in everything around me, l2 included. i don't know what i am doing. stupid sickness. but l2 wise, i guess it's not my being sick that's at fault.

since a while back i have started picking on who i should party with to lvl and what not, and one by one these people are quitting or not logging on as much anymore. i guess that's the sad part about being a healer where one must always find someone to party with to lvl efficiently... i am not all that adaptable at times, especially when i know that putting myself in other parties might result in me being frustrated coz other people might be stupid and so on.

i have started a new character but i do not know if i would reroll. all my past friends are dwindling and at some stage all would be gone. the only reason i played this game so much was coz of the people, they made it fun, i made it fun. now playing alone, is going to be so... not awesome.

school wise, i kinda don't know what to do coz suddenly, seems like i won't be working for the job that i desire.

oh wells. time will tell, time will tell.

meanwhile, i feel like attacking some stupid plumber... so that my filters and all will be fixed.

and dad just called, asking for english services (aka, how do you spell this!!! help me write a damn letter!!! but all in english!!!) and then laughed at my coughing, telling me that i shouldn't have visited antique... -.-

and would a certain boyfriend come over and clean my room? kkthx.

(boyfriends are part-time maids)

24

2005-06-14T19:23:00.000+10:00

just done with 24, the entire first season.

since i started being sick the night before, i finally got myself started on the first disk proper and got hooked. Like most series that draws viewers to watch it, this has it's own elements to keep their viewers interested and so on, and one of which is this method of "who's dunnit" issue, and also how it's spread over 24 hours, each episode an hour of that eventful day.

people might ask, "why weren't you playing l2 instead like you usually do?" truth is, i had to sleep every few minutes, my head was exploding in every single direction every now and then, i didn't even felt like moving out of my bed, much less play in an ever moving environment.

so sit in the bed, i must, with laptop on my lap just watching every single episode in bed, occassionally recharging the poor thing so that it can survive the next 6 hours and so on.

back to 24, it was a good show, lotsa twists and turns that you wouldn't expect, unless you were like me, read reviews, read the pamphlet and what not such that all is known to me. hehe. well, to be honest, i am a wuss when it comes to ripping flesh. that's right, i can withstand blood, i can withstand bombs and so on, but even the very sound of flesh ripping apart makes me cringe and wince and that's why the bed was the perfect place.

i used the blanket to cover my eyes.

so having the reviews around me was to prepare for what's coming up, and of course, to know what happened next.

i am kind of an impatient person, usually wanting something wrapped up within an episode or so, if not maximum 4 episodes. so with something like this spread over 24 episodes, it drove me mad, albeit it had lotsa interesting storyline, character development and drama drama drama. i did enjoy it though, don't get me wrong, i just wanted it to end sooner so i had know who to dislike!

admittedly though, when one of the characters convulsed due to grief, i actually cried, more than felt awww move on already. that was how much the characters got to me, and how much i could relate to them.

but this show started alot of thinking on my part. i don't like to learn things, but i like to know things, i like to research and find out more about them, rather than have someone feed them to me. like a hands-on thing, don't know if any of you understand what i mean.

if you check on to the 24 website and run thru jamey farrell's profile on character profile, that's pretty much what i had probably end up doing, professional hacker, if i had the patience and ability too. sad to say, i hate maths, and i hate all that mathematical "logic" behind all the computing bs, so no, i won't be hacking into your computer any time soon to see what kind of porn you like.

just pure data collecting though, that's so... intriguing. to know more about something, someone, some place, some... something. knowledge isn't power, but it's really beautiful. maybe i am just weird you know... just really weird like my friends say i am.

in the mean time, i am still just a silly, stupid university student, half sick to death and wanting to get well. oh i am slightly better today, other than the 5 min hacking i did into a phone call while i was checking on our pipes filtering. i just want to stop sounding like a hussy. i am sure i sound and act better than the real life show that hilton put up.

i had a glance at it yesterday and i was like, omg.... ffs, they had the worst memory, worst attitude and worst brains. i am not saying i am so much smarter, but geez, can you get any more bimbotic than that?

although linxy suggests that they seem more intelligent than that, that everything was just a cover-up for more popularity and attention, admittedly though, if one can think something up that's so bimbotic, surely, just surely, there must be some drop of truth to it all!

oh wells. they can afford to be bimbotic. just hope the next generation of theirs isn't close to being like that or worse *shudders*

mad boyfriends

2005-06-13T19:23:00.000+10:00

you know how boyfriends would try and cheer u up when ur sick and miserable and just a great piece of work....

welcome to my boyfriend's version of all that...

it's so mad ain't it!??!

sick person's boredom

2005-06-12T21:40:00.000+10:00

being sick is one of the most tiring thing on earth. i don't want to do anything that would actually require some effort coming out from my brains.

that said, i actually thought of what to eat today, and what to do since i really don't feel up to it to play lineage today, go out, watch mr and mrs smith by myself as i secretly planned yesterday, and so on.

i wanted a good time out for myself today after siege and pvp practice, but as it turned out i was too sick to do anything, was sniffling in bed till 3pm. it's not a bad thing to lie in bed, but when you're feeling miserable and all sore and raw in the throat and sniffling... you'll be dying to get out of the bed and actually walk out to breath some fresh air.

except that you won't feel up to it.

and that's how bad i feel right now, with my throat raw as hell and the tap of a nose refusing to shut down properly.

i started reading news online, looking at different award winning blogs, admiring their writings and designs. i read some other political stuff that is related to my course for the second semester, but a half dead me just wanted bed again, although i really don't want to get in there.

the right side of my head feel warm, while the left side seems numb and starting to throb. somehow that reminds me of a penis, but i really shouldn't start imagining my head as a penis... it's pretty disturbing especially because i know i have far more intelligence than that.

amidst all these readings, and behaving like an ass on myspace, i started thinking again what to work as when i eventually do graduate. i do want to do at least honours, then masters or something. but in the mean time, i think my parents are no longer financially capable enough to see me through all that.

however, i don't feel like working in singapore. Don't ask me why, i just don't feel like it.

i have always kept to it that i never felt right at home in singapore. now having studied here for the past 2.5 years, it's even more painfully obvious about that. these past couple of months, i have been reading blogs on people returning back home to singapore after graduating from here, reading how they assimilate themselves back into the society seamlessly.

i dread reading them, but i still do. i dread thinking about going back, but i have to. i don't hate singapore, and a part of me will always be singaporean. but like i said, i don't feel like i am a whole part of it. i always felt like something odd that somehow ended up there by chance.

so what now? i am not exactly australian, i am no where. sigh.

being citizenless might be good. i shall go underwater and say hi to the fishes.. they seem to belong nowhere, despite countries claiming territories over different sections of the oceans and what not, i am sure fishes and what-nots at least wouldn't be able to tell the differences between the different slangs.

much less speak it.

so once i get better, i am going to hop over to sydney, probably hop off the harbour and go talk to the fishes. despite whatever scientists may say, i am sure they have far more intelligence than humans would admit to. i mean, we are always in denial anyways.

i am sure fishes would agree with me. i will tell you what those fishes say later on, when i do talk to them. meanwhile, let's wait for me to recover and stop feeling like a muck.

Feeling sick~

2005-06-12T16:52:00.000+10:00

it's been a while since i posted, mainly coz i was busy gaming, trying to solve my headset issues and then more gaming, eating out and so on.

i guess this accumulated to me being sick. i am having a damn sore throat now, and my nose won't stop dripping like some broken tap. the sore throat came from the dripping nose, so i am basically coughing up fluids and feeling all shit, right off the cuff.

then again, i was at sydney, this place that often gives me this stupid sickness anyways. stupid dusty, polluted places.

on another note, greg has made a "myspace" thing for himself, one of those new sites up that tries to combine everything together into one place, like msn space or something. the thing about such free places is that you can't customise as much as you could like on blogger. or you could, but the basic layout still have to adhere to theirs. and most of the time, it can get pretty messy.

greg is just a kid though so don't mind his stuff lol. it's funny when u read it at this age, sometimes cute, but he's really just 16 or something, not the big ol' 19 that he wants to be.

back on myspace though, i kinda like the way i could add in my moods, what i am listening to and so on. stuff that wordpress and typepad does allow. one costs money though, and the other requires space that i don't have on the shared ftp i have with jakie, my cutie. but i don't really want to move from blogger, nor pay for those stuff anyways, it's just a damn blog where i pour out stuff on.

i did create an account though just to read some blogs while i am sniffing away at the pc, and i even started a myspace blog just to see how their templates and all that work, and this is the result lol, it's so pink and blinding!! but better than my first run at it, where everything was just bright pastels till u can't see shet.

also, me and jake finally got our pink blogskin done up with html and so on.

we put it up on blogskins just for the fun of it to see what's the reaction of people's and so on. sadly, i am an idiot, i still don't know how to upload skins and so on, so somehow for some reason, it won't show up on the preview so i actually had to make another test blog so that it would show up. i put up such a lengthy description of it though i am not sure everyone actually read it. it had a total of like, 9 downloads as of last night, 2 from me though coz i was checking if the codes show up despite the broken preview.

then i went on this wi-fi hunt around canberra. i know there are lists everywhere, but i can't seem to find lists that shows free wi-fi spots. so far, those that i have found from various lists requires some payment. and australia being australia, it's pretty much an exhorbitant amount. 22cts per kb dl.

the one that i found by chance though, was totally free. i am not going to list it here, as it might start charging fees then. email me if you want to know where. i am not saying i want to be a free loader and what not, but you know, most of the times, if people do use the wireless there it isn't for more than a couple of hours, and that's inclusive of whatever we do in those places. i just don't think it's right to charge for minute usage, on top of the profits that they are already earning from us for the various services we might be spending in the aforesaid place.

sigh to sick to play, or eat. i shud just eat though, coz otherwise when i get un-sick i am going to be this ravenous monster...

meanwhile, if anyone knows of a program or something that i can make blogger have all those emotes, the mood thing, music and stuff, do tell it's nice to personalise my own diary abit more...

bad headset

2005-06-09T16:24:00.000+10:00

if ur blinded by this post, it aint my fault. i am sitting under the table to try and get my broken headset to work and it seems my mic wud no longer work. according to my dear pc, and mac, it seems the mic section of my headset conveniently decided to disappear of the radar of my pc settings.

but refusing to believe that i shoved my ibook under the table and plugged everything in coz that's where all the wires are.

sadly tho, it seems to be completely dead, so no more singing of elmo songs to terrorise the cs community, no more laughing like a hyena on ds vent, no more rubber ducky and i'm lonely to cg vent...

and no more abusing of tess verbally. how sad.

then i hopped on blogger just to try and vent abit to find that oooo there's no wysiwig editor thing here, at least its not showing up. since i am pretty useless in html, i dont know the colour codes off hand... nor the size codes.

so blindness is in order for u guys until i can figure a way out... or just hop back on my pc to do this.

OR U CAN JUST HIGHLIGHT EVERYTHING AND ITS IN VISIBLE COLOURS!!! or use firefo features.

regardless of what u do, i am going to be miserable coz i cant use voice communications over the net till, and if, linxy brings back a headset/mic tonight.

either ways it sounds like i have to move my speakers from the bath room with my ipod and all...

NOOOOOOO

gheyness.....

might i just add, i feel like a freja now, this guy whose sound card died a year ago or something, and then he could only hear not talk.

i feel so lonelyyyyy.... i wonder how he could bear it for a year!

maple story

2005-06-07T23:28:00.000+10:00

i just discovered a new game tonight!! it's also a cutsie form of mmo (like roseon, but 2d... kinda.). i havent quite really played it much but the various emotes and so on made me laugh so much...

here have a look

it's so cute!! i have even made emoticons from the various emote faces the characters can put up with like this yer yer!!! ahaha

damn cute right?

still haven't had any replies from the stupid company that's in charge of these apartments, so i guess its more cold showers for me why cant they just let me be happy and safe?

on with the drama on ss side, i don't feel like posting there, so i shall just state it in my own blog about what i feel.... my own space after all, no one to hand me the ban stick.

when a clan, a group or even communities are formed, leaders being leaders are naturally looked upon as... well leaders ( u shud get what i mean) people who basically are the role models, even if it's for a while.

even if it's just a game, or something in real life, being a leader is never easy, but the main issue is that i, as a leader, respect everyone else and hopes that it's reciprocrated... some times it does not, some times i would not be appreciated, other times i can be damned to hell, the most important point is to actually keep your cool about it.

why did div and heri made everyone so upset? from various point of views, what i understood was no one was "respected" out right. everyone was kinda "ignored" or "shot down", which resulted in them being looked upon as power hungry, especially div and her ban stick wielding.

the point is, if one is so much in the right, why would there be so many unhappy people? it's true, if u make a decision, not everyone is going to like it. but if 80% of the people are upset about it, telling u it's not the wisest choice and so on, wouldn't it be fairer to actually listen on it.

leaders will have to be listeners at times too. that's why it's hard to be a leader, because i would have to swallow my hard-ass ego to actually sit and listen.

searching and listening to the opinions of others is not that hard a thing, although it is always easier to wield the ban stick in front of everyone.. and just deny everything.

but it doesn't make it right, nor make the problem go away.

if the problem blew up to this point, then blaming it all on one person (aka lexi) is even more wrong. do recognise that once u deferred authority onto someone, u can't just come back and say "ok i am guna help u solve the problem, by suggesting this and this and this and expect at least 70% of them to be carried out, because i say so coz i made the clan". nothing in this world works that way, unless ur hitler and u do a great job at brain washing.

my own hate with div and heri though, is all on my own maybe someone had agree with me and be as bitchy as i am, but in the mean time, most of my disgust with div, and later on a slight bit, with heri, derived from the few incidents that i actually had a run in with them.

as long as i was in the same vent as div, mostly, i felt uncomfortable so i don't try and stay long.

i may not have known much about what happened first hand, but like i said, i don't believe in purely banning someone, kicking someone from a group just 'cause you can, just 'cause someone to say do it and so on. i mean, clearly the person has the ability to leave, but if he's taunting you to do it, wouldn't it be wiser to calm down and have a discussion later, rather than "i got home, i was expecting a relaxing evening, instead i got insulting messages thus i boot him, and he requested anyways..."

sounds like an autocratic hoe, no?

what u do not know, what u do not want to face, would never make any problems right, in my opinion.

ahhhh nice long rant woooo.... now, for a cold shower and bed

damn forgot to link you guys to the new game, it's called maple story...

cold water

2005-06-07T13:19:00.000+10:00

this is deft and dumb. the water has been gradually getting colder since we moved in. originally they were warm right from the start.

then it changed to me having to turn them on for abit before they had get warm.

today's water decided to be freezing cold. i stepped in and almost died. hypothermia in my own bath tub!! wtf is that about!?!?!?

then the accumulation of all the drama i have heard/witnessed finally came to a climax, with regards to my game anyways.

most people should know i am friendly with alot of clans, especially shadow sanctuary, we went quite a ways back. during my early dealings with them, i also happened to be friendly with another clan, the now defunct D!E clan, who also happens to be the earlier versions of the "baddies" (as someone once put it o.o), just going around griefing people and so on and having a laugh.

ultimately i don't really care what u do in game, coz game is still a game, although some actions do piss me off, it doesn't mean i am guna hate u irl too.

anyways, one time i was helping to ressurrect this guy who was in D!E clan who proceeded to perhaps grief Shadow peeps or something, but it never happened, and i wasn't the only healer and so on. but somehow word got around that i was healing them against shadow sanctuary clannies and i got banned from the ventrilo and stuff for ages.

that was despite the fact that i was actually the one who notified them that Wiser was coming...

so all these misunderstanding accumulated to me being embarassed by their stupid clan leaders, Divinity and Herithius who didn't bother to clear anything up with me, nor apologise nor anything along that line for a very long time. and of course i was upset that they didn't even see that hey, i notified them.

so moving along a few months later, div and heri game hopped to wow, and i sneaked back onto vent finally because everyone missed me or so i was told, and i started talking to everyone again.

of the few people that i met ingame, they were one of the very best lot of people, synerge, crow, soribel/katyana/leilana, zurra, namja etc.

the others were of course my clannies, sojuman, darkgummi, chosam (the 2nd one), chunk the hoe, and some others...

and then my "enemies", diawa, xephia (erratic person whom sometimes makes me wana hit him too)

the list goes on. BUT this wasn't what i meant to say -.-

anyways, so after game hopping for abit, div and heri finally decided to come back to l2, despite cussing at it, saying how bad l2 was and so on when they initially left. (it was on their forums, but they deleted sections of it, so now its all plain and gh3y all over again).

but with them they bring a storm of new ideas derived from NOT having played l2 for like ages. they wanted to pvp like how they did in wow and various other issues. and finally got everyone mad when they got disrespectful towards their allies and everything kinda blew up from there...

not to mention the other small factors that were already brewing in the background... (imagine this, a lvl 58 person who had played for quite abit before he quit, not knowing what other classes can do or can't do.. or what haste buff does...)

and everybody had a secret meeting to basically kick them out of the clan (u can't say everyone revolt and leave clan since, we are talking about practically EVERYONE!! so yer, its booting the leaders out of the clan...).

yes they are leaders, and yes they did make the clan. doesn't make them autocratic hoes.

so about 4 weeks after returning into l2, they conveniently got everyone mad enough to boot them from alliance. and instead of facing up to their faults, anyone who questions their motives or actions gets the ban/kick stick...

from divinity..

finally, even those unrelated people from the other games who asked why laura was banned, got the ban stick without much of an answer...

all i can say is...

div...

ur

a

POWER LOVING BITCH.

cya...

my confessions

2005-06-06T23:05:00.000+10:00

have u a secret so deep, so dark, u can't tell anyone but urself?

have u a secret where if u told someone, u know someone be aghasted... be disgusted at you, this somebody that they thought they knew?

here's my little dark secret, for you:

i got my idea from postsecret, this intriguing new blog i discovered (ok so its not very new but whatever.) where there were some funny secrets, but some truly macabre ones, and others, truly painful ones.

everyone of us have our own secrets, some good, some bad, others downright funny, and furthermore that are painful beyond belief.

to be honest, that secret of mine, was a derivation of my attention seeking needs. my sister was a newborn then (she's now 16) and i was about 8 or 9 or something. she had so much attention from my parents who were newly... freed from work. my mum's job had lightened far much by then, as her business had started failing.

my dad was also working less since working conditions improved and he was promoted too. so with the new addition to the family, everyone's attention was on the baby.

aunts had fly in, ride in just to see her and gossip and so on, catch up with mum and etc.

as a kid, i didn't understand all these, nor the needs of a baby. all i could feel was that i was unloved, unwanted. obviously mum didn't make it easier for me telling me stuff like she wished i was as good a baby as my sis was, and that if she had a choice, she would have pinched me to death as a baby.

8 years old can't understand such cruelty so obviously to me back then, my new sister was taking the attention my parents had on me to herself.

besides, i asked for an elder sister, not a younger one.

so my "order" was all wrong. and i decided to correct it of my own accord.

taking a pair of scissors from mum's work room, those large industrial ones since mum was a seamstress of sorts, i headed slowly towards my sister, going off in my head that i was sorry, but she was all wrong and thus she had to go.

but in my head, i lost my balls. i couldn't figure out a way to tell God why i did that, nor why a poor innocent had to die for my parents' mistakes.

eventually, as she giggled at me, i lost my will and just sobbed there with my pair of scissors in hand.

sad aye?

weak limbs

2005-06-06T12:33:00.000+10:00

despite being up to sydney a few times, sneaking past visits to aforesaid Antiquate Aunt, i am still not very familiar with sydney's layout, nor, especially, how to get to her home.

before i go on any futher, i must add, this blog and the accompanying flickr will have no full on picts on this trip. i don't know how my rellies would take to having their picts on webspace, and knowing them and their super "i am scared of everything" attitude, i rather not put things up to be on the safe side. i can put up the random pictures if u really want... such as planes and bungee jumps, basically safe pictures. having 1 anonymous looking little bugger is one thing.

showing the entire brood might cause some problems. so in order to ensure i survive my entire life, i guess i am guna have to take some precautions here. oh wells. if anything, just know that my baby cousins are so cute!!!

well on with it. upon arriving into sydney, i enquire on how to get to pennant hills, where my aunt lives nearby, and i was told to get on platform 18. perhaps i was tired, or was purely stupid, which i generally am every once in a while.

but it was the wrong platform.

and i was told by a station master,

what bullshit.

2 hours down the road or so, i found myself at pendle hills, a goodly 45 degrees off the course, which also means about another 2 hours ride back to strathfield or something to get to change trains to pennant hill.

and also an hour of ranting and raving from aunt right into my face.

aside from that, i have to handle the lies my mum has been feeding them as well, about how our family is poor coz of me, that i ain't intending to work here casual and lotsa other stuff. my other aunts generally discuss it nicely with me, coz they know my mum doesnt tell the truth all the time, which makes it harder to help her. they don't know what's going on with her coz we don't live near them, malaysia, singapore, damn far at times.

2nd aunt on the other hand, is right HERE in australia, which means, she doesn't even interact at all for years, other than thru the phone. so she doesn't know truths from lies. so she takes everything at face value.

trying to shut her up, and telling her to face it, those were lies, was a bit difficult. not to mention that she always consider herself as a foreigner to aussie, even though she has lived here for the last 20 years on a pr status or something... so her kids could easily look for jobs more than i can, as an international student.

she should go stuff it.

anyways, she with her special agenda for them as tourists, made us all go to bed early. she's also a nurse in practise too, so maybe that's why she's so touchy about food, health, sleeping hours and so on too. not that her husband, the DOCTOR actually bothered about it. in the last few years, it seems that he had withered into a stick figure. and sleeps later than me, i swear.

BUT, despite all that healthy eating bullshit, she got my aunts to buy some chocolate stuff from malaysia, so she said. and all those tapoica chips!! omg.... they were like... BAGS of them.

when i peeped into her master bedroom's toilet later on, i found 10 BAGS OF CHIPS, CHOCOLATE, SNACK SNACKS SNACKSSSSS.... all in those green coles bags... like uhm.. wow... HEALTHY GODDAMIT!!! i thought i was bad, this is insane!!

we were supposed to be up and off at 8.30 am,according to her agenda, but u know kids, its really hard to be on time, thus by the time we really set out, it was like 10.30 am. the kids were cold at 15 degrees or something, all whining and fussing away. most of them were never put into a dry country before, much less a dry and cold one. so they were all being lapped on with lotsa lotion, lip balms, thousands of coats and sweaters and whatever else.

sad story: they brought those roller shoes, with the wheels at the heels. so the dad had to remove the wheels to ensure they dont zoom into cars. but those werent exactly good for people who are scared of the cold... so....

we ended up in darling harbour, despite being lost for a bit since my sydney aunt doesnt dare drive, and she's really bad at directions. worse off than what people had expect from female drivers. and she had lived there for like 10 years already.

her agenda for us though were mostly stuff that she is familiar with, and she visits often. so for her, there's nothing new, and we walked so fast thru everything, it was hard for the real tourists to take pictures and enjoy themselves.

she was pratically running thru everything.

we did have a fair bit of playing around and photo taking and so on, despite her protests, and it was all good. but the children, being on their first trip overseas that's cold and stuff, got hungry and tired fast. it was also a pretty long trip if u think about how we practically walked everywhere.

for my aunts who have travelled often, it was nothing, but a piece of cake. especially for the sydney aunt, she lives here, walking around in australia gets easier as you get used to it.

not the kids.

so by like 3 pm they started whining and were squatting everywhere like, as my 7th aunt, their mom puts it, drug addicts.

but before that, we had lunch at the food court i was in earlier, when i went by myself. i can generally take in western serving sizes now. but my aunts couldnt. so we had like 5 meals or so, where everyone shared, and were still bursting full. then 7th uncle went and bought more food to try out (kebabs can look deceivingly tiny) and everyone just shoved stuff they couldnt finish my way.

and they blame me for being fat.

so, while the women did their massive tourist shopping (buying all those cheap china made tourist products at like 3 for 10 bux and so on) and cheap fruits (1 dollar for a bushel of apples) and giggling like little girls when they got their "bargain" goods, the man and kids and me just stood at a side watching.

i found the s and m shop again btw, and this time took a pict.

the kids went wild looking at the kangaroo and kookabura soft toys. oh and the possum lover. of all the kids who got their soft toys, 3 went kookabura coz it made those silly battery operated sounds that i used to hate. coz they wake me up when i hug them. the youngest girl went for the possum right from the start.

when we went past the pet stall though, she did the funniest thing. she tried to make her possum toy talk to the wabbits and guinea pigs. -.-

when they started whining, though i know my aunts probably disliked me for it, i started carrying the kids. i mean, i was a kid once, i could understand how tiring it is. ur still adjusting to the goddamn weather, and here u have to walk the fark out. i didnt carry them much coz i was tired myself, and 2nd aunt insisted that they wouldnt be returning to the car so i had to carry my baggage around with me in preparation to taking off back to canberra (i was actually looking forward to it. i love being with my aunts, but 2nd aunt was beginning to make it unbearable.).

laptop weighs as much as the youngest girl.

i must say, i regret not spending that much time with them. but with such little preparations on both sides, i couldn't have been with them much anyways. while they are going to see the snow today, i would have to stay home because they have no car space to bring me along. being in a huge family can be fun at times, all the teasings, the whinings, the arguments and so on.

i like how my aunts banter to and fro and joke with each other. and how everyone just fits in coz ur family.

i havent seen my cousins since the oldest one was 3. she's now 10. so imagine. hehe. well this lot of them anyways, so it was great knowing them all over again, though the youngest one had problems remembering my name -.-. till i left, she was still calling me liyi, yili or yin ni... ffs lol. lihuan isnt so hard to remember is it?!!?!?

back home now, my feet are swollen, my muscles hurt, both from carrying kids and from walking. i am glad i went up and meet them though, coz i don't know when i can meet them next when they aren't busy and all.

and watching how loving my 7th uncle and aunt is makes it all so worth it, lol. searching for each other making sure each other ain't lost. joking about wearing green hats and so on so its not hard to find him in a crowd. muahaha....

not my day

2005-06-04T13:52:00.000+10:00

i am guna cry. i miss 2 buses, greyhound is now closed for the day, so i can't buy last minute tickets.

on top of all that, i will have to be vegetarian for the next 24 hours. not eating have never sound so good.

i love my aunts don't get me wrong. i just have something against vegies.

and typing at this ugly terminal.

so while i am waiting for the next 2 hrs, and abt to sob to death, i am guna try and find myself some ibook gloves.

yay... i am retarded...

intrusion!

2005-06-04T02:12:00.000+10:00

dad seems to find himself funny.

really.

firstly he calls at 2 ams mostly now, coz he finds it funny i actually sleep early when i am here.

next he only tells me my army of aunts are coming to australia AFTER they have already taken off. good job.

and after i have told him i was going sydney, the trip that was YESTERDAY. for fucks sake! couldn't he at least have made the call when he sent them off so they could gimme a run down of what they are doing when they touch down so i could figure when to go up and visit? or at least make communication easier!!

i mean he knows i didn't give Antique my new numbers coz i am scared of her, and he just finds it hilarious now i would be waking her up early tmr. good work dad, i really need to be on the war path of Antique at 7 am in the morning.

he even suggested i tell her i dont have any phone lines at all. and that i used my housemate's mobile to receive calls from him. eh hello? i am guna be carting a mobile around if i am guna visit her right? she's not blind!?!?!

and i need to clean my room otherwise i would hear more bitchings... oh god, dad could have given a better warning than 5 hours worth of it or something.

he had the cheek to LAUGH at me "ner ner ner, enjoy!!"

wow...

and mum lied to them that i forbade her to come visit me and that i didnt want a casual job. hallo!?!?!?!? wei???? *knocks* wtf is wrong with her?? she wanted to come ALONE!! good work, so if she misses her connecting flight, her babble of broken chinese is not going to help.

oh and if she comes during exams period, she would be only in the way than really helping ("eh, bring me out to some sight-seeing leh") because that's exactly when she wana come!

and who's guna pay for it? neither dad nor her has the spare cash! wth.

and if i ditch her at home, she's guna be whiny about it. ffs.

2 am warning for a 7am arrival. real smooth dad, real smooth.

and putting me on the warpath too, and laughing at me. -.- i feel so great.

and when i mentioned the communications problem, he told me to just plant myself at paddy's, since antique brings people there when they visit, and then order lotsa food and ask her to pay when i see her.

-.-

he wants me to die. i swear.

i might have to disappear back up to sydney for a few days them. good work.

cya guys.

i might not make it alive.

sounds of annoyance

2005-06-03T13:18:00.000+10:00

waking up at 7 am to rattling metal, drilling and basically more metal whoring made me wonder why i picked this room out of the 2, bath tub or not. it's directly over the garage, and if anything happens, like when the shutters got jammed the last time, i get waken up at all hours of the day .

granted i slept at like 1 am, 6 hrs of sleep is more than enough. but when ur used to sleeping in abit, and so on, and u didn't plan on waking up early anyways, u had feel as shit as i am right now , where i still can't sleep coz they are doing something stupid to the shutters.

and since i got too lazy to go pick up my ibook, they called again, and in good time too, like 9 am or something. naturally, i was still grouchy, and almost wanted to cancel the sales coz i was just being a grouch and, i do still have this pc after all, just write goddamn notes and come back and copy everything onto the pc then.

ah, but i finally decided to grouch all the way to uni and pick it up and back. the guy was kinda silly though . he got the sticker stuck on the top part, so there was this sticky bit i had to buy nail polish remover to get rid of. he seemed nervous attending to me.

me on the other hand, was looking out for kangaroos.

i got it home, and by then i was fully proud of it. altho, my bank acct has been severely depleted by its very existence in my room now. STILL! i have now a functioning damn laptop.

my battered acer laptop laid beside it, looking all forlorn and lonely. amidst all that drilling and pounding, i actually felt sad. that laptop that had loyally served me for the past 2 odd years, was well and truly dead. well not really. it wud say hi for 2 mins and then bye.

but it was where i first did any real communication when i reached here, where i blogged on when i first hit the ground, where i cried a few times on when i broke up (tear spot wouldn't budge from the touchpad, goddamit.), where i played cs leagues on, various cs wars on, did my first uni assignments on and had mental breakdowns over.

and of course, where i first started l2 on.

amidst all that massive abuse on what was seriously meant to be a lightly used equipment, it survived for quite a while, and now it's time to say farewell. perhaps its nerdy to deliver such a long eulogy to something as lifeless as a laptop. but since it was essentially my companion while i am away from home, my first real mate here since it connected me to all my mates back home, i believe it really deserves a little attention.

when i bring u home the next time anariya, it wud be to try and get u fixed somehow and then pass u down to my sis, whom i believe wud use u lighter than me, thus perhaps fulfilling ur jobscope, rather than overreaching it.

if ur dead even then, i still will miss you.

========================================================================

i believe i mentioned before, how i am overweight, perhaps even considered as obese, especially by singapore's standard. therefore, most people who sees me, assumes its coz i eat too much for my own good and often tells me to cut it down.

generally speaking, i have always eaten the same. too little or too much, i have always had similar intake amounts of food.

but anyways, rarely would u find someone bothering me to eat more or to eat up whatever was on my plate. usually people can't care less.

what i don't get is, often when i visit the stores next door, regardless of which store but as long as its those old ladies, they have one thing in common.

they had give me more food, go all motherly over me and warn me to clean up my plate. good lord! what's with them?!?!

i am not even small size. i am just about the normal height for asians, sometimes taller, i am definitely not thin or stringy. so what's with all that?

the woman attending to me especially, for today, was pottering and fussing all around me, wondering if i had enough food, giving me 3 fish pieces instead of 2, and 2 more bread pieces than what they normally give for soup.

i ended up being too full within 2 mouthfuls of fish, after my soup.

when i asked to pack things up though, she was like "remember to finish the vegies now honey.."

help....

sydney trip...

2005-06-02T23:42:00.000+10:00

well. i went up to sydney. apparently, people thought i went missing.. O.o guess i assumed rosie reads this blog too much . at any rate, when wadie finally picked me up from jolimont center, he didnt even realised i went to sydney and thought i did my shopping in jolimont center a bus terminal.

at any rate, i left for sydney early today, got on a greyhound bus at about 9....

and hit sydney at about 12.30 or so i think. or 12. 15 or something. didn't took any rewetting drops with me, so my lenses almost fell out of my eyes after i passed out in the bus for 3 hours with my ipod...

realised i didn't quite remember to get cash as well when i left, so had to withdraw from upstairs at central station...

when i came down, i saw this sign, pretty curious about it, what you mean by "inward parcels etc etc etc?" do parcels walk or something? o.o this just made me turned my head.

but not as bad as what was across the road. it was this church, which i shall not show nor name, which is totally locked up. i find it sad, that a church, the place where people come together to worship God, is locked at times. i am not saying it shud be perma open either. if ur worried about safety then just lock it up at night.

mayber i am just not used to locked up churches.

then i stride over to china town. at that time, which was also lunch break, cars and people were everywhere.... i was beginning to feel a tad stifled...

then i saw paddy's. woot!! asian food!!! decided to grab lunch first before i start shopping. don't wana pass out in the middle of great bargains.

a glimpse of paddy's pasar malam downstairs. multiple stalls selling all kinds of crap. the most interesting one though, was this lingerie stall. even had some s & m stuff. whips, leather brassiere/corset and g string, whips. and also, this nurse lingerie. but... old women buying!!! like in their 60s!!! i didn't dare to take photos.

funny bit was, i arrived at what seems like a good time. firstly, they are having stock take sales!!! every where were like, 30-70% sale ahaha.. i almost drooled . so unsightly

secondly, apparently, Twins was also having their aussie autograph session too. this was what i saw at like... 12.30. according to posters, they were suppose to come in at like, 8.30 pm. turns out they were there at like 4 or something. by the time i left paddy's, the entire 1st floor was flooded with teens in their high school uniforms.

then again, they aren't the only ones. there were hong kong girls, who were obviously from uni, in well dressed heels and so on and boyfriends in tow.

what was memorable was how one of them started screaming and bashing her boyfriend up for taking bad photos of twins.

with her camera.

one of the securities, old man and all, with beer gut, started telling people near him to dance with him. then raise one arm up, baring his white armpit hair, and started boogeying slowly. swing that hip old man!! woohooo!!!! (eeww )

went up to eat anyways, twins or any stars for that matter, doesn't interest me.

asian food!!! i went to this stall called mclucksa... kinda misspelt laksa but i think he finds it... good feng shui!! that guy who looks like he owns it, seems to be singaporean too. he called fried radish cakes, "cai tao kueh". i almost cried when i heard those familiar words.

goddamn greasy food, makes me cry.

our "national food" according to a tourist, who saw it on a STB brochure. i feel so proud i am a... singahainanesEE?!?! bleah...

anyways, while i was eating, i was reading one of my trashy magazines that was screaming "angelina shatters brad" basically insisting that angelina has gone back to her first ex husband/boyfriend or something. these ladies who were like 2 tables away from me gave a gasp each.

woman 1" omg look! brad has broken up with angie!!"

woman 2" what!?!? why!??!" *looks at me*

me "uhm... she went back to her 1st ex husband... uh look" so i showed them the page.

they showed a disgusted face "she dumped brad for him!?!?! how awful!!"

woman 2 "well he can come to me anytime, i would always welcome him in my arms haha, even though he's american... but nothing matters in love.."

these ladies are like in their 50s or something.

good lord. lol....

so, ok, we need to use a toilet after getting hot and heavy with food right? this ah... doodling caught my eye.... something about "huajie guna die, pk" oh yer, the word pk got my eye... goddamn.. i game too much...

i started my massive shopping afterwards. which i must warn u, is going to be the cause of lack of photos. i was too busy juggling bags and finding directions and getting distracted by cutsie stuff, great new mobile phones, bags and coats, that i forgot about taking photos for a long time. besides, it also caused me to be unable to ah... go to better places :P

but my first stop was a tourist shop to find something to buy, if i feel like it. if anyone remembered, or if i actually wrote it at all, i bought 2 kangaroo scrotums from sydney airport earlier this year, coz it amused me so much that people had used it as a coin pouch.

apparently it's lucky!!

but this shop is a little too... ah...

nevermind.

so out of paddy's i go, by then i was drained from being swamped and pushed around by little boobies and wannabes... started thinking if i could just beg greyhound to let me go home early . yer i am a wuss.

i came by this high tech busker. he had so much batteries and other stuff to his left if you could see. he was taking so much time setting up that interested buggers already left.

then this tree came up in the middle of chinatown... probably a statue but i didn't dare touch it. gold stuff at the top...

and they named it gold water mouth... doesn't quite make sense does it!?!?

i walked around abit more, and found the building that had always been under construction, finally all up and spanking new. and named ernst and young. funny bit, when i walked in, my phone switched the area to "ernst and young center" or something like that. wowzer... own antenna?

but right outside that building was this.

i know budget hotels ain't meant to be like all posh and clean and so on. still, this looks... not ready to be slept in. somehow.

near it though, i found the shop i needed to find smoke and wadie a souveneir..

the place where cucumber dildos and giant blow up sex dolls might be sold.

sadly... they don't sell the designs i like . i should try melbourne next!!!

nearby was this pub, called 3 monkeys. it used to be the national australian bank or something like ages ago. and now its a national heritage building or something... under conservation.

inside is where the drunken trolls hehe. i heard its a pretty cool bar though.

eventually i went home after buying all these, mostly from paddy's. jacket from giordano (fairly warm too!!! yay!! no more frostbites!!), shoes from platypus (pink!!) and bag from this tiny shop in a corner. i couldn't pretty much find the bag i want. they may have the designs, but not like, the material.

i don't know what's up with bags nowadays, all made with such coarse and rough materials. bags are meant to be huggable too, coz its the stuff we carry with us, happy or sad, our tear bag .

this is what i got for everyone else... hand made chocolate by australian or something. they are right at the corner of the ernst and young building, when u walk up from chinatown. excellent service, and great chocolate.

and mmmm lemon sherbet.

i am off to bed. it's been a tiring one, trying to avoid a stampede of teeny boppers and so on.

wisdom from dad...

2005-06-02T00:59:00.000+10:00

Dad and i have became closer in these 3 years that i have been away. we talk more and are alittle more open than we were before i left. i guess it can't be help, at times, when i am all alone, it seems only dad understands me. after all, these people here that i have met, i have just known for at most.. a few months.

dad has knew me my entire life. we had our ups and downs, mostly because he believes in the rod discipline, the shouting-at-you-or-beat-you-up type of discipline. he was brought up that way too, so i guess, he probably thought it's the only way. the way he tells me, he simply believes it's too hard to make a child understand reasoning.

he believes too, that a child of any parent is never too old to be chastised by his/her parent, even when the child is 100 yrs old and he's in the wrong, the parent is still allowed to cane him/her. the parent is always right.

me on the other hand, is always clashing with these believes that he has. i feel reasoning has to be done, that if the parent is wrong, he shud admit that he's wrong, and apologise when necessary. no one is infallible after all, and rightly so. the human race is flawed, but beautifully flawed.

dad just called to ask if i had gotten my money, and to spend it wisely. aside from that, he told my glasses are ready and just waiting to be collected by mum tomorrow. then he asked me how it is.

after telling him i generally am done with school for now, and am considering going up sydney proper tomorrow, i put out my doubts about visiting my aunt. for one, her home is cold. so cold. and i am not talking about the weather. people don't communicate in there. it feels like a school, sans the warm atmosphere everyone has. there's a tv there, that is only alive at meals. i feel sad and scared when i'm there, coz it doesn't feel like a home.

dad wondered if they had installed a tv card like i was suppose to on their various pc's. so into technology eh, dad?

but he did mention, that that's not really a right way to live a home life too. that families should talk more, regardless of how good or bad the talks are. making an effort to reach out to the other human being is often what is necessary to keep relationships alive, to keep one's children and loved ones close to you.

so despite my various bad memories of dad and how much i hated him back then, i still love my dad, coz we can actually talk. there's a normal father/daughter distance, but we talk, i consult him when i have a problem, when i am upset.

in all his wisdom, he views everything as a lesson for the future. to be able to take things as they come. if it has already happened, you can't change it, but you can be wiser from it. that's what i have learnt from dad, a very precious lesson. an inability to let go can bog one down.

then i asked him about blogosphere in singapore. hrm.

if ur wondering why i did that, it's more i am curious. when i first started blogging all those years ago, i never knew many people even blogged online. i only knew my friend and a couple of her friend does. and me. so when i suddenly saw these flood of blogs from singapore, and how big it has become, i was just... curious. some of these people started at about the same time as i did.

dad himself though, never even heard of it, despite the various news article put up all over lianhe zaobao, lianhe wanbao and Xin Ming Ri bao (or something like that.) until i asked him what's up with blogging tonight. so we had a long chat about it, about why i started, what people wrote on their blogs and so on.

being the conservative him, he was worried that i put up too much personal issues on the web about myself. he didn't want me to get "exploited" (muahahahahaha!!!!) because he believes there are lotsa "spies" around who works for some insurgencies and blah blah blah and i might end up being a taliban suicide bomber some how... WELL...

then, apparently, he claimed his friend wanted him to start a blog, and has been sending him his own blog links (omg 55 years old ah pek made a blog!?!?! wth!!!) hoping that dad had read it and make his own blog.

dad of course feel vulnerable to the taliban...

and he doesn't know what to send back or put on his blog anyways. so he suggested putting this up.

to be honest, a no-nosed, taped over mouth, pulled ears and removed eyes person... scares me.i wonder what's wrong with my dad now...

i'm glad for my dad though, that he's moving along with technology now... so much that he wants me back so i can do html, email and other stuff for him that he may look good. -.-

not that i am any good at it at all.

thanks dad. your the best. i may have forgotten when's father's day and mother's day coz of our own practises (my parents don't like celebrations. so no birthdays, anniversaries and whatnots either. only chinese new year ), but then again, ur still the best

why breakfast

2005-06-01T11:37:00.000+10:00

so... i went for breakfast and it became pretty disturbing within 5 mins.

of course, it cud be that i tried to work around the place freezing at 10 deg, with my slippers on and a short skirt. but regardless...

most times people had tell u why breakfast is necessary, is because it is the first meal of the day, and supposedly, it improves concentration and intelligence for the day. not to mention that it also helps to make u "wake" faster from ur slumbering stupor.

overheard in the first shop i popped into:

kid: mommy, i don't wana eat this! just get me hot chocolate.

mum: u must eat something for breakfast!

kid: why?! isn't hot chocolate food?

mum: hot chocolate is a drink, sweetie, c'mon, order something.

kid: but why must i eat so early in the morning!?!?!

mum: because if u don't eat breakfast, policemen will come driving round the corner to jail ur butt. now order something!

ummmmm ok. that freaked both me and the kid out abit and he hesitantly ordered some cheese sandwiches. somewhere along the kid's life later on, his mum will probably tell him that lying is bad, and that he should not lie. i wonder if she would ever realise how badly she contradicts herself o.o...

o wells. i am off to bed. i am going to try and go up to sydney for some look-see tomorrow... hehe...

damn eating

2005-05-31T10:10:00.000+10:00

man i wish humans dont have to eat. then i can just sit sleep, play, games, shower go out shopping blah... i mean... the time needed to cook these things plus cleaning up and such. it's just dumb.

why can't we just lie out flat and absorb sunlight for energy just like plants? we are living things after all!!! in the end.. the sun is almost useless, save vitamin something that we only get thru being sunburnt and other things.

been playing games for the last few days since i was "released". not sure if it was a good or bad thing, considering that it also happened to be the siege weekends ingame. i met more retards than was assuring. i admit though, in games like these where u practically live there, strangers are easier to piss u off than friends, coz u expect the same type of common sense as urself. when they do stupid shit, i know i get so upset.

stuff like talking like they know everything, like they have big balls. and i can actually prove them wrong. it just shits me. i play this game however i fucking please, thank you very much. don't tell me who to rezz and who not to rezz, u dont own my game, i don't tell you what to do.

what i can't believe is the nerve of my friend, oh yer a friend, telling me exactly what to do in a game i BOUGHT and pay for monthly fees, what to do in a game. then threatening to kill me in a damn game just coz, ooo i don't do as he pleases. hi, silly, notice how many times u killed me wartagged or nai. how much i care. none. i treat u as a friend with respect, do it as such.

funny thing is, he doesn't find out certain facts. set isnt lars, and vice versa.

oh wells. whatever he say is correct.... it's a guy after all. a guy is ALWAYS right. gg. like all good friends, they all annoy. i shall just sit in my corner and mumble to myself.

i don't know what to do this holidays. dad seemed to have sent me extra cash to like, go melbourne or something. but its not like a damn lot. i need a break in a hidey hole tho, maybe outback alone? hehe, then i be eaten by kangaroos!

funny thing abt kanga's and koalas. last few days i been talking to a few people. they all seem to be asking me the same thing. "have u seen a kanga yet?" "how's playing with koalas?" "possums are cute huh, are they cuddly?"

hi... these are wildlife you're talking about. do i look like i am about to go get myself mauled by them for ur entertainment pleasure?

no. that's right.

zoos are zoos. most of them are commercial, if not all. tame animals in there does not often equate tame animals outside. if i am to go out now and grab a possum like my ex neighbour did last year, i might lose half a face. not quite sure if its worth it at that point then... eh?

so for all you hippies out there, yes animals are cute, we ought to help conserve their numbers, they are a huge part of our lives.

that doesn't mean i am guna risk my life to hold them in my arms for your pleasure.

dishes?

2005-05-30T00:46:00.000+10:00

may i just add, that i am writing this with full on fury...? ok not really, but almost full on fury, since i have tried to sit down and mellow out but, yer, it's not working.

what happened tonight that blew me off, was that linxy asked me ingame to wash dishes coz he needs to use microwaveable dishes to make dinner for himself. there's nothing wrong with that part, since i did mention to clean last night's bout of dishes as he cooked. but much as he was busy ingame, i had also just woken up and was still in that blurry mode, and wanted to breathe a little.

or maybe just do it tomorrow. i had a siege earlier today and ended up not sleeping for the past like 28 hours before. so i was tired, aching all over and just woke. and trying to have my dinner.

so i was like, hey, i wash up often. dont need to have a go at me, i will clean up. so he started whining "but the microwaveable dishes are dirty and i need to make microwave dinner...".

i am not sure if he had a look at the shelves though. there was at least a couple of microwaveable bowls left. the new bowls though, i am not sure if they are microwaveable, but if they are, that's 10 bowls or something for him off the cuff.

so i told him "if u need just one bowl, just go wash one, its only 1 bowl vs many that i be washng."

note: all these in clan chat, in a farken game. talking to me, 10 meters away, is so hard.

then he starts whining about how he's been washing my dishes recently and its not fair that i make him clean this dish too for his own consumption. so i started getting mad. "look, i have also been cleaning ur dishes since we move in. it's just one dish linxy."

oh no.. "but yer most of those dishes were ur own, like i wash those dishes even tho there's only 4 of mine and 20 of urs." ok. u don't count how many times u have washed our dishes since we moved in, but u count how many dishes u have washed vs my impossible 20?

so i asked him "and this conversation goes in the game? why?" no replies. next line goes out to wadge and andoo.

went over and had a yell at him. "why, u can't talk outside of game dude?"

silence.

"i wash ur dishes too linxy."

"and i wash urs too" sullen reply ...

"yes but how many times linxy? ask urself that."

"i don't count panda!"

"oh and i do? how many times have u cleaned the bins?"

"i do my share too.. (blah blah blah that i was too busy yelling at him to actually listen)"

"yes u do, but ask urself dude, how many times have i cleaned ur shit, how many times have i carried out the trash and you have not. and does the convo with me ends up being ingame now?"

"no, i was ingame, ur ingame, so we talk there. i was busy talking to friends at the same time too ingame. what's wrong with talking ingame anyways?"

"that's not the point linxy! we live in the same house, u don't live far away from me, nor upstairs downstairs so don't give me that bullshit. and i am not here to be your maid,"

"i am not saying that you are! it's just with all these dishes in the sink, i can't clean just one bowl or 2"

"there's not all that many dishes linxy. it's just ONE bowl"

the hazards of living with someone u actually know as a housemate is that, when u do boil over, u boil over coz u have been keeping quiet about it for a long time, or u guys think that since ur friends, its ok to do this and that, not realising that the other party might not like it. then when u finally realises it, u hit the roof or the other party has already hit the roof.

first off. if u want to talk to someone who stays with you, do you

1) use the farken net to chat ? (msn/exodus/aim/whatever goddamn technology is out there)

2) or ask them in a general place in a game (something like damn irc chat with everyone in the goddamn room) to do something?

3) walk the fuck over by like 5-10 meters to that goddamn faraway place to ask if he/she is going to damn wash the dishes? even though, subconsciouly, u know if u ditch ur dishes there, and she being a little on the anal side, would eventually wash it coz it farken stinks?

i don't know how other people view it, i think rl friends > ingame friends and rl is always more than a fucking game. or maybe i am wrong and shud stfu and listen to my dad that guys don't like to lift a finger to fucking move out of their damn comfy chairs.

or better yet, listen to linxy's conservative chinese friends and basically as a girl, clean the fuck out of his room, the apartment and whatever shit that is here, whether or not it's my crap or his, just so he can play more games and relax when he's home.

but wait, i am not his maid, i am not his gf, why the fuck would i want to do that, or see a need to? oh wait, according to those friends, its coz i am his friend, i am a girl, and I LIVE IN THE SAME GODDAMN PLACE. fuck that, linxy's friend can be our maid.

but i digress. our home is set up such that we can use intercom on our phones. if i am on exodus (this msnger thing) i basically am contactble there for him too. and he utilises it well. if i am ingame, he talks to me there "panda, get me an ice cream since ur getting one". while these are GREAT communication tools, our home is only this small. between my chair to his chair, its not more than 20 steps (small feet don't count. small steps too.).

what's wrong with talking ingame/online and so on? hey, u have a problem with me, come talk to me. ffs, do we live 10 miles apart? does he live upstairs? downstairs? big house? no.

none of that. i think if u think about it... hour house is probably like, 100m by 100 m or something. its bigger than that, well slightly, but then again, its this one CLEAR path to his room and mine. so its not like we need technology to talk.

he claims he's talking to his friends online. ok i understand that. but you want somethings done? so u argue with me on clan chat? wait a sec. we live in the same house. what are you trying to prove? that ur right and i'm wrong and u want the world to see how fucked in the head i am? or that oo... there's no need to worry about panda... she takes whatever shit i hurl at her anyways.

just coz i tolerate all manners of retarded piece of shit people hurl my way, doesn't mean i have tolerance rate, doesn't mean it will continue, doesn't mean that you are right, and i take it at face value i am wrong.

as with a post a zillion light years ago, i am not anyone's bitch but my own. while i don't assert that on a daily basis, it's only 'cause "hey we live in the same house. if i see his dishes, let's wash it. he works, he eats at work, he eats out. i eat at home, so i use more, so lets wash more often, clean more often."

it doesn't translate to me being a whore, cleaning up everyone's dishes. it just means i know where my damn responsibilities lies. telling me to do something that's also partially ur responsibility, in a place and a tone where it seems ur right and goddamn i am a dirty slut, doesn't mean that hey, ur right.

no, it means ur a stupid fool and ur guna make me hit the roof earlier than i should.

secondly, considering how much i have cleaned up our dishes since we moved in, cleared the trash and so on, it's not likely that i won't clean up.

i have my own cleaning rages, and i don't like stinky kitchens. every now and then, linxy suddenly gets all hyped up about cleaning or eating healthy or something or another, and then yer, kitchen gets clean, we have hot food that he cooks. or something else. but on a more consistent basis, i clean up.

no i don't count such stuff. but u know what... he's done so little, i can count them. that's how much he cleans. he's taken out rubbish like twice now. before that, i can even remember him asking, if there were recycling bins in the bin center. that was like 2 months or so after we moved in.

other times, dishes piles up for 2 weeks. and he just walks past them, washes one or something, and uses it then piles on more.

and they sometimes end up being washed by me, looking a bit like this.

yer. that may not seem alot. considering how little bowls we have though, and how many times i went out to eat at that point in time (was a couple of months back picts), this IS 2 weeks worth. it was that many to take up 2 sides of the sink, rather than 1. and half of it was his, from a luncheon with his gf (birthday sunday i think).

the hazards of living with a guy, is that THEY ALWAYS FUCKING THINK THAT THEY ARE RIGHT. no i am not always right, i am not perfect either. but i admit that i dont wash up straight away, nor all the time. THAT, I DO.

i am not whining about having to clean dishes. i do get tired of it like everyone else, i do want a break from it occassionally, but i do do it. what i do whine about is if u contribute to that shit and u dont admit to it, or if u do, u just admit to a few of it, and then clean up as little as u can.

see, a dishwasher is a dishwasher. its not YOU cleaning up the dishes.

and if we have to utilise the dishwasher, it means that between 2 of us, we have either overused dishes, or its been accumulated over a long period of time. either ways, it means we are fucked.

i am done ranting. sorry for the long post. was just uber pissed that ONE bowl is so much effort. ONE dish is so much to be cleaned that oo, anybody should raise a goddamn ruckus over it or ask someone else to do it.

what are u scared of

2005-05-28T07:25:00.000+10:00

Tears
afalling down my face.
Heart
won't stop hurting.

Four walls
Closing in.
Can't breathe.

Can't think.

Fear
races through my mind.
Lonliness
i feel

Four walls
Closing in.
Wanna run.

Wanna hide.

Hold me tight
I need someone to.
Dry my tears
I can't on my own.

Assurance,
What i need.

Tell me,
my world
is not crashing upon me.

blogskins and holidays

2005-05-28T03:30:00.000+10:00

in a sense, holidays have started for me since i have no exams. last assignment went in today and i feel awesome.

i am tweaking around with photoshop and making backgrounds so far... jake is tweaking the fine bits of it, usually stuff i dont know how to do. i am not going to be changing this blog look much since i dont really know much about it yet. thing was, i got so frustrated last night trying to tinker with the other blog's html and designs with jake, it got annoying.

and the amount of people who sent in cut and paste types!! i mean, yer i am shit at it, and i really am in no place to comment. to be honest though, what most people did is just shove in a lame pict or too and then add html. its only the html part that i am dumb in. with what they did (erm... e.g stick figures) i can actually churn up something along those lines.

so when i got home today and decided that.. erm, ok let's see if i can throw together some stuff...

i dont remember much from my first photoshop lessons and got really upset. so this was what happened...

yer, i know it looks like shit. its meant to. i was goddamned pissed. then i started being smarter and turned to various tutorials that the damn program had. and cheated abit... and got this...

first lesson that i learnt from blogskins... cut and paste!!! and then a little of shifting work and voila!!!

oh wells. it doesnt fit this blog anyways >.>

i decided to be a little more hard working and actually use some of the tools that photoshop has, and downloaded some brushes that jaslyn/diorangel (link at the bottom right corner) had linked on her blog, as in her affliates/resources.... and also use bits of her tutorial to figure out how to crop images... then...

simple, but it looks decent. i haven't shoved in buttons or codes or anything yet coz jake is the html guy!!! :P

so anyways, that got me rolling and i tried various other shet that got me all excited... and turn up pictures that i really have no idea what to do with...

so to end it all off, i am fairly into trying to churn out more picts!!! just trying to see what i can come up with. even though i can't draw, i can make these little stuff and entertain myself :D oh wells :P

Creation of da tard blog

2005-05-27T04:56:00.000+10:00

heh. notice the huge new button to ur right bottom? that's right. i finally got annoyed enough to start off a tardblog.

for everything i do, i have a reason, and if i can, so the pictures are linked to it as well. for this seperate blog, the case remains the same. checkout the layout.

sadly though, the codings are a little off, so had to make jake do something about it. and since i dont like tagboards (its like this mini chatroom when u already have a comments area.. urmmmm), i took it and replaced it with archives for now. in that sense, its still semi under construction, but that's another place to rant about idiots that appear infront of me on a daily basis. more like a record.

blatantly speaking, most people like to view others who are mentally handicap as the only ones who are capable of doing stupid things, saying stupid stuff and so on. it is but a special effect to a person.

what these "normal" people do though, can be so shockingly dumb, you won't believe it. and that's where my tardblog goes. specially for the obnoxious idiots of the society.

enjoy this birth :D for the lazy people, i shall just link u right here http://turtlepowah.blogspot.com

cursed ibook

2005-05-26T17:25:00.000+10:00

this is retarded. i have been going to the apple center to get my new ibook since my last laptop died. and in the end all i have been getting from the retarded atm card i have got is that ooo fuck you, i am not letting u pass this transaction.

for the second time since i have been trying to buy that retarded laptop, my transaction has been declined, both out of the small withdrawal limit of my eftpos card (1k a day). i actually called them up to make it bigger, which they claimed they did but today again i found out that "oo sorry it looks like it wasn't done properly" DUH! you think!?!?!

you know how embarassing it is to go to a shop and then "ooo you have been declined. ur card is retarded" yes i know!!! then u got this goddamn queue behind u. everyone looks at you like some kind of paedophalic offender being put on execeution gallows.

the only good thing was, it was after class but before an apparently large 5 pm lecture, so since everyone was being made late by me, they stare at me furiously and left, thus allowing me time to talk to the apple center guy and ask more about stuff regarding the ibook.

no, i know wtf i am buying. but due to my grand excitement, geez i forgot wth it does only that it does some shit that i can't fucking remember. talking like a dyslexic to the attendant as well as having the memory of a mouse does not help either. poor guy was staring at me wondering wtf i was trying to ask: "uh, do u know if the ibook has uh.... u know that THING!?!?"

ya, sif he would know wth is that thing...

considering how much shit i have been through to get this damn ibook, i am beginning to wonder if its cursed. though u must admit with me that it is gorgeous, uhm but if its so cursed, i don't know if i should get it. (note no photos because i am on a school mac. first time i am actually able to blog from chifley library ever since the woman's protest ages ago. boy do i feel proud of myself.)

what if, just what if, after i bought it, so damn car come and hit me and the laptop broke.. gg 1.5 k down the drain.

or it rains, and everything inside rusts while i walk miserably home in the rain (yes i know it comes in a box, shuddup and let me kao peh.)

better yet, i walk walk walk, then one goddamn kangaroo comes at me, punching the hell out of me then runs away with my ibook?!?!

oh yer, those stupid kangaroos.

nono, i love animals, really. but kangaroos are so stupid, i feel so sad for them. u know, a long long time ago, mouse was driving us home from manuka or something in the middle of the night. u know, those late night CS snacking thing (more like out linxy's balcony cooking) and we were at coles. so on our way back, mouse hit a kangaroo by accident. it was dark, the only lights were the same colour as those kangaroos (they shud make neon lights instead, better to spot yellow kangaroos then yellow lights.).

there were 3 kangas. 2 were smart, one was just pure unfortunate i guess. instead of like the others, jumping backwards or forwards, it hop right into the air.

that's right, INTO THE DAMN AIR!!! wth... go front or back la, why middle?

anyways, we didn't know if it died and we didn't dare check coz kangas, despite however stupid they are, also have the mentality of a guy. "wtf, u killed my mate, i am guna farken kill you!!!" yer, that's how they think.

uhm, yes, my ibook.

so yer, i am worried about the day when i actually get my ibook. someone protect me when i do go get that stupid thing. or at least someone who's credit allowance is about 2k so if i get embarassed, your turn to look stupid.

so now here i sit in the library, waiting for wadge to finish his class coz i made the mistake of calling him to dinner and he has that huge 5pm lecture/exams too. but i dont wana look like a lonely soul with no friends or life, so yer. wait for wadge, i must.

damn yoda.

blindness and wars

2005-05-25T03:29:00.000+10:00

just for those who are actually interested... i have updated my songlist again, took out some songs, add in some songs. go play with it if u want. just dont play it for 30 days in a row, i think i shud be fine.

other than that... to fix the blindness that andoo accidentally put me thru (more because my contacts are like 3 years old now, though they expire in 2007, according to the blister pack wrapper..), i went to visit the optometrist to have a check up that will inadvertantly give me the most precious prescription that i would need to get my new glasses or lenses, whichever i choose to go.

for those who are not familiar with whatever i am talking: unlike singapore, you can't just go in and say "ok i just want top buy new contacts supplies" or get free eye check then shop for new specs and go. optometrists here are like doctors here, must have appointment unless they aren't busy. you have to pay them to check ur eyes. and you need precriptions for contact lenses amd glasses. but mainly contacts.

i guess it's good, less eye infection possibilities for me :X i will never forget the pain my poor eyes went thru...

anyways. so i went thru the must-have eye check, which costs me 61 bux without medicare, and then promptly got told my eye sight is 275 on the right and 3.25 on the left, with minor astigmatism. most of this... does NOT TALLY!!!

wahahaha... spec's precription!!! my first too!!! so proud...

according to the freak in that shop where i bought my last set of glasses told me i was on the verge of being blind. somewhere around the 400s. the only reason why both my glasses and my contacts were 325 and 375 were because the jump in the sudden degree would destabilise me, thus he suggest i stick with those degree for another year or so or somehting.

i remember almost tumbling over the black chair when he made me wear those "glasseS" to try out. that was how bad it was. and i felt so drowsy too.

anyways, the only 2 things i can think of at this point is:

1) he was stupid, and got it all wrong. i am not all that blind.

2) my eyesight improved during the last 3 years. (opty here says its not possible.)

ok. so opty said it wasn't possible. but consider this, dad said it's possible, and it HAS been 3 years, even though she said almost 100 degrees difference is not possible, it just might be.

but. contrary to dad's theory though, much as i live around trees ponds and lakes, i haven't had the chance to really stand there at the window for 3 hrs each day to try and improve it. rather, i do spend at least 3 hours staring at computers and so on, between gaming and assignments.

so my guess on it?

that ang mo kio spec man lied to me!!!! he's in this gigantic conspiracy to make me look like the ultimate NERD!!!

instead of a BABE!!!!

needless to say though, i was very happy that my dear optometrist found this conspiracy out and told me!!! now i am slowly but surely on my way to babedom!!

but don't hold ur breath, i am too lazy to bother with my looks and such. my only concern with my eye sight was that i wanted to be a fighter pilot, a part of RSAF.

ya! up there flying those fighter jets and stuff and then possibly ramming myself to death by accident coz i am so silly. if you want to know that bad, i actually applied to it, got thru half of the application but got turned down coz my eyesight worsen so i couldn't even be allowed near the damn helicopter.

fuckit.

funny thing was, a long long time ago, my dad ALSO applied to rsaf and his eyesight worsen too around the time he went part way through the application process. infact, at his peak, he's like 500-600 deg on either eyes or something. so sad right? when i told him i tried for rsaf and i failed and so on, and cried so hard, he was like "eh... ur eyesight would fail one la, that's for sure. that happened to me too. it's murphy's law!"

i stared at him thru my tears. man, my old man and i have so much in common!!! he's the wrong sex that's all.

and murphy's law my ass. every time i want something, i need something, it's NEVER THERE!! NEVER AROUND!!! and when i don't need something (e.g cabs) they FLOOD my horizons. good work, murphy!!

anyways, i digress.

as it is, i am still semi blind. the opty doesnt keep stock of her contacts in shop so they are "fresh" when they come to me or something. i ordered contacts this time around coz honestly, 500 bux for specs, i rather go blind. i called up dad and told him a gorilla whacked into my face by accident and broke my glasses.

this damn thing la! broke my glasses!!! his name is andoo!! find him and kill him!

then, before he could wonder why there was a gorilla in uni, i asked him if he could get mum and himself to the same ang mo kio shop to get me new glasses, since contacts doesn't exactly correct my astig problem.

i don't exactly want to tumble into the arms of another gorilla now would i? and i am serious, i really told my dad i bumped into a gorilla. his first reaction was "HUH!?!?" then yer, i moved straight into the next point. didn't bother to answer his huh?!?!

the only problem i see in this, asking my mum and dad to get me my new glasses, is that they will both probably get somehting they both like. which means it's guna be damn obiang (out of date), and looks like something from the 1930s. HUGE and SQUARE and probably be TINTED BROWN or something like that. infact, it would be gold rimmed too, mum being the money mind and dad liking the fact that yellow skins goes with yellow jewellery and stuff.

not that he even wore that yellow shirt i bought him for father's day ages ago.

if they get me that hideous pair of glasses, i am going to make myself perfectly blind or perfectly recovered from ever having to wear those damn things again. as its easier to go blind, hrm, maybe i shud just go blind!!!

sigh.

i dread collecting that parcel now. good night!!

2005-05-24T11:45:00.000+10:00

i just saw one too many dance shows and its making me itch all over...

despite the fact that u know, i havent quite danced for a while now, and my stock of mtv has been cut due to me staying on campus for the last few years, i try to go clubbing like once a year or something, but there's this huge urge to go "ooof ooofff ooffff aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" in the middle of the dance floor.

you know how it is, u get on the dance floor and its all just you and the music, and nothing else. it's just, flooowwwww with the music and yay.

the movies in question were basically, coyote ugly, dirty dancing 2, center stage and yer, that's pretty much it. oh i know the genre of dancing is really far apart in terms of what was being dance and so on. but i don't have any particular favourites. all these dancing are beautiful in their own ways.

and there are limits to dancing in your room. you bang into shit, you bang into glass, and the atmosphere is all wrong :( no smelly people to whack while dancing, no one doing all the "oi oi oi!!!" with the songs, makes it all wrong.

yer, the main reason for me to go clubbing is often the dancing, and nothing much else.

the dance school i went the year before is still there. i just uhm, feel shy =X yer i do feel shy sometimes! and i prefer to go with friends than going alone.

at any rate, i think i shall do it again in the second semester, just not sure what kind of dancing i want to do and if i want to do it in such a big class =X intimidating when u see really good people and then people with great dance figures and ur just a blob at the back.

and i dont know where to go either. it's just that school near us. but i know there are other schools and so on. i should really walk around abit and look out for schools i guess.

but at the end of the day, i dont want all those lessons to go to waste, i want to perform too. and that's where i often get disappointed. in my previous dance classes, i was often set to be like, one of the main 4 dancers or something, which often makes me happy. then along the way, the teacher would relegate me to the corp. there's nothing wrong with being a corp member, but to be treated like that, main, then corp, then main, then corp, makes me pissed off.

i would rather be a corp then to be shoved aside every single time.

i will see how ok i am next sem, with time tables and all. and also deciding which dance class to take! wish me luck!!

star wars

2005-05-24T01:22:00.000+10:00

i am not a huge fan of star wars. i usually watch any movie coz of 3 main reasons:

1)there's lotsa hype and i wana get educated about the hype

2) friends brought me along and since they might not wana watch what i wana watch... oh wells..

3)the poster/title/actors blah blah blah interests me. this means anything that's on the surface side, including trailers.

ever since i first saw star wars epi 1, i just treated it like any other movie, it didn't quite catch all my attention that much. like wise, tonight's outing was pretty much coz of factor 2, and also, hehe, i wanted to see what amidala's costume might churn up to be like.

needless to say, i was disappointed on many levels. the costumes and hair weren't all that great. she looks like spaghetti reincarnate, complete with flowy dresses. i dont mind the dresses part though, after all, she was meant to be pregnant.

don't want to spoil things for u guys but then again, some stuff you should have known from the movie's site anyways, so just go watch the movie to get what i am talking about.

other than that, a particular scene towards the end amused me to no end. already, she looks fairly fakely pregnant. but that scene where she was lying on some bed or stretcher or something... the only showing part of her belly was "crumpled"

CRUMPLED!!!!

wat is with that!?!?!?

the only great thing about the movie, as always, will always be cutie yoda...

oh my little green bald friend. the one who needs walking stick to walk properly, but bounces around with more enthusiasm than any of the padawans... with a fart, he can push aside 2 people. how great is that!!!

my idol.. *drools*

at any rate, i almost strangled myself with my jacket, while also almost falling asleep. it was a bit draggy, but that wasn't the reason why i was passing out, more coz i was already tired anyways.

i was studying a little in the day and went on to have lunch at all bar nun. its half a pub half an eatery. what amused me the most was while i was trying to make peace with my text, a lady nearby was talking loudly and flirting with all the men in her vicinity, even the bartenders.

she's this 50 years old looking thing.

anyways, the 2 old men she was trying to attract, she was trying to get them into some kind of business plan with her. she started talking about searching for a camera to buy on ebay, and then went on to say how much she paid for it and then "ding" she had a brilliant idea! why not start business on ebay!?!?

so anyways, she started giving them the intricacies of business on ebay, how to buy and sell online. now for those who know ebay well, there are times u can actually find an item for like 2 bux and sell for hundreds, i kid u not. the thing is, its not just on ebay but if u see stuff around u that's unique and so on, u can sell it at a good rate on ebay too.

but all these needs business sense. and lots of it.

anyways.

so she kept on talking loudly about how good she is, and then commenting in the same breath how cute the bartender is.

to be honest, there is only so much emotions i can contain.

but the old man nearer to me fell asleep from the conversation! how brave!!

and that's when i decide that it's time for me to leave and spare myself the horror. strange people scare me, especially persistant ones like these.

oh yes, back to starwars.

suffice to say, it bored me a little too, especially hayden christensen or whateverhisnameis, because his face is just like that through out the movie -0-. it made me feel -0- too.

am i glad to be home T_T

hokkien

2005-05-21T20:48:00.000+10:00

one of the first languages i picked up, and first words, wasn't mama or papa. it was "OI! KUA SI MI LAN?"

oo. i am serious. for those who don't know, that's the fujian (hokkien) dialect. which some people like to refer to as taiwanese. to me, it's my home language. to be honest, my parents and i speak more in mandarin than in either hokkien or english, but i can swear fairly fluently in hokkien... yer... thats how my family is like. we are damn open with each other.

back to what i was saying, kua si mi lan, also equates, "wtf you looking at." literrally. of course subsequently came the "lan jiao" aka penis, and "cheebye" aka vagina... erm well, not in such nice overtones... hehehe. no i didnt have some sub human upbringing. my parents were uncouth people who were brought up in the village, in uncouth neighbourhoods who worked hard for their money in the most uncouth of places. rough tough people in a rough tough world.

then of course, my dad was also a police in a time where "policemen wear shorts".

so in his opinion, to fight evil, well.. you fight with evil! so if the criminals yells out "mata lai liao ah!!! gin ah!!! wa neng ki jit dao hit dao" (or, "police are coming!!! hurry!!! let us go here and there... blah blah blah") my father wud be yelling "na beh, li ai ki tou lou!! kan ni na!!" (ur.. mum? where u wana go!?!?!fuck ur mum!!) something along those lines....

both of them do try and keep it clean when i was young, but u know, it's never easy when it's a part of u to swear the fuck off your heads. of course the good part is, i learnt at a very young age what NOT to say to your elders and friends, least you scare them off.

i don't remember now if it was my parents who actually told me to stfu on such words or isit just a natural thing that i copied from my parents, aka, fake it infront of ur relatives n friends. so naturally, at the beginning of my life, i was a sweet, quiet, wholesome little angel.

or not.

essentially at home though, to prevent me from using much of those well learnt words, i was either to speak english with dad since at that time his english was considered well spoken... or with my maids anyways, or speak mandarin through out. i opt for the later. not so confusing.

of course when we are gossiping about mum, english is the way to go. if u didn't notice by now from that last paragraph, mum knows 0 english. nothing, zilch, nada.

so between me and dad, we have LOTSA stories. including secrets like my friend having abortions and so on. while i can trust my dad not to holler to the neighbourhood at large, mum is another story.

but they both used to think my hokkien became non-existent, for some odd reason.

so one day, they were gossiping about ME!!!! by then u know, i had stop conversing with either in hokkien, and feign ignorance about most stuff they talk about. mostly because it involves me running errands.

watching tv happily, dad was telling mum in hokkien (for the sanity of everyone and so i don't type twice, i am guna type everything in english.) "eh, our daughter... she said she wanted to be nun you know..."

"wtf. she can never be a nun la, look at her, bad habits everywhere... undies here, socks there, cuss worse than a pirate, and me... she will grow out of that notion la."

if you're wondering about that topic, yer i did consider being a nun once upon a time. coz guys are just too troublesome. so whiny. so attention seeking. nia eh. nvm. on with the convo... which by then have picked up my interest a fair bit...

"that's what i told her too. can u imagine her meditating? i think the Gods will start laughing and then it be the end of mankind"

by then i was barely controlling my temper. and they were sitting RIGHT BEHIND ME!!! the audacity of parents!!

mum started laughing at this point.. "imagine if she joins the church or temple (i haven't made clear at this point where i was going, and parents were buddhists), she guna convert them to download music for her and then have disco right in the temple!!"

"you think? they will be all wearing colourful stuff. oh man, i can't bear to think of it... and considering how much she likes tv, all the beds will be affixed a tv stand or something coz of her"

me "WEI!!! U THINK I CAN'T HEAR ISIT? I AM SITTING JUST HERE HOR!!! WTH MAN!!!!!"

both looked at each other like this O.O.

"you can understand ah?"

me "erm.. i DID grow up with u guys u know"

subsequently they gossip only when i am asleep. not that it's very successful.

if you're wondering... my friends too did mention the same things about me converting the nuns rather than they converting me. besides, i abandoned that idea since i decided that living on the outside might be better. mind you, i have all the respects for people who decided to leave the normal paths of life and dedicate their lives to their gods. but, alas, for me, i happen to love God and life in the normal way.

sad eh?

what lead me to posting this crap now?

reading this site. totally written in hokkien, albeit some of the spellings is obviously up to the writer, he isn't that far off the mark anyways. as long as lim peh can read, can liao. hehe... i laughed so hard reading his blog, whoever wrote it is a damn genius. it ensures the readership to within a certain boundary, if not, u know, people can ask their friends to translate.

while talkingcock.com uses them in the pure form of singlish, hokkienlang is entirely.. hokkien. so classy!!! omg XD reminds me of dad and all his "wa lan eh..." when he was younger.

now if anyone says this, first question he ask wud be "where is your penis (lan)?"

second would be "what's wrong with your penis? got disease ah?"

damn, gotta love my "dysfunctional" family, as my ex teachers would call it.

blog pet!!!

2005-05-21T12:33:00.000+10:00

ehehhe, see that cute thing to the right? its my blog pet!! well kinda.

technically speaking if i am using other forms of blog setup (e.g moveable type) i could have the pet doing more things, such as randomly posting a blog (all in jap!! atm as far as i could see there's no english version to it but oh wells!!! but it's so cute!! oh, well, there was a english version, but though it shows up on google i cant seem to access the site. i think it's down or something so meh...

thanks to mari-chan,i managed to half fumble my way through (partly coz i guess the setup changed as well since she was last there.). with some bad help from babel fish, chinese readings, i got it semi setup. but this being blogger, all i can do is set it up here and probably rss feed it abit. but, just so u guys know, other than on my Awasu rss reader, i actually haven't got my rss feed working anywhere else. thus, the rest of what u could actually read off this baby panda, is really jap.

but yer here it is! complete with a temporary background of my lake burley. well, i don't know what else to use as background. i could make my own, but i honestly suck at making graphics. if someone could actually come up with something more hospitable for my dear baby panda, i would damn love it. thanks !

on another note, i almost cried laughing at this blog. just go read it. i guess i don't have to tell you why after you have read it. but i am not going to spoil it for you other than uhm...

laugh with me omg!1 i am crying so hard from laughing haha.. although i admit, that poor blog hasn't been updated in quite a while. but still worthy of note since it IS from harvard law school, and they sound as ridiculous as everyone else in the blogosphere

Funny people rocks!!

people who study till their brains fall over pwns too!!

ok i am going stupid i should stop procrastinating... otherwise, the more i blog, the more that i DON'T blog during the holidays when i am gaming the fuck out of my brains is going to piss everyone off

but then again, reading blogs can be educational too

laggatastic

2005-05-21T02:35:00.000+10:00

well. seeing how lag worthy today was, i gave up and tried to tumble around in the house, in an effort to work off my frustrations. i was trying to study too, but my hyperactive mind refuses to work cohesively with me seeing that i have nothing much to distract it, other than music and more old animes that i have already watched before.

i even did a bloody handstand while trying to read AND listen to music at the same time. it didn't quite work. so firstly i started trying to play cs amidst the lag.

this was the result...

yer like... hi, 259 ping, wtf were u thinking? or rather... 259 mins to go hrmmm not a fair bit of time i want to spend on that. so i ran off in the general direction of the living room, fairly upset as u can understand, coz i couldn't really distract myself much enough to study properly. (for the poor few people who doesn't know me, i have to be very distracted to be able to study well.) so i started tumbling in the general space of the bed in the living room (the sofa wannabe).

yer that's the general mess for the person who asked for it. like i mention in my audblog earlier, YAY! he cleaned up abit. i don't know why he hasn't pack away his clothes though. but then again, considering how much of a hazard his room is (hazard as in a general one, not just a fire hazard) i guess he would want some spare clothes that isn't guna get burnt! he cleaned the bins though!!! what a sweetoe... but other than that, yes i am the pink stick figure who was doing that handstand wannabe there when linxy left for sym's bday.

then i realised, er, yer i was suppose to meet rosie and andoo for dinner. or try and study and dinner. lag sux shit. so i rollerbladed over in these killer blades. literally.

for some odd reason, either my feet got fatter or the shoes shrunk, but yer, they were pretty tight. and havent been blading for so long, i kinda didn't have much balance. as u can guess, i made lotsa disastrous falls all the way to uni, finally deciding (wisely) since i don't exactly know a non-road path to bruce, i may as well just walk there from the traffics. my bones ache so bad . the fluffy thing to the right, btw, is my ugg boots. they are warm, but they are fairly dirty a result of it being white and me trying to act cute. and inadvertantly walked over a pile of possum poo. eugh.

at any rate, i reached andoo's and rose's place and resulted in me watching them try out aoe parties in this area at the ancient battlegrounds. what's funny was reading the chinese farmers' communicating with each other. they are just so used to thinking that anyone who speaks chinese must be one of them that they just shout or use trade chat to tell everyone of "them" that so and so is red and they are trying to clear red at this place and so on and so forth.

if i had a chance, and if this was on kain and not on hindemith, i would have asked a few good friends and farmed the fuck outta them. i won't ever forget what great loot the SM farmer group drops. sadly, being a healer, i can't really farm them by myself. oh wells. who cares. just a game.

now comes the interesting part of the night. after macca's, and a few bit, rosie wanted to do some studying and let me played abit on her, which i don't mind it's a new character anyways. and i stsrted accusing andoo of being gh3y. so he turned over and tried to knee me in the face, but ended up smashing my 150bux stupid old rotting, moulding glasses. WHICH WAS FINE WITH ME.. hehe, it's old and twisted anyways. who the hell needs glasses!! i shall be blind!! but for the next few minutes i proceeded to tell everyone i could that he tried to kill me/ deface me/ blind me.... and he felt so bad. awww

don't worry, i feel bad too that i am semi blind now.

now i'm home, blind and broken bones and all... i shall attempt to finish patching my cs so i can annoy my ex clannies online!! muahahha... the return of the annoying elmo song!!!

not to mention the meows...

the moos...

oooerr i am getting excited.

sidenote: oops yer, that's my fhm. WHOLLY BOUGHT AND OWNED BY ME!! just wanted to see the top 100 hottest girls. such a disappointment. wth, bec cartwright.

testinggggg

2005-05-20T12:28:00.000+10:00

since my net speed went up a little and i shud stop being a whiny bitch, i decided to try out this audio thing...

hint: its for the times when i am too lazy to even to tyep w00t...

basically click that button or right click it and save target as, and yer, u download my whiny voice. it's just 1 minute long, enjoy the terror

moblog & audblog

2005-05-20T11:09:00.000+10:00

I hate my isp. And i hate uni pc's. As far as i'm concern, i can't use blogger dashboards there. N my isp love 2 lag it up. I cant open a single page without errors. Wtf. So now i haf 2 resort 2 paragraph-less blogging, frm a non camera ph,2 let u knw i got my time/date wrong n i went 4 wrong class, AGAIN! Sigh. I shall study then...

blue crush

2005-05-19T04:13:00.000+10:00

yj... u know, whenever i watch blue crush (i dl-ed it, and still repeatedly watch it sometimes..) i tend to think of the day you, zita and me went to watch it? just a few days before departure, and also, yay, free from work lol..

a few days ago, i walked past sanity, this dvd/cd shop here, and i saw the dvd on sale. i couldn't remember anymore when i first watched it with you guys, but i would never forget what zita said after the screening..

"wah lau, now i feel sea sick... eh let's go learn surfing!!"

lmao!! all that water!!!!

but i also remember talking with yj in those days. she was a little upset with me leaving. well not upset. she had just kinda lost the "feel" with a friend who kinda just drifted apart, mostly coz of her changing due to different environment, different friends and so on.

i know i have changed, for better, for worse, i don't know, and i don't want to judge myself on that. i have learnt to be easier with life, it's not always about the results but everything else around you too.

i have learnt that people die sometimes, though letting go is hard, it's better to let go than hold on to ur grief and wallow in it.

i have learnt i want many things, that i may not have, that may not be as important as the people around me, my friends most of all.

i have also learnt to "fuck cares" and just be myself. u know, i used to be petrified, i am scared of people because i don't know how they will react to me. if i am as vulgar to them as i really am, would they mind? wud they disown me as friends?

if they really know that i laugh so much for the stupidest reasons, and even if those stuff aren't meant to be funny, would they still want to be associated with me?

i had my own insecurities then. and though i know deep down if my friends don't stick it with me coz of me, then they aren't really worth it, i didn't want to lose them anyways because everyone of them of them were precious to me. i didn't feel wanted at home, nor loved, nor all perfect. and friends are the closest thing to a family that i ever could have while growing up.

yj was also the one to intro me to online diaries and such. i can't remember what lead to it, but eventually, one fine day, i started a diary in mydeardiary, coz she told me about it.

reading yj's blog all the way back in 2003 was nostalgic o.o hehe. it lead me to try and look at my own blog back then, on mdd. and i realised that man, i blogged since 2001. but back then, between 2001 and the time i stopped in 2003, and moved to blogger, i did a total of 20 posts.

mostly fairly emotional ones too :o as i said, i used to only post when i was feeling very emotional about something. i don't post what i do daily, what i think, what i laugh about. mostly because, i feel this as an emotional outlet. also, deep down, i also know that the net is a very public place to air ur views. i don't know if it would be ok, to be myself on the net. to be whatever i want to be, and give the finger to those who don't like it.

occasionally, and pretty much from out of nowhere, someone would randomly post a comment saying that this and that is awesome, and i felt shyly elated, if u know what i mean. and felt more encouraged to write.

but i was still uncomfortable with posting online anyways. most of the time back then, i was also posting from the home of my ex bf who had better net than me at that stage and of course, we were glued at the hip coz he wanted to meet me as much as possible. so i felt weird having someone trying to read from behind me. he wud just stand there and read or pretend to walk past.

so yer. no privacy hehe.

to end this thing though, i just thought to let u guys know, i still love u all. i do change, doesn't mean i dont remember u or the times we had, the tears we she between us and everything else.

most of all, u guys made a huge impact on my life, having a hand in making who i am today. thanks :D

YOU BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways, i thought i had post something up that was from my original blog, a poem written way back in march 2002, while waiting for my a lvl results.

Changes in The Wind

i heard them..
it was not the usual talk.
it was not about Others.

it was about me.
about us.

i feel the wind of sorrow,
i felt it caressing my face
with its icy fingers,
weaving rain upon my face.

i see the seas churning
it blurred my vision of happines,
the night grew older,
as i grew colder.

do i have to lie in blood for
you to see?

do i have to cry,
for you to know?

do i have to look you in the eye,
for you to feel what i feel?

the grieving winds heard my cry
they came upon me,
billows upon billows,
encircling me in comfort,
struggling to ensure i dont fall.

the rain felt my pain...
they howl in grief
as i would in my heart.

no one heard my cries that night
no one did,
no one ever would..
as i lost you forever into the world.

Fear the world

2005-05-19T01:41:00.000+10:00

@ all bar nun today, i tried to order my chicken salad coz i thought that it was guna be 3 soon, which meant sushi bar would have been closed. after ordering salad, handed over a 50 dollar note only to have the waiter calculated stuff at the till and then returning money to me, asking me for 16.50, but u know.. giving my money to me!! then with a weird look at her hands she's like "omg i'm sorry!!"

me: er it's ok, no worries.

she: u know how it is, i got distracted by kylie minogue's breast cancer story all over the news. seeing boobs all over the news like that, i just kept thinking about it and i didn't know what i was doing. u know boobs does that to you and seeing them all across national newspapers...

worried for my sanity, when i got back my change, i just silently siddled away from the bar top and just... left her rambling incoherently. *shudders* i mean, i don't have perfect boobs. she just might get even more distracted and start telling people my boobs.

then i went out for dinner with the guys at hog's breath. mmm steak. would have been very good but ooo i think i ate too much entree stuff. finger food and soup o.o. i felt almost unbalanced at the end of it.

but i can only blame linxy and wade!! on the ride there, i was unlucky enough to be shoved between those gigantic masses who decided that being short and in between them, they SHOULD smashed me up. so both squashed me between them, making me want to puke, before dinner.

so after dinner... yer i really wanted to puke.

and i think i scalded my palate on drinking that fake potato and leek soup (it's really curry potatos and leek soup) coz midway thru the soup, i felt this smooth bubbly thing on it and tried to lick it off but it wont come off. tried to dig it out, thinking its vegies or something, and it wont come off. then i realised, it was a bubble on my palate!! it was like those smooth bubbles that forms after u scald urself, but on my palate =/ so it hurts T_T

got tired after dinner and came home and tried to sleep. slept happily when at 1.30 am, dad persistantly called me and suffice to say, i woke up, and that bubble on my palate just kaboom in my mouth. eww.

i thought something might have happened and finally called him back (coz despite linxy telling him i was sleeping he was still spamming my mobile..). only to hear this...

"arllooooo mad womannnn how's ur pigging out beenn?? arlloooo"

wa... du lan!!!! lin na eh, wo xu yao shui de hor!!! heng hao xiao meh? qi zao ba zao da dian hua lai ri siao... wtf man!!!! (translations for those who erm, yer, cudn't understand my moment of "pissed off"-ness: wa... pissed off!!!! ur mum, i need to sleep ok!!! how does it look funny to u?!?! calling me in the wee hours of the morning to make fun of me!!!)

"what you want dad?"

"no ah, now that i realised ur really sleeping, ok la! byes!!"

"wtf, u woke me up just to say bye?"

"no ah, i thought u know, u were faking it who knows!!! anyways, just thought u should know they renew my work contract so i can buy you more stuff now. but since u wana sleep, it's ok man!! go sleep!! no money for u lalalala"

DU LAN!!!!!!! DUI DUI DUI DUI DUI!!!

"wah lao eh, u woke me up and now want me to go sleep?"

"ya... sleep precious what... u shud go sleep... even though u know, i am an intl caller, i am a special guest, so u shud really be awake no matter what..."

"erm... dad i have classes u know... not like i am so eng (free) like you, call people at 1.30am in the morning..."

"ya! but i thought u need to buy new laptop? thought call u tell u to buy new one la..."

*sigh* at this point, i don't know how to be frustrated or to be happy. but being just freshly woken up, i was definitely on the grouchy side.

"ya but... i was sleeping -.-"

"ya! eh what's ur name ah? i keep forgetting, then had to grab ur old id to ask ur housemate for u! then he doesn't seem to know ur chinese name either! then i don't know if he knows what's a panda... so!!!!?!?!!? ya so what's ur name!?!?"

"OMG DAD!!!!!"

"hehe"

..........

he actually thought that was funny.

-.-"

if i am more awake maybe i would have thought it's funny too...

donations of the wild kind

2005-05-18T00:22:00.000+10:00

discovered this on haro singapore.

these poor girls were being scolded by an auntie for even daring to ask for donations from her, because, according to her "You don't ask people for money!! People have no money where got money to give for donation! You think everyone got money?"

being forced to stand out there in the sun, have to sacriface weekend to do stupid flag days, have to look at idiots who make fun of us, or people who pretend we don't exist, then now this kind of abuse.

what the hell is flag day coming to?

back in my secondary school days, then later on while in jurong institute, from what i understood from my teachers, doing flag days went from voluntary work to being compulsory in school. one of those things that we were supposed to do just to earn "community work points" just so we can leave school with a "good record". nothing wrong with that, just that it's not fair, not everyone wants to do community work, and not everyone will learn the "giving spirit" just by fulfilling those points.

i mean, the only reason why some of the people had these points were coz they went for flag days. they chose this option rather than like, go old folks home la, go do overseas charity work and etc, bcause they just weren't interested. Flag days were just the easiest way out, stand under the sun abit, try and get people to put in some coins, give stickers away, and voila, points.

of course, there were always the odd few who put in enough to make some noise, and then sit at mac donald's or go watch early movie or something, then bring back the cans/bags at the right time.

there were those, like these three girls, who ernestly works at it, even though it's tiring, hot, people stare at you, run away from you, very sad kind of moments for us. but we do it you know, coz we actually bothered enough. and when you have friends with u (usually work in pairs la..) you feel a bit more encouraged, coz it's not like the easiest thing to do, asking strangers for money for people u don't even know and aren't likely to meet.

those girls who got yelled at, i feel so sorry for them. i mean, wtf auntie, u think we wana ask strangers for money meh? donating online to the various communities jiu hao le, who the hell wana walk around and shove bags into faces asking for donations?

not only that, if u got no money, how's that our business? just like you said, not everyone has the money, thus the need to help those who can't help themselves, like you, dear lady, who could actually work for it. even my dad also at least put in $2. it's not alot, it's not like it means anything (hell even my sis could put in money), but even if it's not for the community chest or what not, it's for the fact that someone plucked up the courage to walk around in the sun to ask strangers for money.

the poor girls who just stood there and got yelled at i guess didn't wana do anything about it either. on the one hand, walking off would have seemed rude and such, and they were in their school uniforms (SCGS - one of the top schools, so can't be helped =/). on the other hand, if they had replied, she wud have just ranted that "u don't have children to feed, how would u know?"

i think while we don't have children to feed, it's only fair to view us in another light. most students work part time nowadays to support their habits, without relying too much on parents. while parents had willingly give, alot of teenagers now want to go movies, buy stuff for friends, support multiple handphone bills. it's not the same, but we have also grown to understand the word "bills" as much as auntie ah-soh does.

what wud i have done back then while i was in their shoes?

sigh, i would have stood there too. don't wana embarasss my school also la...

article written can be found here.

funniest ad ever

2005-05-17T12:03:00.000+10:00

found this on big boys

reminded me of the time when momo was suppose to take care of my soft toys over the summer... and he started creating clips of them humping each other and posted it on postal -.- gh3y!!!

short log

2005-05-17T11:31:00.000+10:00

er ok... someone asked to see the log of that very night when he sent the pict of his greying matter since i deleted that disgusting thing... prior to this we were talking ingame, during a siege that we lost (when ds lost giran to WAR), when he said after the siege he has a surprise for me.

31/10/2004 6:14:05 PM SiL3nT xD
31/10/2004 6:14:12 PM ~(*)aNg3 dReAmS(*)~ =)
31/10/2004 6:14:35 PM SiL3nT time for you suprise :P
31/10/2004 6:14:38 PM SiL3nT (L)
31/10/2004 6:14:53 PM SiL3nT sends Picture 010.jpg
31/10/2004 6:15:01 PM You have successfully received C:\Documents and Settings\Cheryl\My Documents\My Received Files\
Picture 010.jpg from SiL3nT.
31/10/2004 6:15:18 PM ~(*)aNg3 dReAmS(*)~ =/
31/10/2004 6:15:27 PM ~(*)aNg3 dReAmS(*)~ i am not into looking at other people's cock 31/10/2004 6:15:35 PM SiL3nT T_T
31/10/2004 6:15:50 PM ~(*)aNg3 dReAmS(*)~ anyways brb dvc time

nothing much to see really but o.o oh wells...

guess now we know why he wasn't so into that siege huh...

who let this tard out part 2

2005-05-16T23:14:00.000+10:00

just so u guys know, just coz my blog is set such that you only see a few posts on the first page, does not mean that ur comments go un-noticed, or that that particular post is forgotten.

each and everyone of my post were made coz something happened and thus i post. it is not likely that i would forget them. and comments by the way, have been set such that i am alerted via email when i receive them. i am quite dedicated to my friends, i'm afraid.

commenting on a post that is no longer on first page does not mean that u can hide ur existence or the fact that u have actually read something and called me names or try and start some shit... all on my blog.

hey matt, butthurt about the truth? Just coz i don't tell you to shut it, doesn't mean i was "enjoying" it. just coz you get an erection, doesn't mean i do. the fact remains, u didn't even realise people don't like it, and it wasn't just me alone. letting u cyber to urself with no replies, u don't seem to get it. it took lobo and shmo to get u to not only get the idea but to finally stfu.

[14:55] §î£³ñ† - dinner: im sorry honey :(
[14:55] *** Auto-response sent to §î£³ñ† - dinner: I am currently away from the computer.[14:55] ~(*)aNg3 dReAmS(*)~: huh?
[14:55] §î£³ñ† - dinner: im sorry hun :'(
[14:56] ~(*)aNg3 dReAmS(*)~: o.o" wassup
[14:56] §î£³ñ† - dinner: your friend came and talked to me
[14:57] ~(*)aNg3 dReAmS(*)~: o.o oo
[14:57] ~(*)aNg3 dReAmS(*)~: ok
[14:57] §î£³ñ† - dinner: i understand if your mad at me and dont want to talk to me ever again, but im sorry sweetie :(
[14:57] ~(*)aNg3 dReAmS(*)~: heh
[14:57] §î£³ñ† - dinner: im a bad guy
[14:58] §î£³ñ† - dinner: and im sorry if i make you feel uncomfortable
[14:59] §î£³ñ† - dinner: i love you hun and im sorry
[14:59] §î£³ñ† - dinner: i really am :(

moments later... when people started pm-ing him to get a life and stop harassing me...

[15:03] §î£³ñ† - dinner: fine now im getting made fun of
[15:03] *** Auto-response sent to §î£³ñ† - dinner: I am currently away from the computer.[15:03] §î£³ñ† - dinner: this is great

as per norm... ignoring him doesn't seem to get it through to his head....

[15:07] *** Auto-response sent to §î£³ñ† - dinner: I am currently away from the computer.[15:14] §î£³ñ† - dinner: im sorry
Session Close (§î£³ñ† - dinner): Wed Jan 19 15:18:37 2005

Session Start (pigshitz@hotmail.com:§î£³ñ† - dinner): Wed Jan 19 15:20:18 2005
[15:20] §î£³ñ† - dinner: night honey im going to bed :(
[15:20] *** Auto-response sent to §î£³ñ† - dinner: I am currently away from the computer.[15:20] §î£³ñ† - dinner: sweet dreams and im sorry
Session Close (§î£³ñ† - dinner): Wed Jan 19 15:48:07 2005

Session Start (pigshitz@hotmail.com:§î£³ñ†): Thu Jan 20 00:59:11 2005
[00:59] §î£³ñ†: good morning honey
Session Close (§î£³ñ†): Thu Jan 20 03:23:17 2005

Session Start (pigshitz@hotmail.com:§î£³ñ†): Thu Jan 20 03:26:58 2005
[03:26] §î£³ñ†: you are my shining (*) star honey, i love you :)
Session Close (§î£³ñ†): Thu Jan 20 03:52:40 2005

just coz u can't get laid u real life doesn't mean u haunt girls in a pixelised environment. life don't work that way.

subsequently, he sent me an email, stating he was sorry, but i should have told him to stop or something along that line and that whatever was said was said in jest. i have since deleted that email dated jan 20th.

of coz, when he left the alliance coz he left his clan and etc etc, he first blocked me then took me off friendlist like it mattered to me. losers normally try and just restart their lives in game. this one, is not only a sore loser, he was also a retarded loser who thinks his actions matters to the very people who are disgusted by him.

and VT your wife stacey hasent only done it with me good luck in life.

well, who are u to say what she has or has not done? u seen her at work? u know her personally? wait a minute. aren't u the guy who claims to "love" someone and want to get laid with someone, OVER THE NET? people whom u haven't even seen nor talk much to? so how much does ur words weigh? nothing?

real life isn't kain, nor holds the type of drama like kain. u can hide behind ur monitor, u can't hide the fact that u have a greying penis or that u don't have the balls to admit that u tried to lay half the female population on kain that u know of.

or that when no clans want you, u go lick the balls of the very people u tried to pk and declare as faggots/zerg/no balls (oh the irony... got to love alliance chat.).

Quote "I have always respected you guys as enemies, and now i want to fight alongside you guys as allies" *puke* my ass, go lick more fa ass. it's a game ffs. ur making it sound like... the corporate world *shudders* which incidentally, if u have been found sexually harassing ur colleagues, ur likely to get the boot anyways, and rejected by others companies, because ur a shame and a pain in the ass.

incidentally, he left alliance and clan and attempted to join the "enemies" coz, obvious to everyone la, he tried to get the girls in alliance to cyber him...

profile of Sil3nt: big e-ego, small penis.
length of e-penis: 8=================================================D
actual length of penis:8D

according to him, he's so great he would die for his clan, he would pk for his clan. when he does pk though, he goes "omg my e-balls is so big" to himself while he announces to everyone what he did.

according to him, his clan didn't appreciate what he ever did for his clan and that people made his life miserable.

according to him, females who play pc games should be subjugated to his virtual fantasies, coz he's too poor to pay for more bandwidth to dl actual porn. and if they don't, they are "stupid bitch(es)".

grow some balls matt. get a real relationship, and actually feel something for her that's not from the pants. when stuff are being talked about that u know u did, face it like the man that u said u r, instead of running away coz ur embarassed.

i mean, man, everyone knows that u cyber girls ingame, not just coz i told them abt u. if u can do it, why be shy abt it? coz u can't get it up irl?

and why post a comment after it leaves the first page?

the truth, always hurts. u can hide all u want, but the truth is within u, not in the air around u.

finally realised why his name turned up as chinese on my screen... set mine to chinese traditional viewing. to see the way he tried to prettify his nick on msn, change ur western code or whatever code to unicode.. comes up some swishy thing...

call the... testicular surgeon!!

2005-05-16T22:41:00.000+10:00

ahaha i saw this on postal.... then went to search for a proper link... this is too funny...

Would-be rapist loses testicle
From correspondents in LimaMay 14, 2005
From: Reuters

A PERUVIAN woman sank her teeth into the testicles of a man who broke into her property to steal cattle and tried to rape her, leaving doctors no option but to lop one off, police and officials said today."It looked like a dog bite. The man arrived with his right testicle dead and hanging by a thread ... there was nothing to do but cut it off," said Hugo Jaime, a surgeon in the regional hospital in Huanuco, in the Andes, northeast of Lima.

The incident happened in a remote village when Hermogenes Meza and 10 men tried to steal Elizabeth Coz's cattle.

Ms Coz was not arrested because she acted out of self-defence, police said. The men ran away when Ms Coz and relatives started stoning them.

i remember, a long long long time ago, some woman in new york i think, was almost raped. she reached down and did the only thing she could, being on the floor, and "broke it".

i know i know, it cant be broken technically speaking. but it was "broken" as in the capillaries and such or something... the blood stuff. by the time the police came, that guy's cock was spluttering blood.

ok i know it's painful, and it didn't quite happen in the most exciting or comedic of times. rapists shud be screwed with an exhaust pipe, or made to hump them. but that isn't my point here.

it's "ouch" >.> (and after that, lotsa laughing ahahahaaha)

housemates and cranky cameras

2005-05-15T23:33:00.000+10:00

sigh.

a while ago, i mention the pros and cons of living on campus vs off campus. today though, looking at the dishes left in the sink, and at the bin, i wish i was living on my own or back on campus or something anyways.

having house mates is in itself a sort of.. uncomfortable obligation to do certain things, like keeping ur volume down late at night keeping the area clean etc. but when ur house mate is also your friend u tend to keep quiet about some things more too, because u just don't see why u should make any noise about it.

but since the beginning of moving in till now, all linxy has ever did was carry out rubbish once. although he said he had carry it out a 2nd package, 4 days between saying he would do it till i eventually took it out coz it stank up the kitchen. the only way he avoided it was by closing the doors. but keeping it away from sight does not make it gone forever.

using the dishwasher does not mean that u have done the dishes. it merely means that there was a great load that u obviously helped piled on but didn't bother to help unpile till things started looking hefty. sure i don't have to wash for him. but dirty dishes takes up space. dirty dishes means less dishes that can be used and when they pile up eventually u still have to wash them so u can use them.

clothes rack are meant for drying clothes. not to hang clothes on them forever and ever and be forgotten till u need those clothes again. WARDROBES though are meant for that.

picking on when i will be washing the dishes or cleaning up stuff, clearing up rubbish when you have done nothing much yourself other than come home from work, l2, go sleep, l2, go work, l2, go sleep, l2, isn't fair to me.

what should i do? talk to him? i don't know. i tried talking once didn't quite work when he's like "panda, i did this and this and this ok..." and well. yer. u did only these. =/

so while i was whining at the unwashed dishes, i was also groaning over what i should do with my cranky camera. perhaps, i thought, it's time to change it. i mean, it's gone insipid on me, grainy pictures, retarded colour, isn't that a hint to change it? but no... i went out to the shops and had a look at the prices and it's dumb. most shops have very bare minimum of cameras on display. and most on display are just olympus, canon and sony. 3 brands, barely minimums of the more "choicer" kinds of cameras and that's it.

choicier in their pov coz they cost more.

i don't even know what camera i want anymore anyways. at the same time i am tempted to get canon, i have seen so much of it at work from my friends. on the other hand i want to get another sony, coz my dad bought this last memory stick and i kinda don't wana sell it away to get myself a sd card.

not that sony's cameras sux. they just no longer are worth the price tag.

i am also not a very big techie. just a simple camera with optical zoom so i can zoom in on that cute neighbour across.

anyone has any suggestions? or list down what camera you use? :D

fight club

2005-05-15T07:40:00.000+10:00

This morning at about 1.45 a.m, a fight started outside a club in Canberra City, known as Three Degrees.

Three Degrees was holding a theme night, with Banghra music as the theme music.

With approximately 100- 200 people at the maximum possible capacity, it looks like it was going to be a wild party. And it was.

A solid built white man, who was noticed to be outside the club since a while ago, was suddenly noticed to be arguing loudly with 2 of the club's patrons. Arguments soon lead to a scuffle, resulting in the aforesaid man being noticed to be kicking and pushing one of the 2 patrons, a young man of North Indian descent.

Soon, the scuffle turned into a full on brawl, with the club patrons all looking on from the inside, save a few who were still dancing to the music. by then, the gruffily built man was seen throwing a cafe style table at the young man and his friend, who were both struck on their faces as they were standing side by side. An eyewitness even handed a chair to the gruffy man, as if to aid him in throwing more chairs, but was ignored.

Further assault was performed on the young man, resulting with him bleeding profusely as he slid of the boot of a blue coloured car that was parked outside the club.

At this, an excited club throng ran towards the 3 people, resulting in a flurry running aways by various people.

It is not known if the man who assaulted the young Indian man returned with the rest of the club crowd.

The bleeding man was taken into the handicaps toilet to recuperate and later taken to the hospital.

His friend was taken by the police for questioning.

Investigations are still on-going.

Anyone with more info, do contact the police.

~Pandeurs (what u think? an actual news report? duh....)

I know club fights happen regularly in various parts of the world, it isn't something new. it's new to me that police were actually called in, that the entire club had to stop and everyone were filed out for questionning, otherwise, as threatened, we had be arrested for obstructing law's progress.

Check out the blood man... this guy seems to have his full 2 liters and a half all right.

it's under the table because people were ruining forensic evidence with their beer filled soles. glass were all over the floor too from the raving friend.

so the story goes. sheetle asked me out to go for this bhangra night thing 3 degrees was holding. i'm not sure why i agreed to go along, mind you, since you know i have got l2, homework, essays due still and so on. but i haven't seen her in abit, and i thought, hey, why not, and i get to dance too.

but by the time i met her, i was honestly tired from all the walking i did yesterday (aka, from the picture taking i did). but i thought it should be good to go along anyways.

to be honest, i felt out of place. the music feels all out of rhythm for me, or i just cant feel the beat, or both. like i said, i was tired. so it's like really bad that i couldn't feel the music like i usually do.

to top it off, the dj was pissing me a little coz considering it was bhangra night, at one point it was all just english music, and i think "yeah" was played like 4 times in a space of like 40 mins or something. his rhythm change was also too soon and too sudden. like say, yeah then he changes to some slower tempo, then a way faster tempo, all under 8 minutes.

what was good though is watching a large array of good dancers working it out. from pure out indian dancing, to indian/r&b, to indian/hip-hop, it was fairly interesting and i wana dance like that and so i did. with the result of a very very sore hip, thigh muscles and balls of my feet. heels isn't something to learn new stuff in.

but i kept spacing out between dancing and the music, and soon migraine settled in.

just when it really got good... the fight started. the aforesaid gruffy guy, whom i shall name fatty, had already been sitting out there for a while. i am not quite sure what happened and how the fight started.

there can only be 2 things i can think of.

racial issues: guy is indian. assaulter is white. in stupid places like clubs, people talk shit without thinking.

girl issues: right after the fight, a girl was noticeably crying into her friend's arms and then subsequently disappeared abt the same time the police arrived. then again, she could be freaked out due to the blood and fight involved.

if you're wondering if i could tell u how those people look like and so on, no i can't. the only thing i can tell u is this:

they like jeans.

Fatty was wearing a 3/4 one, like those skateboarder wannabes u know. the other 2 were wearing the same colour of jeans but normal straight cuts for guys.

and the guy who handed the chair to fatty is a retarded fuck.

anyways, i don't wana see wrong people arrested because i am not sure if fatty got away. on the other hand, i am certain they shud arrest the fuck who passed the chair to him. but with limited capabilities, i could only say they all wear jeans...

anyways i will attempt to say this story with paint :( i didn't realise that it was a fight going on. when i originally saw the pushing and stuff, i thought it was some drunkards filling each other up. so no picts were taken.

ok, this is my point of view in the club. not very accurate, but adequate enough to let u know i aint tall enough to be free of the frosted portions of the glass, nor short enough. so all i ever saw, were legs and more legs, other than the one time the 2 guys fell down from the table being thrown in their face, and that time when fatty was sitting and i saw his arm hair... (no arm pits duh)

this was where the fight first started as far as i could see, between a blue car and a silver car. fatty tried to kick indian 1 (the main guy who got hurt as far as i could see) 3 times, landing 2 times.

this was when fatty first grabbed the table. it's scary, u know, watching a guy grab a chair with 1 hand and swinging it right into someone's face. much less 2 persons' those words were my own, coz i can imagine them going wtf...

how indian 1 got pushed onto the boot, probably got punched or something before being released and dumped to the ground.

my conclusion? it's a guy thing. they can't communicate as well as girls could, thus the need to use physical violence to get their idea across. Sometimes, it's not uber violent, other times it's the NEED TO SEE IT HAPPENING that shits me.

tonight for example, according to the police, whom i left a statement with, i was also one of the more detailed ones. thing is, at least 60% of them rushed to the window and were staring... some went out and k-po. all of them ran after fatty at least, making it like some kind of wild wild west movie or bolly wood style where they run to the fields to dance as a group, except these ran back too.

but, everyone i saw filed out of the door were MOSTLY not leaving statements. i know they want less trouble, but u know, someone could be wrongly implicated. and the real bitch set free.

could u walk out on that with your conscience? i can't.

at any rate, the police were nice enough to let us go and brought us to the front of ali baba's so we could eat.

literally the front o.o. he drove up the pavement and parked right at door. wahaahaha!!! best service!!! probably coz of many stuff that made it so long as well. were there for like almost 2 hrs or something. because i had more details i guess, plus slight errors on his part, thus confusing me 2.

i must say though, the chinese/thai (me and sheetle can't decide) detective was so hot man. so cool. saunters in ala Chou Ren Fatt, black overcoat and so on.. waaaaaaa *drools*

ahem

unlike the movies though =X i was a little disappointed. i wasn't lead into this cell like thing with sound proof walls that has got holes in it and then u know, just me and so and so talking, and him taking notes or using type writer.

just a normal dell and word pad T_T so sad!!!! or at least more high class la!! use palm top!!! buuuttt noooooooo dell. -.- geez.

also, on a side note. when you go clubbing, please be considerate. SUN DANCES are meant to be performed out in the fields, thus the word SUN so u can entice SUN. there are little people around u too, who doesn't need to know which direction ur arm pit hair grows, nor how it smells.

further more, learn to say sorry then do the right thing. not say sorry once, and then sundance ur way to hell. i can not count the number of times i kena on the head by some retard's elbows and wildly flaying arms. they were doing the sun dance, the boob dance (u know where they shake the boobs while doing belly dancing, ya like that) and the "praying mantis dance".

first off. HE and his FRIEND has no boobs. so wtf at across the dance floor boob dance.

2nd, they aren't praying mantis, so wtf again at across the dance floor praying mantis dance, complete with squating on the floor and dancing towards each other, like mating season or something.

thirdly, the fucking dance floor is so small, they literally blocked people from being able to dance happily, with their flaying arms, arm pit smell, shouting on top of the already loud music, thereby making us efficiently deaf for 20 mins each time.

not to mention that bump on my head from constant knocking. no matter where i hide, they manage to come close enough to hit my head.

no i am not short.

and kicking people is not a form of dance, at least not in clubs. thx.

ok time to get the smoke, beer and armpit smell off of me. stinky shit early in the morning. damn!!!

damn camera actually got the blood, but wont take sunrise again T_T

ooo forgot to add, i move my entire ah... hrm... speakers and ah... my ipod into bath room... and u wonder why i stay so long in there

early morning walks

2005-05-14T09:50:00.000+10:00

for the 2nd day in a row, i woke up at 5 am with nary an idea why am i up at such a retarded hour. so after washing up, brushing teeth and what not, as well as reading some bbc news and so on and so forth (whatever normal people do in the mornings, i am sure i don't need to tell you that i pee-ed and so on), i walked out of the house at about 6.30 am, perfectly happy and with camera in tow, hoping to capture some great sun rise effects.

sadly, my camera decided to be a bitch. so most of the photos turned out darker and grainier than ever, making it look more like a sunset than a sun rise, and that i have been abusing it with photoshop. for those who know me, i know shit about photoshop, thus i have to leave these picts as they are. :( but they are still beautiful and i have set them up for everyone :D

when i first started out there were so much mists around, that it was all so very fairy tale like. there were some cars out and about already, but wasn't enough to spoil everything for me. soon i started singing by myself to my songs (yer... well... it's music!!! what u think?) and here was where my camera started being a bitch telling me i have no batt and then gives me shitty quality photos, even though i have like brand new batt in it.

well i started heading towards the city to get batteries for it, thinking the batteries might have been faulty. then i came across the footie field. it was omg.. so awesome. some of the mists were barely settling in, so there was like this arc hanging in mid air worth of water droplets.

and some retarded ducks that i feel like frying. i never forgave them for chasing me all the way home from class one day in my first year. STUPID DUCKS!!!!

from the field though, the city looks so mysterious, surreal...

and of course, the usual "artistic flair" of some vandals. honestly, some of them can be so gorgeous, but yer, illegal according to the government. sydney has one of the best graffiti works i have ever seen.

and... the occassional air con buses!!! i still don't know why they like to have that version of green. then again, i don't know why their fire engines are yellow.

after that walk to town, to find my camera working again, i got mad at it and stopped for breakfast at Pancake Parlour. Nothing new about what i had, though i took pictures of my eggs benedict and hot chocolate that turned out so fuzzy it looks horrible, so i didn't load it :( but they were awesome!!! especially the marshmallows!!!

anyways, my destination for today was lake burley griffin anyways, not the woods near my home. so i started heading there after breakfast. now, most universities like to set up gardens and stuff on campus. but because my uni is just infront of the botanical gardens here plus various other factors, its virtually like going to school in a jungle. when i took these picts, i was like, damn, it looks like our classes are up in treehouses and not in cabins!!!

this apparently is the Australian Academy of Science.

on closer inspection, i wonder if they are secret romantics. look at the lay out, old architecture housing, flowers everywhere, looks more like a spot for proposal than for science =X. can you imagine, one of those geeky people going there with their girlfriend, talking about scientific stuff and then "erm, would u marry me? so i can make full use of our xx and xy chromosomes?" wwaaaaaaa...... (i also noticed its ian potter house, is he related to harry potter!?!?!?!)

when i first saw this sign after i first arrived, i wondered how many people actually drove the wrong way... scary....

and then i hit lake burley griffin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i took a lot of picts from various different angle, which u can see the old and new parliament house, abit of the museum and etc. it's soooo beautiful, but this damn camera made everything so much darker. stupid camera!! *stomps on camera* rarrrrr

i found some ugly looking birds, who had the audacity to look angrily at me and stopped bathing when i whipped out my camera. so, sadly, no picts of female birds taking a bath, just angry ugly buggers staring back at me...

city looks like a dream away from here... sigh... stay away u stupid buildings!!!!

got home and decided that the new skittles packaging is a little too modernistic...

i wonder how the packaging of skittles are any different the world over? can u imagine them in cans... in small snuff boxes.. mmm skittles... i love them sssoooo much muahhaaha....

but i rather have this if i could =X jake's cute cute doggie... T_T so sweettt

jake's been saying australia is really gorgeous. i must admit it is, quiet, laid back, and like a corner away from the rest of the world. but the main cities of aussie isn't much different from the other cities in the world. smokey, grimey, smelly, full of emotionless looking people and so on.

then again... when u have met someone like this for a waiter

i can't exactly call it an emotionless place =X

study period

2005-05-13T07:35:00.000+10:00

every time, this time of the year, i would be packing my bag full of notes and texts, and then meeting up with my friends at random places in singapore, generally places with chairs and tables, to study for our upcoming exams.

most of the time, we would have some subjects in common, be it geography, maths, english, chinese, literature... just something. We had sit at various cafeterias, mac donald's (most memorably, the one at bukit timah), with our walkmen/discmen/md players out just studying, munching, studying, listening to music and studying studying studying. we had mini breaks between studies, just talking to each other, walking to shops to have a look, talk about everything else but study.

being the testiest time of the year, it is also when the tears come out, when feelings get in the way, when people are raging because they are so mentally stressed out.

me and Q often went to the airport to study, between studying and eating, we had be watching planes fly by, talk about what we want to do in the future, what we think we should be doing to get there.

i lost my entire bag worth of money, pager (back then, handphones were like :O expensive) and my precious precious notes, while waiting for q to turn up with her bf. i thought they had arrived, were playing a prank on me, and just sat and read while waiting for them to get over their childishness. but then, an hour passed, then 2. and then i realised, er, my stuff were stolen. on the one hand, i was upset. q was kind late, which meant i had no way to contact her, nor to call anyone, nor to buy food, coz i was hungry.

on the other hand, i was on the verge of tears coz those notes were months of hardwork put into it. you might ask, wtf did i even leave my bag alone in such a public place? i guess familiarity starts making u trust. it was such an open area, and i was just away to make a 10cts call, so i just carried 10cts to the phone booth and came back. the only thing that was left, was my other notes that werent in the bag. it was a short walk, it was an open area, i never thought someone had just steal and had easily get away.

Leaving an all girls' school was perhaps one of the scariest event of my life. for the first time, in all my years of proper education, i have to face with post puberty but still kiddo guys. with all the stories my friends filled me in with their boyfriends and so on, i must admit, i got really edgy. it was also the first time i moved outta my green polka dotted uniform that i have grown to love so much too. and right into the ugliest possible uniform, which is also tedious to take care of. i went from this

to a grey coloured 2 piece uniform, which in all stupidity had a PINK strip just below the shirt, to make it a faux tuck in of some sort. in all my possible ideas, i could not phantom why they made that pink strip amidst all that greyness. and because i was so comfortable in my 1 piece uniform, that 2 piece thing annoyed me so much, especially the ironing needed. most of the time, my old uniform just needed ironing around the collar and that's it. anything else could be just hung straight and they clear up.

at any rate, most of my friends went a different path from me, choosing to go vocational institutes rather than academic ones. i am kinda more of a reader and thinker than a worker at that point (not much has changed anyways :o) so off i went, back into higher lvlled versions of literature, and whatever other bullshit.

because of such a background, most of my friends, especially closer ones, are still girls. they are still the ones i run to when i have problems, when i need to cry and so on, because i just feel weird confiding in guys. like i do say some stuff, but i won't cry infront of them. tough bitch? nar.. just being.. ah.. well nvm.

3 whole years of jurong institute, which is now kinda defunct and formed millenia institute with outram institute, and all my studying were mostly done with a friend i found in my first year, called yj. oh she has a longer name than that, but i m just used to typing it as yj...

the same thing goes, studying, eating, shopping for snacks. we both have this chocolate tooth.. and we used to eat fries while studying (T_T i miss macdonald's @ bukit timah) and coke!!! oh yer.. those were the days.

when we study up too late, dad would sometimes pick me up and we had try and chat amidst the wind on his motorbike back home, about yj and her dad, about china, about studying and so on.

i miss all that. trying to do that again right here, feels weird, because i am all alone. nobody really goes maccas to study. people do in the library, but behind these cabo something tables, that shields u from the other person.

it's at times like these, i especially miss q and yj because there isn't someone to complain to, to discuss with and msn isnt the same as looking someone in the face and just gabbling away.

and as i munch away on my notes, in canberra there isnt a 24 hr place where i can run to to have midnight snacks with dad like roti prata or just a cuppa to talk and talk, because he isn't here and there's no 24 hr food stuff.

i miss home in a different way from some people. it's not just about familiarity or the people, it's the routines that i miss. and for once, i do wish i am back in singapore, escaping the humidity in the airport, studying with a chummy friend of mine.

sigh. stupid studying making me miss home.

who let this tard out

2005-05-12T20:14:00.000+10:00

after playing for a bit and getting ready to go to school, i was just checking through my msn msgs for anything important before leaving and going to school.

Remember about a month or more ago, i mention this idiot who tried to cyber me often in lineage 2, and who sent me a picture of his greying penis? since then, more people have started talking to other people about his penis picts and also various things had happened ingame.

He was part of the alliance under his old clan. but midway through, apparently he tried to cyber with an clan member's wife, or tried to send his penis pict, or both. of course the entire clan had a tiff and he left, probably assuming that like in the past, whenever he detag, they would want him back anyways, like he's so important.

so he was almost booted from the clan, he left the clan instead, but appealed to join a rival clan so that "he could take it out on his old clan". on his application page to that new clan, he says, "i have always respected you as enemies and now we should work as allies" or something along that line. read: butt licking.

up till then, i thought, oh, just another boy working through his raging pubescent hormones. no big deal. however, his actions proves more than that. he is so sick in the head he doesn't see what he had done as a PROBLEM, that he must take revenge on his ex clan, instead of feeling exactly like the ass that he is.

anyways, by then lotsa people have heard from me as to the type of ass he is, as well as from various sources. because he has done this to so many people, the source isn't necessarily me anymore. thing is, girls should not be exposed to such visual abuse just because they are a rare breed in gaming. thus i feel necessary to tell people about such a tool.

in case you also haven't notice, he is also fair entertainment at how much of a fool he is.

after the last post on him, he gave me a curt "thanks, see you around" and proceeded to remove me from his friendlist ingame and blocked me. not a bad loss...

then he joined a friend's alliance.

i told another friend who told another friend lalaalala.... and far as i know he probably got the boot from the clan. at any rate, he's now abit of the server's laughing stock.

when i opened my msn tab just now, this is what i saw from him...

[07:47] SiL3nT: thanks for ruining my fun in Lineage II
[07:47] SiL3nT: i really apreciate it

ahem. excuse me dear sir, when u first started talking to me, u never mentioned anything about confidentiality.

secondly, when u first breached the lines of normality, i could have reported you and got you banned for sexual harassment, but i didn't. don't tell me ncsoft don't care, because it has been done before.

thirdly, if your idea of fun in a game is trying to fuck someone thru cables and networks, i would suggest u get your head check over. see, i can get porn, because u can see the action happening, it stimulates ur head a little.

i dont get cyber nor sending ur picture off to neverland. because right on this side of the monitor, i can be a dribbling 90 years old with a balding pubic region for all you know. the pictures that i sent you could be googled online anywhere, randomly. if you guys didn't know by now, u can google stuff like dscn001 or something and then u had churn up someone's private picture.

so to go thru that point more accurately, your idea of fun is to fuck someone u can't see, who might be a 90 years old dribbling old man, with balding pubics trying to get a hardon with little boys, i.e YOU. good work matt.

on the other hand though, if that's also your idea of fun, u are also the idiot that turns girls off playing because instead of just having casual fun, they have to learn how to handle dorks like you amidst all the learning of the game. guys with no life who tries to fuck their electrical appliances.

and you wonder why no girl wana get in your pants.

last but not least,

dear matt. if anyone's at fault for feeling like an idiot in this game, it is but your own. i did not ask for the pict of ur greying penis that wasn't washed since the beginning of time. i did not asked to be grossed out while having my dinner, neither did i seek to tell people intentionally at first what u did.

but i had to let it out of my mind because u gross me out that bad. whenever you couldn't find anyone to cyber u had come to me, with ur *caresses* and *kisses* and *strokings* that irks me, because 1) i am busy healing in a party 2) i am not interested 3) ur disgusting.

if you quit the game, i would honestly not care, because you suck as a player, you suck as a person and u need help. let it be known ur also the FIRST person i can safely say that because you contributed absoutlutely nothing into the l2 world on kain, other than set female cautions up high. you have done absoutlutely nothing for anyone, other than giving people attention, pretending to be nice to them so that they could satisfy your needs when u need them.

this is not to say other people did not, but u extended that into the female boundaries of satisfying your penis, and that makes u the fucktard that you are.

for those reading this, i am sorry if i gross you out, but i feel that at some stage, i have to let this out. if anyone need to comment on how i shouldn't bring this here, remember, my blog, my space, my entirety to do whatever i want on my blog, and this include making fun of anyone's assets as i wish.

goodbye matt, remember to wash ur penis every now and then so that it stops greying.

love and LOVE

2005-05-12T15:21:00.000+10:00

my friend asked me this on her blog, so i decided maybe i should just reply here coz by the time i was ready to comment and tried to summarise it, it almost became essay length hehe....

Why romance stories are so boring to some of us?

Well, for one, more often than not it's a happy ending. if it's not happy ending, it's a super tragic ending where the living half would have learnt something but is unable to move on for the dead one. amidst all that, the middle of that is often terribly happy happenings, at least in the part in how they found each other, lalala, and then tada!! they are soul mates! wah so heng...

most of such books are predictable (then again, i have read like a grand total of 12 romance books so far or something, and more coz the cover's female has a huge bosom or they are pink in colour or something...) and while we had still cry at their predictability, we even desire to be like those main characters, they just don't hold our attention.

because we already know they won't happen and that imagining it happen just hurts our head and heart because you and i, one of us, at least 9 out of 10 have been hurt before in the name of love. these books hits us like a slap in our face that, hey, someone got it better out there, hah u suck!

yer it feels like that sometimes.

how does a person stay so cynical of love then?

coz, u know, despite ur subconscious knowing that books and tv arent real, that despite all that fiction, a part of u wish that u would have this gallant knight in shining armour come and sweep u off ur feet and then bring u in this circus of love and then u stay there happily ever after..

not likely to happen.

YES happily ever after happens, just not the way it happens in books and in movies, in series or in ur wildest dreams. every relationship have their own up and downs, ins and outs. no 2 person is going to be perfectly at ease with each other, not likely to argue, not likely to disappoint one another. hell, u even disappoint ur parents at some stage, who's to say about someone who's not related to u.

it's like this family thing but with someone else who's not in ur family, who's not familiar with u.

while no one expects the other half to totally aquiesce to them, or to be utterly romantic, there are still expectations, there are still differences and sometimes, it eats away at u.

i remember an ex colleague, she had a not so perfect marriage to a guy coz she was pregnant. they weren't exactly very madly in love before marriage, even she admitted that she only married coz of the kid, and to "try things out", in her own words.

in the end, the smallest thing pisses her off, even before her kid was born. the way he snores at night, how he turns in bed till he was "upside-down" while he's sleeping, how he can't sleep with music on while she needs to have some music on.

it's when the breakdowns occur, the break ups that happen, the tears that u shed for the men that walked out of ur life, for the un-reciprocrated love that u spent sleepless nights on, that u turn a cynic. rl never seems to run like the books u read, the movies u cry over, the lyrics u hear.

but rl, is also more than a day, more than a few hours, more than cameras, lights, ink and paper. it takes 2 hands to clap, 2 lives to bend so that they may compromise, that's what, in my opinion, love is.

of course don't be an idiot and compromise and change urself so utterly that u aren't yourself anymore. i mean, for fucks sake, he loves u then he gotta love all of u, isn't that what he fell in love with in the first place? if it isn't then he isn't worth a single bit of ur time just move on.

i know, i can be wrong. i am speaking from my own personal point of view, with my not so vast experience with guys. but i do know at least my mum, my friends all had their various expectations of what kind of guys they want. and everyone of them had their expectations fell short.

one had a boyfriend who had do anything for her, but has a temper the temperature of a volcano, with equal efficiency at erupting.

another married a man thinking she can be a rich bum, but never got round to being a rich bum...

another had a boyfriend who would even wipe her tears away that she may never be hurt again by anyone... to be the same person who abuses her.

and then the guys have their own bad share of girls too. one had a girl who went cheated on him.

another guy lost his gf to an online dude coz he wasn't as romantic as him, or as hard working as that guy to travel the distance to meet her (then again, singapore is only about 33km by 40 km or something like that, how far the hell u want him to travel anyways bitch?)

so tell me, is it wrong to be a cynic?

then again.. is it wrong to be a hopeful person?

both answers are.. not really.

then u hear songs like beautiful soul, i need you and i can't live a day without you blah blah blah...

you watch shows where the guys had die so that their girls can live... and then u wonder where's prince kermit....

he does exist.. somewhere out there. sorry to say, some of them are damn hum ji. if not most of them. they might never die for u, they might never give up their 837108313212 paying jobs so that they can move away with you to never never land.

BUT! some of them have balls!!!! remember Andrea D'Cruz and Pierre Png?!?!

ya! he donated his liver to her when her diet pills caused her to have a liver malfunction or something... so there's hope!! ^.^ it was a dire situation admittedly, not like its a show or something, but, everyone of us out there wanted to have a special someone who would do something for us like that. and few people, very handful few would actually do such a thing, despite whether they say they would or not.

i think their story actually made everyone's day and sigh hard and wish their boyfriends/girlfriends would do the same for them too. unlike shows, stories and other fictictious stuff, their's real.

they are real!

therefore...

have hope!! cynical is ok!! but don't let it bog u down!!!

my dad.. is strange

2005-05-12T10:42:00.000+10:00

blah.

for the last one week now, my strange dad has been calling me leaving me more confused than my usual essays do.

he had call and go "harllo?"

"hi dad... wassup?"

"it's night now right?"

"er ya..??"

"ok bye!!"

ermmmm... ok.

then he had call again... and ask "hey... you still playing games?"

"ya, still l2.. why?"

"oh nothing.. BYES!!! :D"

....

YESTERDAY!!! amidst my readings and so on, he called "eh fatso, how are assignments going?"

"still doing some, exams coming up. why leh?"

"o nothing...!!!"

*click*

omg. SOMEONE STOP MY DAD!!!!!!!!!

then this morning ...

"hey fatso.. i think ur mum threw away ur soft toys... how?"

"... why???"

"iono... it's not there anymore"

"wtf!!! did she move it?"

"she won't say anything but ur sis said she threw them away.."

"she crazy or what?"

"i was kidding la..."

.............................................

my dad.. is damn free.

~*my little corner*~